


Fire In Our Bones

by bowtieseleven



Category: The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NovaHD - Freeform, Or Will It?, Slow Burn, Swearing, because how can you write about James and not have him swearing, don't worry everything will turn out ok, including depression-like symptoms, just things you'd expect in a zombie apocalypse, maybe some triggery things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-08 17:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 54,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4314552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowtieseleven/pseuds/bowtieseleven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A post-apocalyptic story in which Aleks is a contradiction fighting against himself, James is confused and worried (but mostly worried), and they're both oblivious idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

The night was just a few degrees colder than usual, but Aleks felt the difference and hated it. Even having shelter for the first night in a while didn’t make him feel much better. The place they had found was absolute shit and splinters were digging into his skin every way he turned and he only had one blanket.  
Absolute shit.

Aleks tossed and turned on the hard wooden floor for what seemed like ages before exhaustion finally took over and he began to drift off. A creaking of floorboards caused him to pry open his eyes the tiniest bit and see the blurry outline of James' shoes. A new warmth covered him, his eyes slipped shut again and everything faded away.

..........................................................................................................................................................

He’s in a forest, a cold forest. Everything is dark and the wind is whistling through the trees angrily. Aleks stops, realizing he’s lost and alone, but then he remembers that he can’t be lost because he doesn’t know where he came from. He starts walking again, but he can’t move right. His movements are jerky, his steps uneven and everything feels wrong. He stops again, blinking. Off in the distance he thinks he can see a light, but that’s ridiculous. Here in this dark place of blacks and grays there’s no room for warmth, for something as bright as a small orange flame. Briefly, Aleks wonders when he began thinking this way. Devoid of colors. But the flickering flame is still there and it’s not leaving. It’s small and far away but it’s strong and suddenly Aleks feels an intense need to go towards it. To touch it and embrace it. Maybe it will warm his cold bones.

He tries to go towards it again but it’s even harder to move this time and he’s so slow. He’s still struggling when he catches something out of the corner of his eye. Slowly turning his head, he sees that he’s surrounded by people. His friends. There’s Jordan, his next-door neighbor who would always come over and help him with his computer problems. He’s still wearing that stupid red baseball cap even though it’s dirtier than Aleks remembers and it’s spotted with suspicious stains. Right now he’s clutching a baseball bat in shaking hands.  
There’s also Dan, dirty and ragged. He was always hanging out with Jordan and making dumb jokes. Even now he’s standing beside him, eyes wide and beard scraggly and unkempt.  
Next to Dan and Jordan is Seamus. Always so stoic and cool, now he looks more wired and nervous than Aleks has ever seen him. He remembers meeting him in college, staying friends through the years. Seamus always complained about how dumb Aleks’ other friends were but he always stuck around.  
Last is Kevin. He was that one friend who came out of nowhere and no one is quite sure how, but they’re as much a part of the group as anyone. He latched on to Aleks as soon as he met him, but Aleks feels like he hasn’t seen him in years. He’s not sure why but he’s not sure of anything anymore.

The only one not there is his best friend, James. Aleks hopes he's ok. James has been there since college, always around. He's never far away, especially nowadays, but looking around, he's nowhere to be found. Aleks turns back towards the fire. He'll show up, just like he always does. 

Feeling a rush of nostalgia, Aleks steps closer to the group huddled around the fire. The bright light blinds him momentarily, but for some reason he can't feel the heat.

Looking around, he realizes that his old friends are around him but they’re not smiling or running towards him. Aleks was always the reason his friends knew each other, the glue of the group. But now he’s alone, singled out and ignored.  
At first Aleks thinks that they might not be able to see him, but that hope is shattered when he notices that they’re all staring straight at him. Their eyes are wide and their mouths open, but their expressions are not of relief or happy surprise. They look terrified.

“Guys!” Aleks calls. “It’s me. Jordan, Kevin? It’s me, Aleks.”

Kevin backs up a little, looking startled. Aleks sags in relief. He heard him.

But apparently not because Kevin looks over at Jordan and says, “So are you going to kill it?”

“I wish you wouldn’t put it like that,” Jordan grumbles. “They’re already dead.” And he raises a gun, brought seemingly out of nowhere, and points it at Aleks. Right at his head.

“What, no! Guys?” Aleks sputters. “I’m not…I’m not dead. I’m alive. It’s me!”

No response, not even a twitch.

He looks over at the orange light, still lit, still beckoning. He would never get there now, never know what it would have felt like to touch it. He would always be cold and dark.  
He looks back at the pale faces of his friends. Jordan’s hands shaking as he holds the gun. Dan blinking nervously. Seamus tense and Kevin fidgeting, looking away. Then he looks down at his hands. They’re withered, gray and peeling. He really is dead. He’s a monster.  
Raising his head, Aleks squeezes his eyes shut. He never hears the shot.

...................................................................................................

"Aleks!"

Aleks sat up, making his head spin. He gripped his forehead, wincing as his heart raced. A warm hand touched his shoulder

"Hey man. You okay?"

He nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Just a bad dream."

James, bless him, didn't need any more of an explanation."Right. Well, it's time to get a move on. We stay here much longer and we'll be icicles or zombie food. Or both."

"Wait, what?" Aleks squinted at James, noticing that it was light. Of course. James had let him sleep through the night again. He sighed, scrubbing at his face. "James..."

"What?" James snapped, standing up. "Come on, we have to go." And he was gone. Aleks shook his head, letting the blankets fall off of him. He stopped, picking up the second one and looking at it. James must have put it on him last night.

Feeling almost refreshed, he stood up and looked to his left at the dirty windowpane. The cold was still in the air, but now the sun was shining down, warming the up earth just the tiniest bit.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had been walking for half a day and Aleks' feet hurt. He wanted to complain, but he didn't want to set James off. It was hard these days to discern what kind of mood he was in and Aleks wasn't feeling up to an argument. Although it felt like they had been walking forever. James was ahead of Aleks, his hands in his pockets. The axe strapped to his back was swinging to the rhythm of his gait. Aleks watched it for a while, boredom clouding his mind. He almost forgot the aching pain in his feet until he stepped wrong on a rock, turning his ankle.

"Ouch. Dammit!"

James stopped.

"Aleks, you ok?" he asked over his shoulder.

Aleks gritted his teeth. "I'm fine. I just stepped weird."

James kept looking at him, eyes narrowed a little bit. Aleks sighed, rolling his eyes. "I promise, James. I'll walk it off," he said, refusing to say any more. He glared back at James until he turned back around, defeated.

"Sure, whatever you say Aleksandr." He started walking again. Aleks took a step. His ankle hurt a little bit, but it wasn't anything he couldn’t handle. It didn't seem like anything as small as a hurt foot should count when something so big was happening all around them. Aleks decided he could suck up a little pain. God knows how lucky he was to even be alive and not some rotting glassy-eyed monster. He could also be alone too. He shuddered at the mere thought. He couldn't imagine doing everything that he and James had done alone; he was sure that he would be dead ten times over. Hell, he should have died in the first week.

Aleks remembered the carnage and chaos that had filled the outside world. He would never forget the first zombie that he had seen, a girl, no older than ten. She had been shuffling toward him, her arms outstretched. He remembered as clear as day that looked like a normal little girl except for the gaping hole in her abdomen. He had stopped cold, staring, mesmerized by her eyes and staring at her groping hands, until James' swearing had cut into his stupor and a hand pulled him away. He had had to turn away as James finished her off, tears pricking his eyes. It was then that the horrible reality had crashed down on him and it had almost crushed him.

Aleks shook his head, realizing that he shouldn't be so off guard. They hadn't seen many zombies yet today and the sun was still high in the sky, but Aleks knew from experience that one could never be too careful. He sped up and fell into step beside James, hoisting his pack higher on his back.  
They walked on with a little conversation until the sun was lower in the sky. For the past half hour, Aleks' feet had begun to protest until he couldn't ignore them any longer. He stopped and swatted James' arm.

"Hey, I need to go," he pointed to the trees to his left.

"You just went,” James glared at him.

“I know, I know, but please?”

“Fine. You want me to..."

"No, James. I think I'll be ok; I'll be literally like ten feet away. Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," James waved him away, sitting down on a rock, back to him. "Just don't fucking take forever."  
Aleks made his way into the forest until he found a pretty good clump of trees. He sat down, groaning. He took one of his shoes off, massaging his sore foot and wiggling his toes.

"Damn, that hurts," he winced. He could feel how tight his muscles were as he tried to stretch his foot. Grimacing, he took off the other shoe, inspecting it before he put it next to the other one. It was ratty and gross, which was understandable. Aleks wrinkled his nose anyway.  
He leaned back against a tree, closing his eyes. After only a minute he opened them again. James would kill him if he didn't hurry back. He slipped his shoes back on and stood up, his legs now protesting as well.

"For fuck's sake, I might as well be eighty," he muttered.

When he entered the clearing he had left James in, he saw him pacing back and forth, his pack on the ground, but his axe in hand. He looked up as soon as he heard Aleks.

"Took you long enough."

Aleks shrugged, "Yeah, sorry. Hey, can we take a break. It doesn't have to be long, but I'm pretty beat."

"Sounds good to me," James said, sitting down next to his pack. He opened it, rooting around before he produced a water bottle. "Thirsty?"

"Yeah, actually," Aleks took it, unscrewing the cap as he settled down next to him. "How long have we walked today?"

James squinted at the sun. “Five or six hours I'd say. Good progress."

"Oh yeah, for sure," Aleks squeezed some of the water into his mouth, and then handed the bottle to James. He took it with a yawn. "You look tired by the way."  
James stopped yawning and shot Aleks a look, but Aleks was feeling stubborn so he ignored him. "This is the third night in a row you've let me sleep all night."

"So what, Aleks? You needed the sleep."

"So it's not happening again, James. And don't give me bullshit. You need sleep more than I do right now."

"Don't fucking tell me what I need Aleksandr."

"Now you're just being stubborn. You know I'm right."

"I know you're being an asshole!"

"God, James! I'm just saying that I want my equal share of the night watch. Why is that so hard for you to get through your thick skull?"  
Aleks couldn't understand why James was acting like such a child.

James didn't answer. He stood up instead, stalking away.

"Where are you going?" Aleks called, but he didn't get a reply. He sighed, leaning back, closing his eyes. James was in one of those moods where he refused to talk to Aleks, usually for some petty argument like this. All Aleks wanted was a rest and he was determined to get one, James mad at him or not. He knew better than to go to sleep, so he sat, his eyes half lidded, listening to the birds.

After a few minutes he wondered where James had gone, but he was still annoyed, so he didn't think too hard about it. He sure wasn't going to fucking search for him.

Aleks’ fingers brushed the pistol hanging at his side. Kevin had given it to him. God knows where he got a gun from in the first place, but there was no reason to question it now. There were only a few bullets left, but the weapon had proved invaluable. Aleks tried not to think about Kevin though. It hurt too much. There was still hope that he and his other friends were still alive, but for all Aleks knew, that's how it would stay. Nothing but hopes forever.

He shook his head, determined not to think about it. Running his fingers through his hair, he felt how long it was getting again. He frowned at the thought of a haircut because James had given him his last one with his hunting knife and it had hurt like a bitch. Shaving with that thing was no fun either, but Aleks grew maybe five facial hairs a month so that was alright.

Aleks sat there for a long time breathing in the sunshine and cool air. The grass beneath him was crumbling and the trees were looking more skeletal, but today it was if spring had returned. It wouldn't last long, so he was going to enjoy it while it did. When the world was the way it was, you had to enjoy the little things. It was that or lose hope completely, and Aleks had already been there and wasn't going back.  
Only a few months ago, he had been in a dark place and he never wanted a repeat of the sleepless nights and hopeless days. He wouldn't have made it if James hadn't found him. James had had to force him to eat or do anything after that until Aleks' mind had finally cleared a little.

But now Aleks tried not to think about James. He wasn't far away, just sulking somewhere, and Aleks berated the niggling of nervousness scratching at the back of his mind. He still hated being alone and James knew it. Aleks figured this was his way of getting revenge. Fuck that, Aleks wasn't a paranoid kid. He wasn't going to go find James and let him win. It wasn't so bad, even in the woods. Compared to the city, this was bliss. They had seen maybe five Zombies today and after having seen five hundred on a good day, Aleks was pretty relaxed. Things seemed almost normal sometimes. It was only the small things that were different in times like now. Missing things. Things like the quiet roaring of an airplane, the buzzing of telephone wires, cars in the background. Things like that were easy to ignore, like Aleks was doing now. If he just closed his eyes...he could pretend that nothing had ever happened.


	2. Zombies (or Creepers)

James trudged through the forest until he decided he was far enough away. Sagging against a tree, he felt the affects of several nights with little to no sleep and all of a sudden it was a struggle to keep his eyes open. He could never admit that most of the time when he was supposed to wake Aleks for the watch and he saw him sleeping, he just couldn't do it. James remembered when Aleks insisted on staying up for the watch almost every night and how there were always dark half moons under his weary eyes. Lately he had been sleeping much better than he had in a long time so if anyone needed sleep, Aleks did.

But Aleks was Aleks and he had to go and say something. James winced, remembering his frustration. He hadn’t meant to lose his temper, but it was harder to contain it these days. He always regretted it afterwards, like now.

James raised a hand to his face, rubbing his beard. He stopped when he realized how in need of a bath he was. Of course, being clean was a luxury these days, but James didn't have to like being dirty. At least he didn’t complain about it as much as Aleks did.

James rolled his eyes just thinking about it. Aleks wasn't the best travelling companion. He was slow, he complained a lot and frankly he was completely oblivious to everything that mattered in general, but James wouldn't have it any other way.

After zombies (James had taken to calling them creepers, which Aleks thought was stupid but nobody cares what Aleks thinks) had separated their group of friends, he hadn't been sure if he would ever see any of them again. Finding Aleks had been the best thing that could have happened, and honestly, Aleks wouldn’t have survived without him.

Back before all this had begun, James and Aleks had been known as best friends, as the two who were never seen without the other. When everything had changed the hardest part had been adjusting to life without Aleks and now that he was back, James wanted to make the most of every minute. Even if they squabbled a lot, it was just like old times. All that had changed was the fierce protectiveness that James felt for his friend.  If Aleks was ok, he was ok. That's just how things were now.

Sighing, James looked up at the sky through the mostly bare branches above him. The sun was low, he noted; if they didn't hurry they might have to set up camp here near this forest. It wasn't the most terrible spot, they'd definitely had worse, but he would rather find a house or better shelter than empty branches. 

Suddenly James remembered that he'd left Aleks alone and he still didn't like being left by himself. James wasn't sure how long he'd been out here; he'd expected Aleks to come find him long before. Maybe he was angrier than James had first thought.

He pushed himself away from the tree, but only took a few steps back the way he had come before he heard a cry.

_Aleks._

James’ heart skipped a beat, and without thinking he reached for his weapon, only to find that he had left it back with Aleks. Cursing himself, he started running and shouting, "Aleks! Fuck. Aleks!"

Aleks didn’t cry out again, but that did nothing to relieve James’ fear. Finally he reached the clearing and looked wildly around, stopping when he saw Aleks across the clearing, shaking hands holding his pistol. It was pointed at a creeper, which was only a few feet away from him. James watched, petrified, as Aleks continued to aim the gun. Shaking badly, he was seemingly oblivious to James.

The creeper was getting closer, but Aleks wasn't _shooting_. Abandoning caution, James started sprinting towards him.

"Shoot! Godammit, shoot! Aleks!" he cried, waving his arms to try to get his friend’s attention or distract the creeper.

At the sound of his name, Aleks jolted, blasting the creeper's brains out. James didn’t stop running despite his relief and in a second was by Aleks’ side as he dropped the gun which clattered to the ground. "What happened?" he panted, trying to look his friend in the eye.

"I don't know, I don't know," Aleks said shakily, looking deliberately away.

"Well we've got to get out of here. They're gonna come quick," he said, picking up Aleks' pistol and handing it to him. He finally caught his gaze and looked him right in the eyes as he did. "You ok?"

Aleks nodded, taking it from James and turning away. James didn't know what to think, but they had to go before more creepers inevitably showed their ugly asses. He stepped forward, gripping Aleks’ shoulder firmly.

"C'mon Aleks. You need to pull yourself together, man," he said, his voice low. Aleks swallowed and jerked his arm away. "Aleks."

He stooped down to pick up his gun, ignoring James whose heart fell like it always did when his friend ignored him.

..................................................................................................................

Aleks didn't even try to sleep that night. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could see the mangled flesh and feel the gun in his shaking hand, so he just stared up at the stars, only pretending to be asleep whenever James walked by. Right now he was sitting on the other side of the fire; Aleks could see he had his back to him through the crackling flames.

James thought that he was mad, but he wasn’t. At least not at him. Aleks clenched his hands into fists, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms. He had been so weak and stupid and he didn’t know why. It was pretty obvious that he was a burden to his friend and he grew more and more flushed as he though about it. At this point James didn’t have any reason to that Aleks could take care of himself.

"What's even the point?" Aleks muttered, turning over and curling into a ball. James better fucking come get him soon or there would be a fight.

Sure enough, in a couple of minutes, Aleks heard soft footsteps approaching the spot where he lay. They stopped right next to him and he tried to act like he was sleeping deeply. In the silence he could hear James breathing softly. He stood there, breathing, until Aleks began to get annoyed. He was just about to roll over and have a good yell when he felt a hand shaking him.

"Aleks. Get up, it's your turn."

Aleks didn't bother to make a production out of pretending to wake up; he just sat up and looked at James. He could only see his face in the firelight and it was making strange, dancing patterns across his features. He realized he was staring when James frowned.

"Aleks?"

"Hmm?" Aleks looked over his shoulder at the fire.

"How did you sleep?"

"Fine." He started to get up but James stilled him, grabbing his arm.

"Ok. I, um...are you still angry with me?" he asked softly.

Taken aback, Aleks’ eyes snapped to James’ which were large and serious.

"Why would I be mad?" he asked, breaking eye contact awkwardly. He didn’t have to see his face to tell that his friend was surprised.

"What kind of a question is that?” he asked, raising his voice. “I fucking left you there in the woods just because I was annoyed that we had a stupid argument! I left, even though I know that you..." he paused. When he spoke again it was in a calmer tone. "Even though I know that you don’t like being left alone."

Aleks blinked. For James that was as good as him falling on his knees and begging Aleks to forgive him. He finally looked back at his friend, meeting his intense gaze.

“Ok, James. I just…I really wasn’t mad at you," he muttered, already getting the urge to look away from those eyes.

"You weren't?" he asked, sounding surprised again.

Aleks shook his head, but it was James who looked away. "You should have been," he muttered.

"Yeah, well that's my call isn't it," Aleks mumbled. He realized that James' hand was still loosely gripping his sleeve so he tugged it away. Standing up, he brushed dirt and grass off of his jeans, turning away towards the fire. 

Aleks never minded being on watch. He enjoyed the hours of quiet as long as he could hear James' soft snores in the background, and now it was a relief to have a reason to be awake. He didn’t like to think that his insomnia might be coming back, but it was possible. Aleks felt sick to his stomach to think that he was this broken and the worse thing of all was that no matter how he looked at it, he was a burden to James, to his best friend for as long as he could remember. Aleks would be dead without him, but James could end up dead because of Aleks and that was too much.

Aleks whimpered, clutching his head in his hands. For the first time since James had found him, huddled and dying in that building, Aleks wished that he hadn't.

The fire crackled behind him, reminding Aleks that he was supposed to be on watch. He took his head out of his hands and looked around. To his consternation he saw that the fire was dying down, the flames low and wilting. He could already feel the cold seeping in.

Walking around to the other side, Aleks gazed into the surrounding darkness then looked down at James curled into a ball near his feet, fast asleep. Aleks could hear his breathy snores and they calmed his fearful heart. He gazed at his friend for a few more seconds, smiling despite himself. The bastard needed the sleep. Maybe he would be less grumpy in the morning.

The rest of the night went by slowly and in the morning Aleks was exhausted and tired of thinking. He sat by the cold ashes, hugging his knees to his chest and trying to psych himself up for the day ahead. He didn't even move when he heard James moving behind him or when he felt somebody drop down next to him in the dirt and pine needles.

"Aleks." James’ voice was quieter than usual. Aleks didn't respond except to shift his position and lean against his friend slightly. James let him and they stayed there for a few moments. Far too soon, Aleks felt him sigh and stand up and he immediately mourned the loss of the firm warmth.

"I'm going to get packed up," James said, turning away.

............................................................................................

James looked back at Aleks, still huddled into himself. He might have been like that all night and that worried him. James knew that Aleks hadn't been asleep when he came to wake him up last night. When he slept he had this funny thing where he breathed in through his nose and out in a puff from his mouth, but not when he was pretending. Things had been finally getting better and now they were deteriorating and it was all James' fault. He could feel the regret and guilt gnawing at his insides and he wished he knew how to make it better. The fact that Aleks wasn’t mad at him only made him feel worse for some reason.

Everything was awful and James didn't exactly know why.

Stomach rumbling, James let out an exasperated breath as he dug around in his bag. Finally his hand brushed against thin plastic and his fingers closed around it. He pulled out an energy bar, crushed, but definitely edible, and looking over at Aleks he unwrapped it and broke it in half. 

"Hey I found something," he said, coming up next to him. 

Aleks looked up at him, disinterested. 

"Breakfast," James said, holding out a half of the bar. He was glancing at Aleks, but inside he was begging Aleks to take it.

Aleks reached out a hand, lifting it from his palm and James swallowed in relief.

"Thanks," Aleks said.

"No problem." He sat down next to Aleks and they ate in silence. There wasn’t much but James made sure to eat every last crumb.

Aleks took a little longer than James and after he ate his half he stood up, stretching, making his shirt ride up, exposing a sliver of pale skin and part of a bruise. James looked away.

"James?" Aleks' asked. His voice was unusually earnest.

 "Yes?"

"I'm okay. I really am," he said. James could feel his gaze on him and he turned his head to meet his brown, pleading eyes. He couldn't help but think of all the times Aleks had said those exact words when he was obviously not okay and he swallowed.

"That's good Aleks. I never said you weren't."

"But you were thinking it."

James couldn't argue. He just stood up and hoisted up his pack.

"Let's go. It's getting pretty late." As he walked away he could feel Aleks' eyes burning into his back.


	3. The House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I kind of forgot about posting this on here. It's up to chapter 26 on Wattpad, oops, haha. I'll be updating on here a LOT more often. The only difference between this and the one on Wattpad is that the chapters will be longer on here.  
> Sorry guys, lmao. I'm a dumb sometimes.

    Aleks stopped walking and looked out over the clearing in front of him. It was another warmer day and the sun was dancing high in the blue Colorado sky. Aleks was pretty sure they were still in Colorado. At least that's what James swore. He had picked up a travel map from a rest stop they had stopped by a while back and it had had one of those 'you are here' things. Since then James had been roughly tracking their path as they went along. Aleks didn't know why. It wasn't like they were trying to get anywhere in particular. All he knew for sure was that in the back of his mind he still had a nagging, aching hope that they would find their friends. He hadn't seen them in months, but it felt like years. He missed Jordan, Dan, Seamus and Kevin too much to think about it for too long. Not to mention it was his fault they might be dead.

Aleks swallowed, forcing down his feelings in the process. He looked back down at the wide-open area and at the shining lake in the middle and his heart jumped a little with happiness. The water looked so smooth and...clean. God, Aleks longed to be clean. He looked over his shoulder at James who was also looking at the lake and smiling.

"Well?" Aleks said, raising his eyebrows.

"I want to get in that fucking water," James looked over at Aleks, his eyes glinting.

"Same, actually," Aleks smiled then turned around and took off running. "See ya!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"You fucker!"

He heard James start running too, so he ran faster ignoring his aching feet. He didn't even stop to take off his backpack or gun. He just threw them under a bush, kicking off his shoes and jacket and jumping as far as he could. The water cut his laugh off. It was colder than he expected and he surfaced spluttering and coughing. Then, James' wave hit him. When he recovered he was still laughing and James joined in.

"You fucking beat me Aleksandr."

"Damn right I did," Aleks snorted, treading water. "You almost drowned me with that splash though."

"Too bad," James laughed. He ducked his head under water and came up, shaking his hair like a dog. Aleks moved, swimming clumsily a few feet away. 

"Now if only we had soap..."

James stopped shaking his head and looked at Aleks, eyes glinting with mischief.

"If you're taking a bath, why don't you take off your clothes?"

Aleks rolled his eyes. "My clothes need as much of a bath as I do. You gonna take yours off?"

"Naw, dude," James said, kicking his legs up to float on his back. Aleks just shook his head and swam back to the shallow water near the bank.

He tried scrubbing himself off as best he could. He paid special attention to his hair. He ran his fingers through the brown, wavy mess again and again until it didn't feel as grimy. Despite James' teasing he did take off his shirt to try and rub some of the filth out of it. He didn't feel like putting it back on soaking wet so he laid it on the bank. He turned around to head back into the lake and caught eyes with James who was gazing at him. He looked away as Aleks approached.

"James?"

"I didn't realize how many bruises you had. What are they from?"

Aleks looked down at himself, at the black and purple splotches dotted on his torso and winced, embarrassed. He hadn't noticed them himself to be honest. He never did. They were left over from their last real scuffle with a couple of zombies a few days ago and they didn't hurt much. Aleks told James so, but he still looked troubled.

"I didn't know you that you got hurt."

"I'm not fucking hurt, James. It's just a couple bruises."

James just grunted and turned away, muttering something under his breath.  
"If you say so Aleksandr," he finally said. But his voice was tight and Aleks frowned. Why did James always get mad at him over something? Every single day. And it was always stupid shit like this too.

He kicked around in the water for a few more minutes until he began to shiver and climbed out. James was floating on his back staring at the sky and Aleks let him be. He picked up his shirt. It was damp, but better than nothing, so he pulled it on over his head. He found his pile of stuff and put on his shoes and jacket too. He felt much better and more at peace with the world after his semi bath. His feet felt better, his hair wasn't gross anymore and the feeling of being clean improved his mood ten fold. When his pistol was hanging at his hip he felt more like himself than he had in a while. His mood was better than it had been that morning and he felt energized. He thought he would look around.

Aleks looked back at James who was swimming, patted the pistol at his hip and started to trudge around the lake. He headed to the other side, opposite of where they had come. There, the trees started again, dissolving into thick forest. Aleks poked around on the edge of the forest before working himself up to step through the trees. As he did, a lone bird chirped, startling him. He looked up, seeing the bird, a fat blue jay, and quirked a smile.

"Hey little guy."

The blue jay blinked its beady eyes at him, unimpressed and chittered at him.

"Story of my life," Aleks glared back at the bird. "I offend everybody I come across, even an effing blue jay."

The blue jay just kept looking at him, cocking its head now.

"You alone?" Aleks asked it. When it didn't answer, he sighed. "I know, right? Being alone sucks. I hope you find a friend birdy bird."

The bird looked at him as if he was crazy, which come to think of it, was fair. He was talking to a bird.

"Damn. I'm cracking up."  
..........................................................................................................  
James closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of cool water on his tired body. He was floating, his face to the sky. He felt the sun on shining down on him, but his head was too clouded to feel happy. He tried to deny it at first, but in the end he had to realize and deal with the fact that what was messing with his mind was Aleks. He felt confused and angry, yet not angry. It took him a few more minutes to figure out that he wasn't angry with Aleks at all. He was angry at their circumstances; at the world. He was furious with everything that had ever fucked Aleks over or hurt him, including James himself. He didn't deserve to have had to go through what he did, and James suspected that he didn't know the half of it.

God he had been terrified when the group split up that terrible day. James had yelled and yelled for his friends until he was hoarse, but he had seen nothing of them. Until he had heard someone calling for help one day as he ran through the decimated streets of Denver, Colorado. He remembered that particular event like it was yesterday.

_-About 5 months ago-_

_James is running fast, his footsteps echoing off the cracked pavement beneath his flying feet. He can hear some creepers behind him, moaning and shuffling. The air is thick with the stench of death and fear, his fear, and it makes it hard to breath. James gasps in air, but he can't get enough, so he stops, bending down to clutch at his knees as he gulps in oxygen. He stops his deep breaths, holding them in as he hears a noise. Not a creeper noise for once, but a human noise, albeit weak and so quiet that James has trouble hearing what it's saying._

_His heart stops at the thought of another person here in this mess, a real, living, breathing person who wouldn't try to rip his throat out seconds within meeting him. James knows that they might be bitten or dying, but he just can't keep running away from his first human contact in weeks. The last one didn't end too well, sure, but James isn't the type to give up, so he doesn't._

_The cry comes from inside a crumbling building on his left. As far as James can make out, the person is crying 'help, help me,' though it sounds more like a mumble than a yell. They must be weak. James knows that it is now or never. There's no time like the present, right? It being a gift and all that shit. James shakes his head and charges in before he's clear headed enough to stop himself._

_The door is hanging open, falling from the hinges. The floorboards creak as James' shoes collide with them, sending up a cloud of dust and dirt making James choke back a sneeze. It's dark and if it weren’t daytime, it would be pitch black in the house. James wrinkles his nose at the scent of death that is hanging everywhere these days and stops, listening. He hears nothing for several minutes, not even a creak._

_"Hello?" he finally calls out, his voice cracking. Then he hears it. The unmistakable lilting groans of a creeper, and beneath it a human whimper. It's then that he knows that shit is going to go down._

_He steels himself, gripping his axe and pads across what was once the atrium and into what must have been a living room. A moldy couch is rotting in the corner, its hideous grandma design faded into an ugly green/gray. Other broken pieces of furniture are strewn across the room along with shards of glass, but the most notable aspect of the room is the creeper lurching its way across it. James ducks behind the couch quick as he can, holding his breath. After a moment, he peeks up over it. The creature's back is to him. It hasn't noticed him. His relief is short lived of course. As is his eyes adjust to the room, he makes out something else, something lying in the corner across from him, shivering. A person. Not just a person, a man from the looks of it. All James can make out through the dim, dusty light is that he has brown hair, is small and is definitely not ok._

_For some reason, the creeper just won't leave. It keeps circling the room as if it can sense James or the other guy but can't figure it out. James keeps stealing glances at the shaking person. He's curled into a ball, back turned to the creeper and to James, and he doesn't know how to get his attention. James is pretty sure the guy doesn't even know he's there. All he wants to do is help, but he's not even sure if the person is alive anymore. James' resolve is diminishing._  
_James is looking over at him for the fiftieth time when the guy finally moves, sitting up , and somehow he looks right at James. James locks eyes with him and in that split second, time slows down, his heart stops and he pushes himself away from the couch so fast he falls over._

_"_ _What the..." he hears Aleks say. He's being too loud, too loud. The next thing he hears is his scream._

_Looking back, James doesn't remember exactly what happened after that. He knows that he killed the creeper (Or zombie as Aleks called them. Boring.), he remembers blood and guts on his axe. But the first clear memory after that is him squeezing Aleks, burying his face in his filthy shirt. Aleks seems in shock and doesn't hug back, but James doesn't care. All he cares about in that moment is that Aleks is ok. That's just how it is._

Those memories were ones that James would never forget. Never. Aleks was back in his life. He was a more important part of his life than he had ever been before and yet James was managing to fuck it up. God forbid they get along for more than a few minutes at a time.

Coming out of his thoughts, James realized that while he had been thinking about Aleks, he hadn't seen or heard Aleks for a while. Godammit.

James waded out of the lake, looking around. There was no one on the bank. Some of Aleks things were still under a bush where he had left them. The only things that were gone were his shoes, jacket, pistol and Aleks himself. James cursed. What did Aleks think he was playing at?

"Aleks! Aleksandr! You come back right now!" James called, afraid to raise his voice too high. He slipped into his shoes, not even bothering to grab his axe. He scanned the forest's edge, and not seeing anything, started towards the trees.  
"Godammit Aleks, I fucking swear..." but he never finished. A wild Aleksandr ran into him head first, knocking the words clean out of him.

"Oh god, sorry James," Aleks bounced back, grabbing James' shoulders.

"You...fucker..." James wheezed. Aleks patted him on the back, hard.

"Sorry, sorry. But I found something, dude. You've gotta see this."

Aleks grabbed James' wrist, pulling him through the trees and brush. He was still spluttering behind him, trying to say something, to tell him off, but Aleks ignored him. What he had found was a big deal.

Aleks had been poking around when he had come through the trees onto a gravel road. A gravel road wasn't exactly a normal thing to find in a forest, so Aleks had followed it. And then he had come across a fence, a fence with barbed wire, and behind that fence was a building, and it wasn't just any building. It was a concrete, safe looking building. It spooked Aleks at first. He thought that someone was there, but the longer he watched, the more he noticed the signs of abandonment. The door was cracked open, the ground around the place looked untouched, and there were weeds everywhere.

But there didn't seem to be a way to get through the fence. The gate was locked tight. Aleks walked around the side, staying close to the fence and studying. When he got to the back, he understood. There was a sizable hole torn into the fence, the jagged edges sticking out. A dried out zombie carcass was caught in some of the twisted metal and was hanging, swinging in the breeze. James needed to be there, so he turned around and took off running.

Now, Aleks was dragging James along, too impatient to explain. Aleks pulled him like this for a whole minute before he forced his wrist out of Aleks' hand and stopped dead in his tracks. This jerked Aleks back so he got a good view of James' 'you better tell me what I want to know or else' face.

"Aleks. You better tell me what's going on and where you think we're going. All our stuff is back there! No, wait. First I wanna hear why you just went off like that by yourself, without telling me where you were going! Not fucking cool, Aleks, and not fucking okay."

Aleks scuffed his shoe on the ground a little, a nervous habit, before looking at his friend.

"Okay then, okay. I don't think you need to yell at me, but..."

"Aleks."

"Alright, alright. Okay. I don't know why, I just kind of wanted to, you know. I was feeling pretty good, like I could do something. I have, by the way."

"What?" James raised one eyebrow, arms still crossed.

"I've done something. I found something."

"So you've told me," James said, looking at him with narrowed eyes. Aleks looked back.

James shook his head in exasperation. "What? Do you want it to be a surprise or some shit?"

Aleks nodded, looking up at James in what he hoped was an innocent, pleading sort of look. Finally, James sighed.

"Fine, you win Aleksandr. Take me to this buried treasure or whatever it is, just hurry."

Aleks grinned, turning around. But as he was starting forward, James grabbed his wrist.

"Now what?"

"Aleks, I know you don't want to talk about it, but it's important, okay? You can't just leave like that without at least telling me. You scared me. Please, promise you won't do that again."

Aleks stopped, surprised. Please?

"Yeah James. I promise."  
................................................................................................................  
Aleks looked sideways at James, wondering what he was thinking about as he gazed at the house in front of them.

"Aleks, you just found this?"

"Mhmm."

"This could be great. This might be exactly what we need," said, looking over at Aleks. 

Aleks agreed, but in the back of his mind, a dark thought was beginning to form. This was somewhere that a person would be safe. Even if they were by themselves.

James squeezed through the hole in the fence, brushing past the zombie. When he got through, dislodged it with his foot and kicked it away, towards Aleks.

"That takes care of that," he grunted, beckoning Aleks to follow him. Aleks did, avoiding the sharp ends of wire. He followed James to the back door, but it wouldn't open, either locked or stuck shut.

"The other door is open," Aleks reminded him.

They walked around to the other side; Aleks presumed it was the front, where the door was open a few inches. James tugged on it. It was difficult as it was stuck and a little rusty, but he managed to dislodge it from its position and push it all the way open.

"Welcome to paradise, Aleksandr."

If paradise was a dark house that smelled like rot and was filled with dust, this was it. The sun that shined through the few windows illuminated clouds of dust and dirt, the air that they had let in stirring it around. This place hadn't been touched in quite a while. Aleks wondered who had been here before. What their story was and what had happened; if they were still alive. It wouldn't do any good to think about it, he knew, so he turned to James who was trying not to sneeze.

"It's a little dusty, huh?"

"Just a little," James sniffed. "But I'd take dust over creepers any day."  
"Same," Aleks reassured him. "But don't you think we should go back and get our stuff by the lake?"

"Sure," James said. "But I want to look around here a little longer.

Over the next couple days, Aleks and James cleaned, cleared and fixed up what they could. There was no doubt that someone had stayed here before. There were all sorts of things lying around. Tools, cans, boxes, even some dusty clothes. The house became more livable and they began to work on settling in.

Aleks found some empty crates in the basement, which was a terrifying place, and he and James put rocks in them and stacked them to block the hole in the fence. They also made a sort of staircase to be able to get over the fence to get out.

"What if we both go out?" Aleks had asked while they were building it.

"Then we'll leave a gap in the crates over there. We can push in."

"Will they keep stuff out then?"

"They'll keep creepers out for sure, but people is something else. When was the last time you saw people around here though? We'll be fine," James told him.

"We will?" Aleks muttered.

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Aleks said. He had been saying that a lot lately.

They found some food too. Dusty cans of beans and vegetables, even some fruit that they could hack open. They thought that they would have to rely on the lake for water until Aleks turned one of the rusty handles on the sink out of curiosity. Water poured out. It was pretty cold, but it was water. James was skeptical at first, claiming that it might not be safe to drink, but he found where the well was outside and after inspecting it decided it was alright. Aleks had his first real shower in months and months.

They ended up settling in pretty well. There wasn't much furniture in the house, just a table, chairs, and a few couches. They still took turns taking watch at night, not ready to give that up. The roof was perfect for that anyway, there was a low wall around it.

"It's like this whole place was made for this. Keeping things out. Defense," Aleks had pointed out when he first saw it.

James had just shrugged, "Maybe it was. Maybe it belonged to one of those crazy survivor dudes on the Discovery channel who had bunkers and rooms full of food and all that shit."

"Maybe. And those guys weren't so crazy after all, were they?"

"Naw, I still think they were crazy."

Now, Aleks was sitting at the table inspecting a bow he had found in the basement. It was in pretty good shape, considering. A quiver with a few arrows lay on the table next to him. He was humming; rubbing a rag up and down the arrows when James walked in from the room they guessed was supposed to be the living room.

"How's it looking," he asked, coming to sit next to Aleks.

"Pretty good. I think it's useable," he handed the bow to James who started looking it over himself.  
They could definitely use more weapons. Aleks had his pistol and a knife and James had his axe. They only used the gun in emergencies if they could help it. It relieved Aleks that they could have something else, even if the supply of arrows was low.  
James put the bow back down, standing up.

"It's a good sturdy hunting bow. We can use this for sure. Nice find, Aleks."

"Thanks, dude," Aleks said, standing up as well. It was starting to get dark. "I have it first tonight, right?" he asked, stretching.

"Yeah," James said. "I hate sleeping on that god dammed couch though. I swear there's something digging into my back every way I turn and it smells weird."

"Sleep on the ground then."

"It's the principle of the matter, Aleksandr. I'm not going to sleep on the floor when there's a couch right there."

"Suit yourself," Aleks snickered. "Don't complain though, it's going to be freezing tonight."

"It's not that cold, you're just skinny," James smirked.

"Sucks to be me I guess. See you later," Aleks went and grabbed his dirty hoodie, pulling it on as he walked up the stairs to the roof. A blast of cold night air greeted him and he shivered as he stepped out onto the roof. "It _is_ freezing," he muttered. "And I'm not that skinny."

...................................................................................................

Down in the living room, James tossed and turned on the lumpy sofa. He knew he should sleep, but he had a lot to think about. This place was going to be good for him and Aleks. It would give Aleks a chance to unravel; he wouldn't have to be stressed out anymore. He pretended not to be, but James could tell in the tightness of his jaw, the constant wrinkle between his eyes.

More than anything he hoped Aleks wouldn't have to pretend to be okay anymore.


	4. Cooper

When James went downstairs to wake Aleks up, he wasn’t in living room. He wasn’t in the kitchen or the front room or the basement either. He tried not to feel worried, going to open the front door. He looked out and saw Aleks’ hoodie, red against the drab brown. He was sitting, hunched into himself just staring off in the distance. James frowned. 

“Aleks,” he murmured, leaning down and shaking him.

“Mmm, what?” 

“What the hell? Why are you outside?”

“I couldn’t sleep on the couch.”

“It looks like you’re not sleeping at all right now.”

“I guess I’m used to sleeping on the ground,” Aleks shrugged, not meeting James’ eyes.

“How much did you sleep last night?” James asked.

Silence.

James sighed. “I thought you were feeling better…”

“So what, James? It’s my problem, isn’t it? I don’t see why you should care.”

“You don’t see…” James stopped, dragging a hand over his eyes. “You know what? I don’t understand you. It seems like you never tell me what’s really going on with you.”

“Maybe because that’s none of your business, James! Did you ever think of that?”

“It is my business goddammit!” James yelled.

“Why?” Aleks spat.

“Because, you’re my best friend Aleks. It’s you and me right now. I think what happens to you affects me too,” James tried to explain, but he found he didn’t have the right words in him.

“Well it shouldn’t,” Aleks turned and stormed into the house, leaving him.

He stood there for another minute before turning and following him. 

The sun hadn’t come up all the way yet so it was dim in the house. Aleks was sitting at the table, examining his pistol. It was the one Kevin gave him when this had started. When they were all together as a group. That hadn’t lasted long, though. James had never thought that it would. He resisted thinking about them. Aleks was here; they weren’t. Right now Aleks needed him and it seemed like they were fighting all the time. 

“Aleks,” he murmured. 

Aleks looked up, startled. His eyes glinted in a ray of early sunlight that bounced around the room.

“Aleks, I just want to make sure you’re alright. That’s all, ok?”

Aleks nodded, looking down again. He ran the thumb along the barrel of his pistol for what felt like forever before answering.

“I’m ok, James. I am. I’m not perfect, I probably never will be, but I’m getting along.”

“Ok. Good, I guess,” James said, nodding to himself. 

“And, what about you?” Aleks said, catching James off guard.

“What?”

“How are you doing, asshole?”

As long as Aleks was fine, so was James, but he couldn’t exactly tell Aleks that, so he just shrugged.

“Oh, I’m fine and dandy as always. Just needing some more zombies to smash.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say dandy before.”

“People change, Aleksandr. There’s your valuable life lesson for the day.”

Then Aleks was smiling and laughing and everything was bright again. Right then, everything was ok.

……………………………………………………………….

Aleks didn’t know what was wrong with him. Well he sort of did. He was becoming more codependent with James every day and that was dangerous. For him, but for James. Aleks knew for sure that he was holding his friend back, keeping him from being safe. If anyone was a danger magnet, it was Aleks, and if anyone couldn’t handle danger, it was also Aleks. 

The question was, how could he stop going down this dangerous path? He tried being more irritable than usual, but then James would look hurt or sad or something, and Aleks would have to relent. He wanted to be more independent, but James wouldn’t let him go out of his sight, much less off by himself. He wanted to tell James, but James was acting concerned about Aleks and Aleks figured that it would just make things worse. The whole thing was a vicious cycle, and it caught Aleks in the center.

He wasn’t sleeping either. Just like old times. James had almost found out, but Aleks determined to be more careful. He told James he was ok, and he kind of meant it. He wanted to be ok, for James’ sake. He didn’t have to know that Aleks kind of wasn’t.

And now he was laughing at some stupid thing James said, just like old times, but it didn’t change anything in the long run, did it? He might be laughing, but out there, someone was dying, someone was losing a person they cared about.   
Jesus. Aleks wondered where along the way he had gotten so cynical. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.  
James got up from the table, still smiling. 

“I’m going to go up and take a look around. Why don’t you get some breakfast, huh?”

As soon as James disappeared, Aleks’ smile dropped and he kneaded his temples with his thumbs. He sighed in frustration. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Oh yeah. Because he was in the middle of a goddam apocalypse. Right.

He dragged himself up and went into the kitchen, opening their food cabinet. Aleks looked at the five dusty cans left and discovered he wasn't as hungry. He hadn’t been paying attention. Five cans of freaking beans weren’t going to get them far. 

Shutting the cabinet again, he went to the sink, turning on the tap and putting his mouth under it. He took a large gulp. The water was cold, but tasted clear and it curbed his hunger. He was used to ignoring his stomach. Now it wasn’t because he just didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know how or when they could go about getting more food. He thought about bringing it up to James, but he didn’t know how.

It’s not like he could just go up to him and be like, “Hey, James. Yeah, we’re almost out of food and I didn’t even notice, haha that’s funny right? Oh yeah, I knew you’d understand man. It’s no problem anyway! Let’s go just get more!”

“Umm, Aleks?”

Shit.

Aleks turned around, arms still in the air, mouth hanging open. He snapped it shut and swallowed.

“What’s up, James?” he asked.

James just stared at him. Aleks swallowed; he could feel his cheeks heating up. He was about to hightail it out of there when James started laughing. He laughed until he fell down and then he kept laughing. Aleks was still standing there, not sure whether to join in or to get mad. Finally, James sat up, holding his sides.

“You looked so fucking ridiculous! Oh my god, that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, you were just yelling about food at nothing. Aleks!”

“Yeah, man. Hilarious.”

James got up, wiping his eyes.

“What were you going off about anyway?”

Aleks couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed. He sighed.

“What do you think, James? We have five cans of beans left. Fucking five. How long do you think that will last us? Three days? Five days?”

“I don’t know…”

“And how are we going to get more?” Aleks started to raise his voice, even though he was trying to stay calm. 

“Aleks, I don’t…”

“No, you don’t know. You don’t know anything, you think you do, but you don’t!”

“What the fu..” James started, but he stopped. Aleks stopped too, he had heard what James heard.  
They looked at each other, eyes big.

“The fuck?” James finished, looking towards the window. The sound was getting closer. It was something they hadn’t heard in a long time. It was the rumbling of an engine.

Aleks ran to the front door and looked out, disbelief overwhelming him. Sure enough, a beat up vintage Ford was sputtering up the road and somebody was waving out the driver’s window. It was surreal. Aleks stared until James jerked him in, slamming the door.

“A car, James. A freaking car!”

“I can see that. Who the hell is that though?”

“He could need help.”

“Yeah, he sure looked pretty desperate for help.”  
They heard the car stop and they both stopped arguing, turning their eyes to the front door. There was complete silence. After a minute, James snaked his hand out to the doorknob just as a loud knock echoed through the house. They both jumped.

“Now what?” Aleks hissed.

“Don’t open it!” James hissed back.

“Why not?”

“You know why. Don’t be stupid.”

“You calling me stupid?” 

“Goddammit, Aleks.”

“I’m opening the door, James.”

“Aleks!”

“I’m doing it.”

“I swear…”

“I’m turning the doorknob right now. Look.” Aleks reached for it, despite James’ spluttering

And just then the door swung open and someone said “It’s not even locked, mates.” 

The door caught Aleks’ head hard and he stumbled back, clutching his forehead. He forgot about it though when he saw the person in the doorway.

It was a tall man, taller than James. He had stubble, and shaggy hair that was neither blond nor brown and he was grinning like he didn’t have a care in the world. 

“Oh, I’m sorry there mate,” he said, looking at Aleks and wincing. “Didn’t mean to clip you there.” 

He had an accent that Aleks couldn’t place. It sounded European. James was also looking at Aleks. He didn’t say anything about it, but his gaze said, “Are you okay?” Aleks nodded and James turned to the stranger. Now, he looked angry.

“You can’t just come barging in a place like this! How did you get in anyway? Who are you?”

“Woah, woah, one question at a time, alright? Alright. I got in through that convenient gap in the fencing back there. I know, you tried to patch it up with boxes. A nice effort, I might add, but since I’m a grown man it was quite easy for me to push them out of the way. My name is Cooper, but you can call me Coop, Aleks” he winked at Aleks who was still rubbing his head. 

James scowled.

“How do you know his name?”

“I heard you two arguing through the door. It was pretty funny, especially since you thought you were being quiet.”

“Haha, funny,” James spat. “Why are you here, Cooper.”

“I actually could use help,” he admitted, smirking.

“I told you so,” Aleks said, but immediately regretted it when James turned his burning gaze towards him.

“I like him, “ Cooper said, jerking his thumb towards Aleks. “He seems reasonable.”

“Whatever, man. Will you leave once we ‘help’ you?”

“Why did you say it like that, mate? I’m being honest here. You can trust me.”

“Sure we can. And how do you know you can trust us?”

“To tell the truth, I’m not sure I can, but I’m not dead yet. And I do need somewhere to stay.”

“You can stay, dude,” Aleks said before James could yell again.

“Thank you, Aleks,” Cooper beamed at Aleks, turning to rush out the door again. “I’m just off to get my stuff!” he called over his shoulder.

Aleks and James watched him go.

“What the hell just happened?” James asked, scratching his head.

“Beats me,” Aleks shrugged. “But he seems cool.”

“Crazy, you mean.”

“Same thing.”

The more Aleks talked to Cooper, the more he liked him. He was upbeat, one of those happy go lucky people that Aleks was never like. He reminded him a bit of Jordan. 

He showed Aleks his car, an old, beat up Ford that was at least twenty years old. 

“I still have three full gas cans in the back,” he told him, looking proud. “As long as she has gas, this baby will run.” 

He had more than gas in the back as well. He had beef jerky and some cans of fruit. Aleks was hungry when he saw them.

Aleks also found out that Cooper had been born in France. 

"My accent's all over the place now," he lamented. "And I can barely speak French anyways."

He didn’t tell Aleks much else about himself, but Aleks didn’t push it. He, in turn told Cooper about he and James being separated from their friends for so long and finding this place only weeks ago. Cooper nodded.

“You’re lucky, you two.”

“Most of it is James to be honest.”

“He seems to be a practical person. Not welcoming, but practical.”

“James can just be…defensive sometimes.”

“More like protective,” Aleks heard him mutter.

“What?”

“Mmm, nothing, mate,” Cooper hummed. “Let’s go back inside and check up on James, shall we?”  
……………………………………………………………….

James was far from happy at the most recent turn of events. He still didn’t understand how it happened. This crazy guy had just burst in uninvited, throwing himself into their house and their lives and James didn’t want him there. Of course, Aleks seemed to like him, just James’ luck. And of course Cooper liked Aleks. Everybody liked Aleks. 

James had a feeling Cooper would be staying for longer than one night or even three. 

“He does have a car,” James reminded himself. “Could be useful.”

If this guy was staying, he would pull his weight, and James would be calling the shots.


	5. The Raid

Aleks woke up to bright sun streaming through the cracks in the boarded up window above him. Sleepily, he realized that he had slept in and James hadn’t come to yell at him to get up. He sat up, scrubbing the sleep from his eyes. God, he thought. I could use some coffee. 

He made his way into the kitchen where he could hear low voices conversing. Stepping through the door, he was surprised to see James and Cooper bent over the table, their heads low. They were talking quietly, but they stopped when James raised his head and saw Aleks. 

“Look who finally decided to get his ass up,” he grunted.

“Morning Aleks,” Cooper nodded. 

Aleks smiled at Cooper and gave the finger to James. 

“Good morning to you too. What are you guys doing?”

He looked at the table and noticed a map spread out between them. Cooper saw him looking and patted it with his hand. 

“I got this a while back. It’s a map of the area around here. I was showing James.”

Aleks walked over to look at it himself. It was large and spattered with stars of different sizes all sloppily drawn with a red sharpie. He couldn’t see any labels besides the stars. Curious, he looked back up at Cooper. 

“What are these for?” he asked. 

Cooper shrugged. 

“Just different places of interest I’ve found. I’ve never been out of the area of this map,” he said, running his finger over one of the larger stars. “This is where I lived at the beginning. This is where it all started for me.” He traced up to another, this one especially sloppy. “This is where we camped out for the first few months.”

Aleks wondered what ‘we’ meant, but Cooper looked lost in thought so he didn’t ask. Additionally, he could feel James’ eyes burning into the side of his head, making it hard to concentrate on Cooper’s rambling explanations. It was hard to ignore the urge to meet his gaze, but Aleks kept his eyes fixed on the grimy map and Cooper’s finger sliding from point to point. Finally, he stopped on a star on the slightly north side of the map. 

“And this is us, boys.”

Aleks gave up and looked over at James, but he had averted his gaze and was apparently studying at the map. Aleks didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed. 

Aleks looked back at it himself and noticed a star almost in the middle. It was larger than any of the others and looked like the lines of it had been traced over multiple times. He didn’t remember Cooper saying what that one meant.

“Hey Cooper, what about this one?” he asked, tapping it. 

“Hmm? Oh. That one’s not important. Just another campsite that didn’t last very long. That area is overrun now anyways.”

“Ok,” Aleks said, scratching his head. 

There was an awkward pause after that. Aleks tried to think of something to say and it hit him that James had been pretty quiet this whole time. He turned to him and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“James, what’re you thinking about, man?”

James flinched and jumped a little.

“Huh, what? What?”

Aleks snickered and Cooper laughed.

“He was miles away. Where’d you go, James?”

“Sorry, I was, uh, thinking.”

“That’s obvious, dude,” Aleks said, making a face. “Care to share what you were thinking about exactly?”

“No. No, I don’t ‘care to share what I was thinking about’,” James snapped. 

Cooper rolled his eyes.“I’ve only been here for three days and you two have fought more times than I can count. I think you boys need some action.”

“Whaa…” 

“Not that kind of action. For Christ’s sakes. I mean I think you should get out of this place. Experience some adventure.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. Aleks and I are fine,” James said, arms crossed.

“Wait, why not?” Aleks said quickly. He shot a glare at James before continuing. “We do need to get more food and stuff and Cooper’s right, I’m getting pretty damn bored just sitting around here all day.”

“That’s the spirit, Aleks,” Cooper grinned. “You don’t have to come, James. Your choice.”

“If Aleks is going, I’m going.”

“I thought so,” Cooper smirked. “Alright. So if the plan is to get supplies, we should go here.” He pointed out a star in what appeared to be a town. “This is a small town that has a gas station and a supermarket and shit like that.”

“Isn’t it probably already completely looted,” James pointed out.

“You would think so, but the last time I passed through it didn’t look too picked over. The hordes are thick over there though, so that’s most likely why.”

“Great,” James muttered.

Cooper patted him on the shoulder.

“There, there, James. We’ll be fine. I wouldn’t lead my new friends into too much trouble.”

“Yeah, James,” Aleks patted him on his other shoulder. “I’m sure the hordes aren’t too thick for you.”

James glared at him.

“So,” Cooper clapped his hands together looking way too excited. “We’re going to need Jessica.”

“Who?” Aleks asked.

“Jessica, my car,” Cooper said, looking at Aleks as if it should have been obvious.

“Oh yeah, your car. Jessica. Obviously.” 

From behind Cooper, James made a face and did the ‘he’s crazy’ sign. Aleks snickered behind his hand.

“Anyway, we’ll take Jessie. It’s about a ten mile drive, shouldn’t take us too long. We’ll leave tomorrow right after it gets light. We’ll bring weapons of course. Aleks, bring that pistol you have. That’s a fine specimen. James, you can take whatever you want. You seem to be attached to that axe you carry around. And I’ll bring my lucky baseball bat. How does that sound?”

Aleks shrugged. “Sounds good to me, man.”

Cooper looked at James who was mumbling under his breath.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sounds good. Whatever.”

After rolling up his map, Cooper left to ‘check out Jessica’ as he put it and Aleks and James were alone. Aleks turned to leave himself when he heard James sigh.

“Aleks, what are we doing here?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what are we doing here? What are we doing going out to ‘get some action’ as that asshole put it and putting our lives on the line in the process? I mean, Aleks, it isn’t safe!”

Aleks squinted at him, taken aback. James seemed genuinely distressed. He looked on the verge of screaming, or even tears.

“James, you need to calm down first, okay? You’re acting a little weird.”

And then James did something even weirder. He lunged forward and hugged Aleks. It was firm but brief. Aleks didn’t even have time to hug him back and then he was out the door and Aleks was left standing in the middle of the kitchen with his mouth open.

“What the…”

-The Next Day-

“Are we almost there?” Aleks grumbled, kicking his feet up to rest on the top of the seat in front of him. 

“Hello, feet down please,” Cooper said without taking his eyes off the road. Aleks rolled his eyes, but removed them, instead kicking James’ seat lightly.

“Why does he get shotgun?” he complained.

James turned around to glare at him. 

“You are such a child, Aleksandr,” he said shaking his head. 

“It’s true, Aleksandr,” Cooper laughed, emphasizing his full name.

“Hey, don’t call me that,” Aleks said quickly. He hated hearing his full name, especially if it was from anyone but James.

“Why? James calls you that all the time,” he pointed out.

“He wouldn’t stop even if I tried, so I figure there’s no point.”

“True,” James said. It sounded like he was smirking. Aleks rolled his eyes again. He was no more a child than James was.

Aleks fell asleep before they got there and was woken up by James poking him. 

“Alright, I’m awake, I’m awake,” he grumbled, swatting the offending hand away. It took him a couple minutes to fully get his eyes open. He was still sleeping terribly at night and it was starting to take its toll. When he finally got out of the car, Cooper and James were talking and looking around. James had his axe, of course, and Cooper was carrying a metal baseball bat. It had some reddish brown stains and Aleks winced just looking at it. Cooper saw him and came over.

“Do you have your weapons?”

Aleks patted the gun at his hip. 

“You’ll need something else, too. The gun should be for last-ditch attempts, okay?” Cooper pulled a sheathed knife out of his satchel and handed it to Aleks. 

“Take this. It’s more for close range, but it’ll do. We’re planning on being in and out anyway without too much combat.”  
It seemed like Cooper wouldn’t really mind some combat, judging by the glint in his eye as he handled the weapons, but Aleks refrained from mentioning it. 

He took the knife and balanced it in his hand. It had a good weight and felt sturdy. He pocketed it and nodded at Cooper.

“Thanks, man.” 

They both went to join James, who was squinting as he looked into the town. They were parked on the outskirts of the small group of buildings and stores. Cooper pointed down what looked like main street. 

“There’s a grocery store down there to the left and farther down on the right is a convenience store, gas station kind of place.”

“Do you think we should split up?” Aleks asked.

“No, better not. There’s only three of us,” James said quickly.

“He’s right,” Cooper said. “It’s not smart to have one person by themselves.”

Aleks nodded. 

“Grocery store first. It’s closer, you said?” James started walking down the cracked paved road. “Also, you said that this place was overrun. I don’t see a single Creeper right now,” James pointed out.

“Last time I was here, it was pretty bad. It makes sense that it’s thinned out by now.”

“So you could also be wrong about there being stuff left,” James said, still not looking back at them. Aleks could sense the tension brewing. He saw Cooper furrow his brow, but when he opened his mouth to say something back, Aleks grabbed his arm and gave him a pointed look. He glanced at Aleks and nodded, his face slipping back into its usual cheerfulness.

“I suppose so, but it’s worth a shot isn’t it?”

“I guess,” they heard James grumble. Aleks exchanged a look with Cooper and they kept walking.  
It wasn’t long before they came to a store with a broken sign that had once said Food Mart. Now it said Fo d Ma t. James stopped.

“This the place?”   
Cooper nodded. 

“I’ll go in first. Aleks, you bring up the rear.”  
Cooper and then James went in through the dingy doors, forcing them open more than they already were. Aleks looked around one more time before following and he noticed a movement around the corner of the building. He was about to go check it out when he heard that terribe low moan that he knew all too well, so he quickly stepped through the door instead, slamming it behind him.

“Guys, there’s a…!” hos voice trailed off as he turned to face his friends. They were standing still, staring at a group of zombies in the produce aisle that were turning towards Aleks’ voice.

“Oh, shiii…” he croaked. James looked back at him with wide eyes and placed a finger over his lips urgently. But it was too late. Cooper knew it too. He turned to James and Aleks, a grin forming.

“Well boys, looks like we’re going to get some action after all,” and he started towards the nearest zombie, brandishing his bat. “Come get me, you bloody ugly bastards.”

Aleks was frozen to the spot until James caught his arm and forced him to look him in the eyes.

“Aleks, can you do this?”

Aleks pulled his arm away bitterly.“I’ll be fine James. How about you worry about yourself,” he snapped.

James didn’t get angry like Aleks expected, he just studied his face with large, serious eyes for a few seconds before stepping back and nodding.

“Okay, Aleksandr,” and he turned around to join Cooper. Aleks could hear the thud of their weapons and the groaning cries of the zombies. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. 

Can I actually do this? Was I telling James the truth? 

His hands were starting to shake, so he balled them into fists, his nails cutting into his palms. He wouldn’t freeze up this time. He would show James and Cooper that he was useful; that he was strong.   
“I’ve got this,” he breathed.

“Aleks!” 

He heard the scream and his eyes flew open. A rotting zombie was inches away from his face. Its ruined jaw was hanging grotesquely and one of its eyes was completely gone. The horrible smell hit Aleks instantly, taking his breath away. 

He ended up acting more out of adrenaline and reflex than anything else. He pulled out the knife and sank it into the disgusting, black eye socket. It sank in with a squelch and the twitching carcass fell forwards onto Aleks. He lurched back with a squeak and it thudded to the floor and lay, twitching. 

Slowly, Aleks looked down at it and then up at James who was standing a good twenty feet away with his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide. Aleks smiled weakly and gave him a thumbs up which James reciprocated without changing his expression. Before either of them could say anything, Aleks heard Cooper yell from a couple aisles down.

“C’mon boys, these uglies won’t take care of themselves!”


	6. The Fall

Aleks watched as Cooper took down the last zombie with a crushing blow to its head. He dropped his gory bat with a thud and stood, breathing heavily for a few seconds before turning to look at Aleks. 

“Well, that was fun,” he panted, wiping his forehead. 

Aleks heard footsteps coming up behind him and James say, “If that’s your idea of fun, remind me not to come to any of your parties.”

Aleks looked over his shoulder at his friend. James was dripping with sweat and dirty, just like the rest of them. He looked serious, but relieved. Aleks grinned at him and he quirked a smile back. 

“It was exciting,” Aleks admitted. James rolled his eyes.

“That’s all you can say about it? Exciting? We took out like fifty Creepers at least.”

“Twenty’s more like it,” Cooper said, bending over to pick his bat back up.

“Felt like more,” James muttered. “Not to mention, I don’t see much food around here, do you?”

“I saw some cans in the back,” Aleks said. 

“So did I,” Cooper nodded at Aleks. “James, it wasn’t like we expected the entire store to be stocked.” 

James just nodded, his eyes stormy. He was being difficult today. Maybe because he didn’t want to come here in the first place.

Cooper led the way to the back of the store. He and James started looking through the scattered cans while Aleks hung back. 

“These are shit,” James grumbled, stuffing a few cans of beans into his backpack.

 

“It’s better than nothing,” Cooper said, sounding annoyed. Aleks couldn’t blame him. 

“We should get out of here,” Aleks said when they were done. 

“Agreed. But we should stick around the town some more. I’m sure we can get a lot more than what we have here.”

“No offense, but I don’t really feel like going through another horde,” James cut Cooper off. “I don’t know about Aleks, but…”

“But what, James?” Aleks snapped. “I’m fine with it. I’ve told you countless times that I’m ok but you keep acting all high and mighty! Like, ‘Oh I’m James and who cares what Aleks thinks but I don’t like this so we’re no going to do it’ gets really annoying really fast. You expect us to put up with it, hell I’ve put up with it over and over again, but why should I? Why, James?” 

At the end, he was almost yelling and out of breath. He stopped, surprised at himself. James’ face was red with anger and Aleks braced for the verbal blow. Sure enough, it came just as strong as he had expected.

“You know what Aleks? Fuck you! You haven’t been so perfect yourself. What have you done lately besides feel sorry for yourself, huh?” 

Aleks couldn’t listen anymore. To hear his worst fears confirmed by James himself was too much. Who knows what James would go on to say. So he turned and ran. It might have been childish but he didn’t care anymore. Aleks just didn’t care.  
…………………………………………………………………..

James regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth but all he could do was watch the color drain from Aleks’ face before he ran away. James started after him, but Cooper caught his wrist.

“I fucked up, I fucked up,” James groaned trying to tug away. “Godammit, let me go after him!”

“Do you really think he wants to see you right now?” Cooper’s voice was quiet. James stopped pulling and Cooper let go of his wrist. He buried his face in his hands.

“I’m so stupid.”

“Hmm. Maybe.”

“He can’t be off by himself though.”

“James, the boy can take care of himself. I think that’s what he’s been trying to tell you.”  
Frustration and guilt were building up in James’ chest and he didn’t know what to do but pace back and forth shaking his head. 

“But, but what if he can’t? You don’t know what he’s been through. I..” his voice caught in his throat. “I worry.”

“I can see that. He’s your best friend, right?”

James nodded.

“Then have a little faith in him,” Cooper said. There was silence for a moment then he chuckled.

“What?” James asked.

“You two. You just have some of the worst communication skills I have ever seen.”

“I guess so,” James admitted. “I don’t really know what to do about that. We used to be really close, like best friends.”

“I have a feeling that it will work itself out in time. I hope for everyone’s sakes that it’s sooner rather than later.”

James hoped so too. He didn’t really know what Cooper meant about it working itself out, but he never quite understood what Cooper was saying so he let it drop.

“He ran outside,” he pointed out after a minute. “Should I go check on him or do you think you should?”

“I’ll do it,” Cooper offered. “He might still be angry with you.”

James had a feeling Aleks had never really been angry at him, but he nodded at Cooper.

“Ok.”

Cooper went out and James sat down. He was mentally exhausted and emotionally very mixed up. Aleks was messing with his head even more than usual. One of the great mysteries of their relationship was why they felt the need to fight all the time. James didn’t like it and he was pretty sure Aleks didn’t either, but it was a dynamic that had always been there and he didn’t know how to get around it. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

James was just beginning to wonder why Cooper was taking so long when he heard him shouting. Immediately, James knew something was wrong. And then he heard a sound which made his heart drop into his feet. A gunshot. Aleks.

“Aleks!” he cried jumping up. Aleks would never have shot that gun unless he had no other choice.   
Bursting through the door, James ran into Cooper with a thud. He was standing just outside, looking up at the roof. 

“Aleks is up there!” he said, shoving James away from him. 

“How…?” 

“There’s a ladder around the side. There’s zombies up there. He’s in trouble!”

“Aleks!” James yelled, following Cooper.

“James! Help!” he heard Aleks cry. Then another gun shot.

“Shit,” James breathed, panic rising in his throat. 

“Here, here!” Cooper yelled from the utility ladder leading up to the roof. He was already halfway up as James scrambled to it. When James got to the top what he saw made his blood run cold. 

Aleks was across from them backing up towards the edge. There were at least ten Creepers dragging themselves toward him, arms outstretched. He was struggling to load his gun again, almost dropping it. His wavy hair was in his eyes and James could see the terror on his face from where he stood, frozen. Aleks was still backing up as he fumbled with the gun. Closer, closer. He was getting to close to the edge.

“Aleks!” James all but screamed. That was his mistake. Aleks flinched, startled. He dropped the gun with a clatter and stumbled backwards. For a split second, James met his eyes and then with a sharp cry, he disappeared and this time James really did scream. Everything was going in slow motion.

“Aleks, no!” he reached forward blindly even though there was no point. From seemingly far away, he heard Cooper swear loudly. The Creepers slowly turned towards his voice, but James didn’t care.

Only the sickening thud brought him to his knees and made time become all too real again.

James didn’t remember climbing down from the roof. It didn’t matter until he reached Aleks. He was sprawled on his side, limp and white. Desperately, James’ fingers flitted over his body, coming to rest on his neck. A faint pulse sent momentary relief shooting through his veins, even if the terror didn’t subside.   
Cooper appeared at his side, breathing hard.

“Is he…”

“He’s breathing,” James choked out.

“Thank God,” Cooper breathed, he checked his pulse for himself. “His pulse is weak though. He’s in shock.” 

That’s when James saw the blood on the ground near his head.

“He’s bleeding!”

Cooper saw where James was looking and gently moved Aleks’ head to the side. There was a deep, ugly gash on the side of his temple.

“Shit.” He quickly stood up, tearing a piece of cloth from the bottom of his shirt. “Wrap this around his head,” he handed it to James. “We’ve got to get him out of here.”

James took the cloth, his hands shaking.

“Aren’t we not supposed to move him? What if something is broken?”

“I’m going to check him over, but there’s not much we can do. He can’t afford to lose much blood.”

James fastened the rough bandage around Aleks’ head as best he could while Cooper felt him over quickly.

“He has some cracked or broken ribs, a possible concussion and something’s wrong with his left arm as far as I can tell,” he finally said, standing up. “I’ll be honest, I’m no expert but I’m surprised it’s not worse.”

James could only nod weakly. 

“There’s uglies coming, mark my words, so we’ve got to clear out. James, do you have him?”

“Yeah,” James scooped Aleks up in his arms. He was disturbingly light. James’ heart broke for the tenth time that day. 

“I’ll clear the way,” Cooper pulled out his bat. “We’re going to get him back safe, I swear.”

James could only hear the blood rushing in his ears as he ran with Aleks. Cooper lagged behind, engaging a zombie with his bat. 

“He’s gonna be ok, James,” Cooper shouted to him as he finished it off.

“How the fuck do you know?” James shouted back, moving as fast as he could with Aleks held limply in his arms.

“Trust me,” Cooper said vehemently, catching up to him. James could see the car, they were close. He looked away from Cooper, who was breathing hard.

“No, you just shut the fuck up. This is your fault, I trusted you, he trusted you and this is your fault! He fucking better be ok or…or,” James’ voice trailed off and he clutched Aleks tighter to his chest.

“We’re almost there! Just hold on,” Cooper assured him. James could hear the Creepers behind them, but the mob was slow. 

They would make it. But Aleks’ skin was getting paler and paler and James had never felt so afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is shorter than usual. It was a good place to cut off the chapter. 
> 
> Have a great weekend!


	7. Aftermath

Everything was dark, but Aleks could barely make out voices. They seemed to be coming from a long ways away. He thought he heard his name; that voice…it sounded familiar, but Aleks couldn’t think who it was. He was tempted to sink back into obliviousness, but something about the voice was tugging at him. He became aware that his eyes were closed and that was why he could only see blackness, but he couldn’t bring himself to open them. He was much too tired. Aleks could feel himself drifting away until a sharp jolt brought everything rushing back, and pain along with it. God, his head was on fire.

Aleks groaned. The voice exclaimed, “Aleks!” 

He groaned again, struggling to open his eyes. He tried to remember where he was and what had happened but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even remember who the voice belonged to. But it sounded so familiar…

“J..Jordan?” he coughed.

“No. No Aleks, it’s me.”

He finally got one eye open a sliver. A blurry face was hovering over him, glistening dark eyes staring at him. 

James. Of course.

“James,” he murmured. “James.” 

The name spread through him like a warm, comforting liquid. Aleks closed his eyes again, relieved. 

“Aleks, no, stay awake. Stay awake, please!”

“But ‘m tired,” he slurred, opening his eyes anyway. He could see James clearer now. He looked scared. That made Aleks nervous. “Where are we?”

“In Cooper’s car,” James said, not taking his eyes off Aleks. Aleks realized that they were indeed in the back of a moving car. And then he realized that his head hurt. A lot.

“My head, James…” he groaned, clutching his throbbing temple. James quickly grabbed his hands and gently moved them away.

“I know Aleksandr. Don’t touch it, you’re bandaged up. You’ll be ok as long as you don’t sleep.”

It didn’t feel ok and Aleks told James so. 

“I know,” he said again. “I’m sorry…” he trailed off looking distraught. Aleks felt bad for bringing it up. He was getting more and more sleepy and he didn’t want to talk anymore. But James didn’t want him to sleep, so Aleks tried to distract himself. He tried to remember what had happened. 

Bits and pieces were floating around in his head. Aleks recalled arriving in the town, fighting zombies, yelling, but it was all mixed up and disjointed. He remembered being up high, surrounded by zombies, backing up with a gun in his shaking hands…a gun that he…

Aleks gasped suddenly and struggled to sit up. James’ hands and his throbbing head stopped him quickly and he groaned in frustration.

“Aleks, what the hell?” James demanded, carefully pushing him back until he was lying down again. Aleks struggled weakly against his grasp.

“My…my gun. James, where is it? My gun, James.”

“What’s going on?” he heard Cooper ask. “What’s that about his gun?”

“I…” James started, but Aleks cut him off.

“My gun, it fell. I dropped it. Do you have it? James please tell me you have it.”

“Of course I don’t have it. That stupid gun was the least of my worries,” James snapped.

Aleks’ heart dropped. He stopped struggling and fell limp again.

“Fuck,” he breathed. 

He had had that gun since the beginning of this whole thing. Kevin had given it to him. Aleks still wasn’t sure exactly why, but it had gotten him through some terrible situations and had been an anchor through dark times. He wasn’t thinking straight to begin with, but the loss of that anchor had him reeling. 

“Are you ok? Aleks, talk to me!” 

Aleks slowly came to realize that James was talking to him. And shaking him. 

“It’s gone…” was the only thing that he could get out. “Can we go back?” he hardly dared to ask.

“No, god no! Are you crazy? We’re never going back there ever again. I knew it, I knew something like this would happen,” James sat back, and ran a hand through his hair frantically. “I’m sorry Aleks, you don’t deserve this, any of this. You don’t deserve my shit. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I…”

His voice trailed off as Aleks started to lose consciousness again. He tried to talk, to tell James that it wasn’t his fault; that it was ok, but he just couldn’t do it. The lure of sleep was too great and the darkness took him once again.

When he woke up he was laying on their couch. The first thing he saw when he rolled over was a familiar pistol, resting on the coffee table beside him.

……………………………………………………………………….

Aleks was mopey for a week after the incident. Even when James (reluctantly) let him get up and move around. He stopped looking James and Cooper in the eye and never participated in anything, instead choosing to sit on the couch with some paper and a pen that Cooper had given him. He couldn’t even figure out if he was writing or drawing because whenever James came in the room, he would turn the paper over until he left.

James tried to confront him several times, but the little shit always managed to squirm out of it. Finally, James decided to go to Cooper. As much as he questioned the man’s judgment, he was desperate. 

This particular afternoon, James found him outside under his car, presumably inspecting it. 

“Cooper!” James called to the pair of legs sticking out. Cooper grunted and pushed himself out from under the car. Standing up, he wiped his hands on his torn shirt and looked at James expectantly. 

“What?” he asked. 

“I, uh, need to talk to you about…” James said, awkwardly trailed off.

“Yes?” Cooper motioned for him to continue.

“About Aleks,” he finished, looking at his shoes. 

“Oh, really?” The question sounded nonchalant, but when James looked up, Cooper was smirking.

“What?” he frowned. 

“Nothing,” Cooper said, still smirking. “What about Aleks did you want to talk about?”

“Haven’t you noticed how he’s been acting lately?” James said, a little annoyed. “He’s been acting depressed and he’s been moping around for a week.”

The smirk vanished, replaced by a frown as Cooper listened. He nodded.

“Of course I’ve noticed. Has he ever acted this way before?”

James swallowed. 

“Well, yeah actually. A lot. But he’s getting better and…this is different somehow.”

Cooper crossed his arms and leaned against Jessica. He looked serious for once. 

“Tell me about it.”

“What?”

“Everything.”

And James did. He didn’t tell him everything, but most of the important parts, he did. From losing Aleks to finding him, then from his broken state to slowly healing and then to now, he explained it all. Cooper listened carefully the whole time, not butting in until he was done. 

“So, he had a bit of a relapse it seems.”

“It seems like it,” James admitted. 

“And then our little trip, which I do feel bad about, happened and now he’s being distant and withdrawn.”

James nodded, a heavy pit in his stomach. 

“But he’s never been so fucking gone before, like even when he was the most down, he turned to me.”

Cooper nodded thoughtfully. He stared at his feet for a minute, chewing his lip before he looked back up and met James’ eyes. 

“Look, I’m no psychiatrist and I don’t claim to be one,” he shrugged. “But, it seems to me James, that your Aleks has a bad case of guilt and self-loathing.”

“Guilt?” James asked, confused. What did Aleks have to feel guilty about?  
“He feels terrible about himself. I could see that from the beginning, and now in light of recent events, I reckon that he feels ten times worse.”

James’ heart sank into his feet. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling slightly sick. Aleks hated himself and blamed himself for everything. It all became clear now and every harsh and derogatory word he had ever thrown at Aleks came rushing back to James making his head spin. How had he not noticed this earlier?

“I’m a terrible friend.”

Cooper quickly shook his head. “No, no you’re not James. I think you’re just confused.”

“Confused about what?” James scoffed in frustration.

“Exactly,” Cooper patted James on the shoulder and walked towards the house, shaking his head. As he left, James heard him say, “I thought the dumb bastard had actually figured it out.”

James didn’t care to figure out what that meant. He had more than enough to think about for a long time.

His second to last piece of paper was almost full. It was covered with doodles of Aleks’ old life. His cat, his dog, a cup of coffee. Old song lyrics that he barely remembered flitted across the grimy notebook paper on both sides. He glanced at his last blank page lying on the coffee table. He decided that he should save it. 

Aleks lay back down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling cracks and peeling plaster. He had been thinking a lot this past week and an idea had been brewing in the back of his mind.

He touched his head where the bandage still was, even though he didn’t need it anymore. Cooper had diagnosed Aleks with a concussion, but it wasn’t bothering him anymore. Being confined to the couch for a week had been terrible, but it had done its job. 

He was feeling better, but James was driving him crazy. The man was always hovering just out of reach. Aleks could tell that he wanted to talk, but it was easy to avoid potential conversations. He always ended up feeling bad, but it was for the better. 

It was.

What happened a week ago had him convinced. Every night when he drifted off, the dreams would come without fail. Frenzied, blurry scenes. Some of the nightmares were of what had happened, but most of them were of what could have happened and those ones were the worst. Sometimes James died. Sometimes, he got hurt. Sometimes it was Cooper, but always, always it was Aleks’ fault and he couldn’t stand it. He knew that it had been his fault. He had been stupid, like always, practically throwing himself at danger. Aleks was dangerous to be around, that was a simple fact, but James was to nice to ask him to leave so Aleks figured that he would spare James the trouble. At least no one could say that he wasn’t thoughtful.

He sighed and flung one arm out. It hit something on the coffee table, sending it sliding to the floor with a thud. Aleks froze but James didn’t come in so he figured he was outside. He sat up with a grunt, remembering how sore he was and perched himself on the edge of the couch. His eyes fell on the pistol laying askew on the ground. He sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. That stupid, fucking gun. James was even more stupid though for going back for it. Aleks had been delirious but he had still managed to guilt trip his best friend into going back for something that was only of sentimental value at best. 

Aleks grabbed his hair and flung himself down on the couch in frustration. That idea was sounding better and better. He just needed some way, any way, to make sure that he couldn’t get James hurt anymore. So he would leave. Just leave. Cooper was here now, James didn’t need him. Cooper had watch tonight and it would be easy for Aleks to sneak away. The more he thought about it, the more it sounded like the right thing to do. 

Aleks figured that he should get up. As long as he didn’t run into James. He picked himself up from the couch and cautiously went into the kitchen. There was no one there so he went to the back door. It was shut, but he opened the door and looked out. James and Cooper were there, talking by Cooper’s stupid car. Aleks closed the door again carefully and went back into the kitchen. He was being a coward. Either he does it, or he doesn’t. And to keep James safe, he has to do it. Well, at least that’s settled.

There wasn’t much to do to prepare. Aleks gathered his things into his backpack, leaving out only a piece of paper and a pen. He wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye to James in person and not stay, so a note would have to do. He pilfered some food from the cabinet and a few water bottles, stuffing them into his backpack. As he was finishing, he heard the door open, then close. He froze, listening to the footsteps. It was James and he was coming towards him. Aleks tossed his backpack under the table just as he appeared in the doorway.

“Aleks?”

“Hey, James,” Aleks said. He figured that he should at least make the effort to meet James’ eyes, so he did. They were confused and worried and it didn’t make Aleks feel any better.

“Hey, I…uh…I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too,” Aleks agreed. “Hey, I wanted to say thanks for…saving my life and everything. I know I’ve been a dick these past few days, I just. Thanks, you know?”

It was the most he’d said to James this week and he blinked, surprised. 

“You really don’t have to…but you’re welcome. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t try to save you.”

Aleks swallowed. He could still say goodbye without having to actually say the words. He walked forward and hugged James before the other man could do anything. He felt James’ arms hold him back and he had never felt so safe, but Aleks being safe wasn’t the problem, so he let go and turned around, and left James.

“I’m…going to go to bed early. Night, James.”

“Night,” he heard James say distantly.

Aleks closed his eyes and wiped away the tear sliding down his cheek.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

James tossed and turned for the better part of an hour. He couldn’t shake the feeling of something being wrong. That hug…never mind. His mind was twisting and turning with confusion and worry about Aleks. James had never felt so conflicted, like he was battling something within himself, and he didn’t even know what the conflict was. 

Finally, James drifted off, emotionally exhausted more than anything.

At first, everything is dark. Gradually, he can hear the whistling of wind all around, and as the darkness fades to gray, James can make out a rooftop. He’s standing on a roof again, except this time there’s no Creepers, just Aleks. He’s standing with his back to James, his dark, messy hair rippling in the breeze. James takes a step towards him, unsure of himself. 

“Aleks?” he says hesitantly. Aleks flinches, but he doesn’t turn around. 

“What are you doing here?” His voice is low and hoarse.

“I don’t know,” James admits. “Why are you here?”

Aleks sighs, his shoulders slumping.

“Go home, James,” he takes a step towards the edge and James’ heart skips a beat. 

“Aleks, what are you…” the words fade from his lips as Aleks takes another step.

“They’re better off…they’re all better off without me,” his voice is shaking now. 

And suddenly, James understands and it’s a burning coldness deep in his stomach. 

“Who,” he chokes. “Who said that?”

Aleks pauses, his shoulders tightening and his head slumped.

“Everyone,” he whispers. James can barely catch the words. “But they didn’t have to say anything.”

Those words, carried back to him on the wind, cut James deeper than any wound. The pain takes his breath away and he gasps. He sees Aleks take one more step and he lunges forward to grab him, but suddenly his legs feel heavy and his movements become sluggish as if he’s trying to move through syrup. 

Aleks takes another step, the toe of his left sneaker hanging over the edge, and James’ panic reaches a peak. He can’t reach him, but he can still talk. 

Aleks lifts his foot; it hovers in the air.

“Stop!” he screams. His voice is raw and full of terror, and it startles Aleks into obedience. He puts his foot back down.

“What, James?” he spits, but his voice wavers on the last word, betraying him.

James takes a breath and lets his heart open, just a crack.

“What if I wouldn’t be better off without you? What if I told you that I…would be lost without you? What about that?”

“James…” 

“No, Aleksandr. You told me to go home, but without you, that’s impossible. So, no, I’m not leaving without you.” His voice cracks on the last sentence and he can hear Aleks gasp. Then, there’s silence. James is trembling, stuck in place, watching.

Aleks is frozen too, but his foot is no longer poised over the edge. His shoulders are rising and falling with his sharp breaths.

Finally, he pulls his foot back all the way and takes a full step back. He turns to James and James finally can breath when he sees his eyes. They’re glistening, maybe with tears, and the rich brown is deep and thankful and it’s home. He goes towards Aleks, able to move again, drawn towards him like a magnet. They meet, falling into each other in an embrace that James has longed for even though he didn’t know it until now. He sinks his head into Aleks’ shoulder, breathing in his scent, his warmth.

“James,” Aleks says after a minute. James pulls away slightly, startled to find Aleks’ face right in front of his own. Suddenly, he becomes aware of his racing heart, his shaking hands, and what can only be described as an army of butterflies in his stomach. Slowly, wonderingly, he holds his breath as Aleks leans in. His eyes flutter shut, but James keeps his wide open; his heart is racing so fast, he’s sure Aleks can hear it and he knows what Aleks is about to do and he should be pushing him away. But somehow that’s the last thing he wants to do. He wants this. He wants Aleks. 

Just as he realized this, just as everything became as clear as day, just as he could feel Aleks’ breath on his lips, James woke up to Cooper yelling his name.


	8. Gone

Cooper hadn’t been too concerned at first when he couldn’t find Aleks that morning. Sometimes he liked to go outside in the early hours of the day, even if it was a particularly cold morning today. It was when Aleks was nowhere to be found outside either, that he began to worry.  
His worry increased ten fold when he noticed that all of Aleks’ things were gone and the couch didn’t look slept on. And his worry turned to horror when he saw the note on the kitchen table. It was folded in half and written on it was simply, ‘James’. 

Cooper swore.

He hadn’t known how bad it was. The fool boy had finally lost his mind. Or maybe it had been gone long before. He had been spectacularly oblivious after all.  
Cooper’s hand wavered over the folded piece of paper. It was obviously for James, but he was curious as to what the hell Aleks had been thinking, so he picked it up and unfolded it. It was a piece of the notebook paper that he had given him and this fact made Cooper feel more guilty than it should have. About half the page was taken up with Aleks’ neat writing. He began to read.

Hey James,  
First of all, I know that you’re going to be mad because I didn’t tell you that I was leaving. Best friends telling each other everything and all that shit. I don’t want to make you feel guilty and tell me not to go, because I need to do this. You need to trust me on this. Please James, don’t come after me.  
The last thing I want though is for you to think that I’m not grateful for everything you’ve done for me. It’s too much, I know and I can never repay you. You have always been my best friend, but you don’t need me. Cooper’s there now. Tell him I’m grateful, ok?  
I know that this sounds dumb, but I can’t fully explain why I’m doing this. It’s just something that I feel like I have to do. I guess it just seemed like a good time to part ways. It had to happen.  
I’ll miss you James. You saved my life, and sure you’ve been an asshole most of the time, but you’ve always been there and that’s more than I could do for you. Maybe I needed you too much and it wasn’t fair to either of us.  
Thank you, for everything.  
Love, Aleks

P.S. I mean it about not trying to find me. Please. This is for the best.

Cooper sighed and dragged a hand over his eyes heavily. He folded up the letter again and set it back on the table. What was this going to do to James? Aleks had left so little behind. There was so much hiding behind the simple words he had written, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing he could have written would have been enough. Cooper knew James well enough to know that he would be shocked and devastated and probably furious as well. Furious at Cooper and Aleks, and himself most likely. Honestly, they all deserved it. Everyone had messed up this time. 

He sat down by the table, dreading calling James down. Cooper knew what he would want to do and honestly, he didn’t know what the right thing was in this situation. But when he thought about Aleks all alone, out there where being alone meant that every second was a ticking time bomb to disaster, he knew what he would do. Aleks was a good person, even if he was misguided and completely oblivious. 

Cooper knew that he couldn’t stall any longer. Standing up, he took a deep breath, braced himself and yelled, “James!”

-Last Night-

It was cold, really cold. Of course Aleks had picked the coldest night of the year to go off on his own. He was chilled to his very core and all the way through his bones. He already regretted leaving, just a bit, but he kept plodding forward, placing one foot in front of the other, over and over, again and again. This is for James, this is for James, this is for James. 

A noise that Aleks was far too familiar with startled him out of his trance. A rot faced zombie was stumbling towards him out of the trees, snarling as if in triumph. Aleks had little time to react; his reflexes were frozen and slow and in the blink of an eye the creature was on top of him. Caught off guard, he stumbled and fell back hard, bashing his already hurt head on a rock. He tried to get up, but everything was fuzzy and uneven and he fell again. A sharp pain stabbed through his right ankle, but he ignored it, grunting and pushing the creature away, pulling back from the snapping jaws. He almost yelled for James, but stopped himself, gritting his teeth.

The zombie was coming towards him again. Aleks knew that if his gun went off he was as good as dead so he resisted grabbing for it, clenching his fingers into fists instead. The zombie lunged and instead of backing off again, Aleks tackled it, bringing it hard to the ground. He leaped up and pinned it with his foot. It struggled feebly, but had no strength. Aleks looked down at it. He felt a little pity, but not much, and so it was easy to bring his foot up and then down hard on its crumbling skull. A few stomps and it was over. Aleks looked at it blankly as he slowly became aware of a burning, fiery pain in his ankle. He took a step and had to grab a tree and bite his lip hard to keep from crying out.

He had messed up. Aleks was going to die in this god forsaken forest. 

He couldn't walk. He tried, he really did but no matter how much his brain wanted to, it couldn't win over his body. He could sort of move in a painful shuffling limp, but the cold and pain was sapping his energy. Aleks just wanted it to end. He took a few more half hearted limps before grabbing a tree trunk and stopping. Sliding down the trunk until he was sitting, back to the rough bark, he hugged his knees to his chest and for the first time in a long time, Aleks truly cried. 

The tears burned his face. Stupid. He was stupid, so stupid. He had never been so miserable. His only comfort was that James would be better off without him and yet, deep down, he knew it was an empty comfort. 

At least he could hardly feel his ankle anymore. His head throbbed, but the more tired he became, the more the pain faded. In fact everything was becoming numb, even his mind. Aleks let his reason slip away along with the feeling in his body. He still knew that if he fell asleep he would probably never wake up. His last thought was that he didn't care.

………………………………………………………………………..

James sat up, breathing hard. His heart was beating at a hundred miles per hour and sweat was dripping off him despite the room being freezing. Had Cooper actually called his name, or had he dreamed it? Then he heard it again, “James, you need to get down here!” 

It could be anything that Cooper needed, but something made his heart drop. Maybe it was his dream, maybe it was the tone of Cooper’s voice, maybe it was a combination, James didn’t care. All he knew was that something was wrong, and he had to get downstairs now.

Cooper met him at the bottom of the stairs. When he saw James, he met his eyes, mouth drawn into a hard line. James could hear his own heart thudding in his chest. He paused, looking at Cooper beseechingly. 

“Cooper, what? What is it?”

Cooper just shook his head and stretched out his hand. There was a piece of paper in it.

James didn’t take it, he just kept staring at Cooper. 

“Where’s Aleks?”

“James..” Cooper sighed. “Take it.” He thrust the paper into his hand. James uncrumpled it with shaking hands, dread pooled in his stomach. It had his name on one side.   
He turned it over slowly. It was Aleks’ handwriting.

'Dear James,' he read. Then everything around him became a blur as he kept reading. 

And it was in that moment that James realized that as much as Aleks had needed him, he needed Aleks more. The truth hit him so hard he actually stumbled and had to grab the wall to hold himself up. Aleks was gone. He was gone. And he wasn't coming back. 

James wondered how he hadn't noticed that Aleks had been feeling like such a burden; like James didn't want him. The thought made him sick to his stomach., that Aleks actually thought that James would be happier with him gone. The idea was so absurd, so far from the truth that James couldn't comprehend it. Had he actually acted in a way that would make Aleks feel that way? He had never been very comfortable showing his feelings, even to himself, and to tell the truth he had never really wanted to. That dream he had had, that wonderful, awful dream had opened his eyes, but it was too late. He would do anything to go back and do more to show Aleks how much he needed him. How much he needed him to be ok. He certainly wasn't ok now. He was gone, he was alone, and it was James' fault.

All these things raced through James' mind at one hundred miles per hour until he was left breathless with realization. He needed to find Aleks. There was no argument. He simply had to. And he goddamned better find him unharmed. Otherwise someone or something would suffer.   
Cooper simply looked on, knowing exactly what was to come.

....................................................................................................................................

At first, Aleks wasn’t sure he was awake. The things he felt and heard didn’t seem real. For one thing, he felt warm and he was laying on something soft. Most noticeably, there wasn’t a giant spring digging into his back. But what confused him the most was that he thought he could hear people. People talking, laughing, walking around. He still kept his eyes closed, afraid. Was he having a dream? Had everything before been a dream?

No. He could feel his head and ankle throbbing.

“Hey, I know you’re awake,” someone said.

Aleks eyes flew open.

“Ha, I knew it.”  
It was a girl standing beside him. She looked about ten and Aleks noticed that she had a slight accent, but he couldn’t place it. She somehow looked familiar too. Aleks looked around and seeing the canvass walls, decided he was in a tent.

“What…where am I?” he croaked. 

“You’ll see,” she said, waving his question away. “What I want to know is, who are you?” 

“I’m Aleks,” he mumbled, struggling to sit up.

“I don’t think you should be getting up yet,” she put a hand on his shoulder, coaxing him down. Aleks winced and huffed in agreement. 

She stood there for a few seconds, looking at him and chewing her lip. Aleks was about to say something rude when she startled suddenly.

“Oh! Kyle wanted me to tell him when you woke up. I’ll be back!” She ducked out of the tent quickly, then no more than two seconds later she poked her head back in. “I’m Charlotte by the way. Nice to meet you, Aleks.”

And Aleks was alone.

He looked around the tent, curious. It was huge, but it was roomy. The cot he was laying on had blankets and compared to what he was used to sleeping on, it felt like heaven, but there wasn’t much else in the tent that he could see. Carefully, he rolled on to one side to try to sit up again. As he propped himself on the side of the bed, he almost kicked over a plastic cup of water sitting on the floor. Grateful, he picked it up and took a sip. 

As Aleks drank, he wondered if he should try to leave before this Kyle person came. He still had no idea where he was or how he got here and he wasn’t sure if he should be alarmed or not. The last thing he remembered was falling and hitting his head. God, his head.

He put a hand up to his temple and felt rough cloth. Great, another bandage. James would kill him. If he was there.

Aleks sighed and put his head in his hands. James hated him now; there was no doubt about that. 

“What have I done,” he groaned through his fingers. 

“I don’t know, but you’ve messed yourself up pretty good,” a man’s voice said, startling Aleks. He looked up, embarrassed. 

A tall blond man was standing in front of him, looking at him sympathetically. “And why so eager to get up? Charlotte said you were still resting.”

“I just…” Aleks paused. He didn’t know how to explain himself to this person. Kyle, he assumed. “First of all, where the fuck am I?” 

Kyle’s blue eyes twinkled at him, amused. 

“Charlotte told me your name is Aleks, right?”

Aleks nodded tightly. 

“Aleks,” Kyle rolled the name around on his tongue. “Hm. I like it. I’m Kyle,” he stepped forward and began to pace a little. As much as he could in a tent. “You’re at our camp. About five miles north of where we found you in the woods.”

“Your camp?”

“Mhm. We were out scouting in the woods when we came across you, laying there, out cold. I wasn’t sure you were alive at first, but sure enough, here you are. You’re a tough one Aleks,” Kyle smiled at him, eyes twinkling again. “I do have some questions for you of course, but you don’t need to answer them until you want to. I understand, trust me.”

He stopped pacing and squatted down in front of Aleks so that they were eye level. Aleks almost felt uncomfortable his proximity, but he seemed sincere enough. And, he had to admit he was a charming guy.

“You can stay here for as long as you need,” Kyle patted Aleks’ knee. “Charlotte will bring you dinner tonight. Actually, you better lay back down, you’re looking pale. Feel better soon,” he flashed a smile again and stood up.

“Um, thanks, man,” Aleks said, a little uncertainly. 

“No problem,” he said over his shoulder as he stepped out.

Aleks took a deep breath and lay back down on the cot.

He stared at the dusty, gray top of the tent, noting a small spider hanging from a thin web. He watched it climb up the strand and scuttle away, thankfully not in his direction. Aleks closed his eyes, exhausted. He was tired and sore and his ankle and head were both bothering him. He was also in a bit of shock at how quickly things had changed. Just a day ago, he had been with Cooper and James in the shambly shitty place they called home. He wasn’t too prideful to admit that he missed James like an ache in his chest. Even them being mad at each other or not speaking was better than him not being here. The absence of his presence was loud and glaring and Aleks’ heart hurt the more he thought about it. 

He turned over and buried his face in the thin pillow, willing his tears away. This was his decision, and his alone and nothing he could do would change it. He would have to live with it.

Aleks finally drifted off to sleep, his face damp.

He woke up to the tent flap rustling. 

“Aleks?”

It was Charlotte. Aleks rolled over to look at her. She was carrying a plate. 

“Kyle said to bring you dinner,” she held the plate out to him.

“A hotdog?” he asked incredulously, sitting up.

“Yeah,” she smiled, suddenly shy. “You haven’t had one in a long time, have you?”

Aleks shook his head, turning the hotdog around in his fingers. It had a bun and ketchup and everything. 

“What kind of a camp do you guys have here?”

Charlotte shrugged. 

“It’s not big but it’s ours. We built it out of nothing. People come from here and there, but I’ve been here from the beginning. Me and Kyle and…some other people,” she faltered on the last part, but caught herself and smiled again. “Are you going to eat it?”

Aleks looked at the hotdog and nodded. He looked back up at her, but she didn’t seem in any hurry to leave, so he shrugged and took a bite. It was good. Really good.

“Do you like it?” she asked.

Aleks nodded, his mouth full. “Can I…?” she trailed off, gesturing to the space beside him. Aleks nodded again, trying to swallow.

Charlotte plopped down next to him, looking pleased. She waited for him to swallow before she spoke again.

“How old are you anyway? You look a lot younger than most of the people here. Besides me.”

“I’m twenty three,” Aleks told her. She looked disappointed.

“Darn, you’re old. I thought you might be cool.”

“Twenty three isn’t that old,” he said, frowning. 

“Oh well. You seem cool anyway. I like your tattoo,” she said, pointing to his arm.

“Thanks,” Aleks said. He took another bite and ate in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again.

“I get pretty lonely here. I wish there was another girl or even boy my age.”

“Are you here alone?” Aleks asked, looking at her sympathetically. 

“No, not really. I came here with my brother but,” she looked down and scuffed her feet across the ground. “He died. But Kyle takes care of me now. He was my brother’s friend. He’s nice to me, but he isn’t cool like my brother.”

“I’m sorry about your brother,” Aleks said, feeling a little awkward, but she just smiled.

“It’s ok. I still miss him, but I feel better now.”

Aleks finished off the hotdog and handed the plate to Charlotte. 

“Thanks, that was really good.”

“Kyle thought you would like it,” she leaned in a little, grinning. “He really likes you, you know. He’s usually all strict and stuff, but I can tell he likes you already.”

“What, why?” Aleks asked, taken aback.

She shrugged. 

“I don’t know. I just think it’s funny.” Charlotte hopped up. “Maybe you’ll feel good enough to come out and meet everyone in the morning?” she said, a little hopefully.

“Maybe,” Aleks nodded at her.

“Ok. Goodnight, Aleks.”

“Night, Charlotte.”

She smiled one more time and left.

Aleks went back to lying on his back, listlessly staring at the ceiling. It was going to be a long night. But not just for him.


	9. All We Can Do Is Move Forward

Cooper leaned against a tree, arms crossed, looking at James. He scrunched his forehead, worried. James was sitting down, exhausted after wandering the forest most of the day with no trace of Aleks. He had his head in his hands and his shoulders were sagging and he looked lost and alone. Cooper felt for him, he really did. He knew what it was like to lose someone important to you, but James and Aleks had had a deep bond, even if neither of them fully realized it. Cooper knew people well. Before the end of the world, he had been a lawyer and a damn good one, and he had seen many different kinds of people. Angry people, sad people, mean people. People who hated each other. People who were in love.

Cooper sighed and shook his head. It was too late now. Perhaps he should have said something to either of them sooner, but who was he to meddle? Still, he should have done something. James seemed to have come to his senses, even if it was too late. Cooper looked at his dejected, crumpled form and decided that he could try to do something now. It might makes things worse, but he had to try.

“James?” he asked, sitting down beside him tentatively. James just grunted tiredly without lifting his face from his hands. “James, I need to tell you something.”

The disheveled man finally looked up at him, his face lined with grief. 

“What?”

His look of sadness was so intense that Cooper forgot what he was going to say. 

“Oh James, I’m sure he’s out here somewhere. He hasn’t been gone that long. He’s fine, he’ll be fine, I know it.”

“But you don’t,” James murmured, closing his eyes. “I mean, he has to be ok, but just because I need something doesn’t mean I’ll get it.” 

“If you’re so sure he’s gone for good, then what’s the point of looking?” Cooper said harshly. “What you’re doing is giving up on Aleks and he would never give up on you, you know that. I know you’re upset, I know you’re scared and that you miss him, but you’re going to miss him a hell of a lot more if you don’t find him and tell him how much you actually care about him and you’re not going to find him if you give up.”  
There was silence for a few minutes, then James opened his eyes again. This time, they held the fiery glint that he had lost. Cooper smiled.

“You’re right. Of course you are. And, Cooper?”

“Yes?”

“I need to tell you something about me and Aleks. Well, me. It's uh about how I feel…”

Cooper cut off his nervous rambling.

“I know.”

“Really?” James looked surprised.

“Oh, yes,” Cooper stood up and held a hand out to James. “Now let’s go find the bastard, shall we?”

……………………………………………………………………………………

 

James took Cooper’s hand, shock coursing through his veins. Cooper knew about how James felt about Aleks? How could he when James had just figured it out himself? He shook his head as Cooper pulled him up. The man was an enigma and for once, James was grateful that he had found them. 

James and Cooper had been following a river in the woods for a while. They had decided to look downstream first. If Aleks was in the forest, all alone, James imagined he would try to find a water source.

God, that image hurt. Aleks in the forest, all alone. He should never have to be alone, and yet he had wanted it, so that James would be happier. That made so little sense and James had been trying to work it all out in his head as they crunched through dead leaves along the riverbank. 

Apparently, Aleks blamed himself for every little thing that had ever gone wrong on their journey together. James knew he hadn’t exactly helped and it was killing him. 

Cooper had told him time and time again to not blame himself, that it would only make things worse, but he couldn’t help but deeply regret every snide or even slightly cruel thing he had ever said to Aleks. He remembered how his dark eyes used to shine and light up when he made a joke or laughed at something James might have said, and he realized that he hadn’t seen them do that in a very long time. James resolved right then and there that when Aleks was back, he would help Aleks become happy and he would see that shine in his eyes again, whatever it might take.

James was startled out of his thoughts when Cooper stopped suddenly in front of him and he ran into him, almost slipping on the damp soil.

“Oof! Hey!” he muttered, catching himself just in time.

“Shhhh,” Cooper hissed, staring straight ahead. “Stay still.” 

James did as he was told, even though he had no idea what was going on. After a minute of silence and neither of them moving a muscle, Cooper relaxed and breathed deeply out.

"Ok. It's ok now."

"Wait, what?" James asked nervously.

"I saw someone," Cooper muttered, shaking his head.

"You saw someone? It could have been Aleks!"

"No, no, it wasn't Aleks. Trust me. This was someone that we don't want to mess around with."

"You know this person then. Who was it?"  
Cooper sucked in a sharp breath and avoided James' eyes.

"It doesn't matter, ok? We have to keep looking, come on."

James knitted his eyebrows, confused and disconcerted. Cooper had never acted so cagey before and it was obvious that he wasn't telling the full truth. James was about to demand that he tell him what was going on when Cooper turned and gave him a look. A look that very clearly said 'We are never speaking about this, ever'. James snapped his mouth shut and shrugged it off. They had to keep moving forward before it got too dark.

The forest seemed to get denser and darker the more they made their way downstream. The foliage had lost most of its leaves and it was on the ground in crumbly heaps that crunched loudly when disturbed. James realized that this whole ordeal had made him less and less fond of the woods and he missed being in a city, or out in the open. 

At least when you had some space around you, there wasn't the chance that a Creeper would jump out at any moment. Cooper seemed extraordinarily unperturbed, as always. James wondered if anything ever ruffled his feathers. There was so much he didn't know about the man and it felt a little lopsided since he had practically told him his and Aleks' life stories. Well, their lives since the freaking apocalypse. It hurt too much to think back to before. It wasn't worth it. That life was over now and it was never coming back.

We can only move forward now.

Through the gaps in the branches above him, James noticed that it was getting darker and darker. The trees were casting strange, twisted shadows that made him shiver. Ahead of him, Cooper kept forging ahead, so James did too. It was only when it got so hard to see that he almost twisted his ankle in a rabbit hole that Cooper decided it was time to stop for the night.

"You want to sleep first, or shall I?" he asked, setting his pack down next to a tree.

James quirked a sad half smile, thinking of the many times he and Aleks had argued about this.

"I probably won't be able to sleep. You go ahead."

Cooper shrugged and began clearing an area.

"Alright. I'll get a fire going."

James wandered around the area a little bit until he saw a glow and heard the crackle of flames. Coming back over, he saw Cooper was laying out a blanket. He laid on it, hands behind his head, looking into the flames, then over at James.

"You going to be ok?" his voice was soft.

"Yeah," James said, trying to sound sincere.

"Ok, then. Goodnight," Cooper closed his eyes.

James sighed, gripping the handle of his axe. Somewhere in the distance, he heard a Creeper groan. He wondered where Aleks was.

He wondered if Aleks was alive.

It was going to be a long night.

............................................................................................................................

Aleks woke up in a cold sweat feeling more tired than when he had gone to sleep. The image of James reaching out to him pleadingly burned into the back of his eyelids. God he was sick of nightmares. He sat up stiffly, blinking and yawning and tried to roll the kinks out of his shoulders. It was hard to tell what time it was, but sun was streaming into the tent and Aleks could hear people outside. He remembered Charlotte asking him to go out and meet everyone, but that didn’t sound like something Aleks wanted to do. At least not right then. He was hungry though. And someone was cooking something…

Reluctantly, Aleks stood up. He was a little shaky and his ankle protested, but he ignored it. He stretched, looking over to the other corner of the tent. His backpack was there, next to his shoes and a pile of folded clothes. Aleks went around the bed, leaned over and unfolded them. There was skinny jeans, a grey t shirt and a maroon hoodie, all about his size. And a pair of socks. Thankful, he peeled off his filthy pants and shirt and put on the new ones. They smelled like campfire smoke and trees, but it wasn’t a bad smell. He shrugged the hoodie over his shoulders, not bothering to zip it and put on the socks wiggling his toes happily. Clean socks were not something that should be taken lightly. 

Aleks’ shoes were still nasty, but he slipped them on anyway. He already felt much better. Now if only there was some way these people could hook him up with a bath…

Aleks pushed through the tent flap and was immediately accosted by a ray of sun right in his eyes. He blinked, shading his eyes. There were tents like his scattered all around him, mixed in with a few rough wooden structures. People were milling around and there was about five people in the middle of it all, seated around a campfire holding plates and talking. Aleks was suddenly overcome with shyness and was about to go back inside, when he heard his name.

“Aleks!” Kyle called, standing up and beckoning him. “Good to see you up! Come over here and get some breakfast!”

Aleks shrugged nervously and shuffled over. Everyone was looking at him so he just looked at the ground.

He stopped next to Kyle who put an arm around his shoulder as if he had known him for years. “This, everyone, is Aleks. He’s one of us for as long as he wants to stay, so you all had better treat him well.”

“What’s Sam had to say about that?” a woman asked, eyeing Aleks in a way that made him uneasy. Kyle’s grip on his shoulder tightened.

“He’s not back from hunting yet, Kate. How is he supposed to say anything when he’s not here?”

Kate shrugged. “I just don’t think you should be making the decisions like this. I say we vote whether the boy stays or not.”

A few other people muttered their agreement, and Kyle shook his head. This time however, Aleks spoke.

“Hey, um, you guys don’t need to vote. I won’t be staying. I’ll probably leave today actually.”

“No way!” Kyle said vehemently. “You are not going off by yourself so soon. You’re not even healed yet,” he gestured to the bandages still wrapped around his head. “We   
aren’t freaking cruel. Are we guys?” he asked, turning to Kate specifically and giving her a pointed look.

“No,” she grumbled, her arms folded.

“I really don’t want to cause trouble,” Aleks muttered to Kyle, but he just shook his head.

“Well, good then,” he beamed. “It’s settled.” He clapped Aleks on the back. “Now sit down and have some rabbit.”

“Rabbit?” Aleks suddenly felt slightly less hungry.

Despite his misgivings, the rabbit meat was satisfying and Aleks was full for the first time in a long time. He sat next to Kyle who was the only one he trusted so far besides Charlotte, but he hadn’t seen her yet. Kyle and his friends talked about a lot of things, but Aleks didn’t pay much attention to what they were saying. He paid more attention to the people.

There was Kate who was sitting across from him and throwing angry glances at Aleks every now and then. She looked like she could be in her late thirties and had short choppy black hair and steely eyes. He hadn’t caught the name of the man next to her who had red hair and a scraggly beard and didn’t seem to even notice Aleks.

The man next to Kyle was younger, in his twenties maybe, and looked nice enough. He had curly blond hair and he kept glancing at Aleks, but more curiously than anything else. Aleks had heard Kyle call him Brad and the more he watched them interact, the more he suspected that they were brothers. Or at least related. 

One by one everyone finished their conversations and wandered away until only Aleks and Kyle sat around the dying campfire. Aleks was pushing a stick around with his toe, not sure what to do next when he heard Kyle.

“Hey, you look like you could use a wash. There’s a section of the stream that we’ve blocked off and we use it for bathing. You interested?”

“Hell yeah.” 

Kyle stood up and offered a hand down to Aleks who took it and got up a little less shakily than last time.  
The blocked off section reminded Aleks of a swimming hole. It was shallow, but not too cold. Kyle had given him some soap and told him he’d make sure no one would come out there for a little while so he could have some privacy. Aleks was of course grateful.

It felt heavenly to really and truly be able to scrub away the thin layer of dirt all over him. He lay in the water, floating happily until he got too cold. Then he finally washed his shoes which was a great relief all by itself. 

Putting on the new clothes was even better when Aleks was clean. He was still damp so he found a spot where the sun shone down somewhat warmly through the trees and spread himself on the ground. Memories of him and James splashing around in a lake were trying to make their way in, but he had been resisting. Until now. Laying there peacefully, it all crashed down on Aleks and he gasped and had to curl in on himself. God it hurt. It all hurt so much.

Aleks lost track of time as he lay in the fetal position trying to forget. Until he heard footsteps approaching, leaves crunching in warning. He sat up quickly just as Kyle came into view.

“Aleks! You’ve been gone awhile and I had to come make sure you hadn’t drowned or become zombie food.”

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” 

Kyle held up his hands. 

“It’s fine! I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Are you?”

Aleks started to nod, but the look Kyle gave him reminded him so much of James that he stopped.

“No,” he admitted looking down. Kyle sighed and sat down next to him.

“So, Aleks. I don’t mean to be pushy but I’m very curious about how you got in the woods alone and hurt. I mean, were you ever with anyone?”

Aleks swallowed, twisting his hands in his lap. He had to tell Kyle something, and he sure as hell didn’t want to lie.

“Yeah, yeah, I was with a guy for a while.”

“What happened?” came the unavoidable question.

“Um it didn’t work out I guess.”

Kyle frowned. "You sound like you're talking about a relationship.”

“No! No,” Aleks shook his head quickly. “I mean like I thought it was time to head out on my own.”

“Did you not like him?”

 

“No, I liked him. We were friends. I just…” Aleks trailed off. It sounded stupid now that he was saying it out loud. But Kyle was looking at him expectantly so he went on. “I thought he’d be better off without me.”

The blond man looked even more confused. Then upset.

“Wait. Did this guy make you leave?”

Aleks shook his head. “No, I decided on my own.”

Kyle looked relieved, but still confused.

“I’m sorry Aleks, but I don’t understand. You left your friend to go out on your own because you thought he’d be happier with you gone?”

“It’s not like that…exactly,” Aleks muttered. Now he was getting muddled himself. “I didn’t think he’d be happier. Just better off.”

“Alright. But why?”

The frustration of not being able to explain himself was making Aleks agitated and he could feel himself breaking down. No, no, no.

“Just because, ok?,” he snapped. He tried to catch himself, but finally gave up, continuing with a sob. “Because everything I do is a fuck up. I can’t do anything right and I was going to get him hurt and he’s done so much for me and I can’t do anything for him and because he doesn’t need me! James doesn’t need me.” 

Aleks whispered the last words into his hands, ashamed to look up at Kyle. After a moment he felt a hand on his arm, warm and solid.

“Aleks,” Kyle said softly. “It’s going to be ok.”

Aleks just sniffed and Kyle put an arm around him. “I promise, alright? I’m here and I’ll make sure it’ll be ok.”

He closed his arms around Aleks who put his head against his chest, trying to hold in tears and wishing it was James.


	10. Sam

James had never really been through withdrawals before, but he imagined that this it must be like this. His head constantly ached and he felt sick all the time. It got worse every day. Every day that Aleks was gone. He woke up this particular morning with a splitting headache and a heavy heart, his newest nightmare still ringing in his ears. 

Cooper gave him a sympathetic glance from where he was crouching over the embers of the dying fire.

“Morning, buddy.”

James didn’t think he had ever heard Cooper say buddy before. He managed a grunt in return.

“Good enough,” Cooper said, stamping out the last licks of flame. “I have to be honest with you, James. I don’t think Aleks is around here. We’ve scoured this side of the river thoroughly.”

James nodded slowly, wincing at the pounding in his head. 

“So we head upstream?”

Cooper seemed to balk at this. “I was thinking we should cross over to the other side and…”

But in a sudden burst of decisiveness, James shook his head. “I think we should look upstream. I have a feeling that’s right.”

He watched Cooper closely, noticing the muscles in his jaw tighten at his words. Cooper thought for a moment before sighing and nodding almost as if in defeat before looking at James, meeting his eyes.

“Alright. Sounds good to me.”

James could only accept that, but in the back of his mind there was doubt that hadn’t been there before. 

This time, James was in the lead. They were pretty much just backtracking, but he felt a little bit better, more hopeful perhaps. He had a bit of trouble keeping his mind from wandering and almost tripped over a stump or ran into a branch several times. Cooper kept up a steady but flimsy conversation that James could keep going by just saying ‘yeah’, or ‘sure’ every now and then. So it wasn’t really much of a conversation but he was thankful to Cooper for trying. After about forty five minutes of this, James barely caught something other than Cooper’s rambling. He stopped, holding an arm out to stop the other man.

“Do you hear that?” he asked, holding his breath.

“Hear what?” 

But just then he saw Cooper’s eyes widen and he knew that he had heard it too.

The low rumble that came from a group of Creepers, and it was getting louder. James had known that their luck wouldn’t last but that didn’t stop his heart from sinking or his pulse from quickening. Damn it.

“How many do you think there are?” he asked Cooper breathlessly. He got a vicious headshake in return.

“Do you think I’m a bloody zombie expert or something? I don’t know, mate,” Cooper snapped, his accent more pronounced than usual.  
James started getting angry before he realized that it wasn’t the best time to get in a fight.

“Come on, we have to hide. Now!” he pulled at a flustered Cooper who stumbled after him behind a fallen tree. The branches were broken and twisted and James took advantage by scrambling down under the biggest one. Cooper barely fit, but they made it. The low groans were getting closer and closer until James could hear leaves crunching and branches snapping as the Creepers shuffled blindly forwards. It was definitely a herd of them. Was a group of Creepers even called a herd? 

James shook his head. He needed to stay focused. He could hear Cooper breathing harshly and turned his head uncomfortably to see him. To his surprise, Cooper looked pale and his eyes were large and staring straight ahead. He was mouthing something.

‘No, no, no, please no.’

James was about to risk asking him what in the hell was going on with him when the loud crack of a gunshot startled him half to death.

“What the fuck!” he yelped, cracking his head painfully against the branch.

“Shut up,” Cooper hissed with a look half vehement, half terrified. Needless to say, James shut up.

Another gunshot rang through the air, and another. It sounded like a shotgun. Someone was shooting the Creepers. James could hear them hitting the forest floor and their agitated growling. He crouched, bewildered and rubbing his head. Then he heard the yells. 

“Ay boss, you got one!” someone with a nasally voice shouted. 

There was the sound of the footsteps of someone running and James heard another voice.

“Of course I did. Just one?” asked a different man. For some reason his voice gave James the shivers. And not in a good way.

“Three. There’s still more of the bastards here. Want me to clear ‘em out?”

The nasally man’s voice was much louder and judging by his footsteps James realized he was right on the other side of the tree. He glanced over at Cooper and saw the blood drain from his face as he came to the same conclusion.

“Yeah, Jim. I’m low on ammo,” the second guy replied. The footsteps finally moved away from their hiding spot and James breathed out in relief. He was also suddenly very curious. Whoever these people were, Cooper knew them. James had to have a look.

He shimmied out from under the branch as silently as he could, ignoring Cooper’s incredulous and increasingly furious stare. Gripping the cracking branch above the one he had been wedged under, James pulled himself up slowly until he could see over the edge of the trunk. There was a man pulling out a knife about fifteen feet away and three Creepers shuffling towards him. Three more lay dead on the ground, bullets through their skulls. 

The man seemed unbothered by the advancing creatures and flipped the knife expertly in his hand before spinning around to meet them. He stabbed the closest one straight through the brain the instant he turned. The two others were almost on top of him but he drop kicked the right on straight onto its back, finished off the left one and drove the knife into it before it could even try to get up. Then he spun the knife again, slipping it into the scabbard at his hip in one fluid motion. James watched, his mouth hanging open. 

“Done. More’s coming, we should get out of here!” he called into the trees. 

One of the trees rustled and a figure stepped out from behind it. It was a man wearing a camouflage hunting jacket, but his face was shadowed. James watched carefully as he stepped forward into the light. 

Suddenly, James was yanked backwards. He lost his grip on the branch and slipped down, scraping his arm on the rough bark and landing in a heap on top of Cooper. 

“Hey, did you hear that?” 

James froze. He could feel Cooper stop breathing beneath him.

“I told you, boss. There’s more uglies coming. Let’s go,” the other man said in his nasally voice. There was a long pause. 

“Alright. Follow me.”

And they were gone.

James heaved a sigh of relief, rolling off of Cooper who coughed and groaned.

“Ouch.”

“Ouch? Are you shitting me right now?” James hissed, still keeping it down just in case. “What even was that? You better tell me freaking everything. You owe it to me after that.”

“Ok, ok,” Cooper put his hands up in defeat. He took a deep breath, looking away. “I knew those guys.”

“Obviously,” James muttered. Cooper shot him a glare.

“Are you going to let me explain?” 

James shrugged and Cooper continued. “I used to know those guys. I traveled with them for a bit, I trusted them. They betrayed me. They’re bastards and horrible filthy wankers and that’s all you need to know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Because I didn’t want to have to. As long as we avoid them we’ll be fine,” Cooper said, meeting James’ eyes.

James looked at him, gauging. He looked sincere enough. 

“Alright, but you better fill me in on the details later.”

“Why later?”

“Didn’t you hear your old friend? There’s more coming.”

“Shit!”

And they took off running in the opposite direction. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aleks woke up from his nap and immediately buried his head under his pillow. He was still embarrassed about going crying to Kyle about his problems, even though he had assured him that he was happy to help. Aleks wasn’t sure how much of a help he had been, but it had felt good to cry some of it out. He would never admit it out loud though. 

“God, I’m a mess,” he groaned, dragging his hands down his face. “Pull yourself together, Aleks.”

Cooper had walked him back to camp then Aleks had stuttered some excuse about being tired and escaped to his tent. But he had to face the world, so he stood up, squared his shoulders and stepped through the tent flap. Unfortunately, his hoodie snagged on the zipper so his stoic exit was rather dimmed.

He squirmed around until he became unstuck, then straightened out his clothes, looking around to see if anyone had noticed. His eyes met a pair of large dark ones. 

“Oh, hi Charlotte,” he said, surprised.

“Aleks!” she grinned. “I wanted to come say hi but Kyle said not to bother you. Are you feeling ok?”

“I’m fine,” he smiled. “What’s up?”

“Nothing really,” she said with a sigh. “Like always.”

“Mmm,” Aleks nodded, trying to look sympathetic. 

But after a moment she brightened up again.

“Hey, do you want to see something cool?” she asked, looking excited. 

“Sure,” Aleks shrugged. “What is it?”

“You’ll see,” she grabbed his hand. “Come on.”

Charlotte pulled Aleks across the camp, ignoring the people who gave them strange looks. Aleks caught a glimpse of Kate eyeballing him, but Charlotte kept pulling him forwards. Finally, they stopped in front of another tent. “This is my tent. You and I are the only ones who have our own.”

“Really?” Aleks was taken aback, despite himself.

“Yeah. Kyle said you should have your own. Kate didn’t like that very much, but…” she trailed off and shrugged. 

Aleks scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Wow, Kyle’s pretty nice isn’t he?”

“The nicest!” Charlotte beamed. “He was my brother’s best friend.” She ushered Aleks into the tent. Instead of a cot there was a sleeping bag on the floor. A pile of books in the corner and a box of clothes were the only other things that Aleks could see. Charlotte sat down and patted the ground beside her. Aleks sat down creakily, holding in a groan.

“Have you had a best friend?” Charlotte asked as soon as he sat. Aleks looked down and shrugged.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Where are they now?”

“Uh, I don’t know where he is now,” Aleks confessed. 

“Are you looking for him?” 

“No.”

Charlotte looked confused. “But why not? If he’s your best friend and you don’t know where he is, why aren’t you looking for him?”

“It’s complicated,” Aleks said looking away. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Charlotte looked offended. “I mean, I don’t really want to talk about it to be honest.”

“Ok,” she nodded. “You don’t have to.” Aleks breathed a sigh of relief.

“What did you want to show me?”

“Oh yeah!” Charlotte jumped up and rushed over to the pile of books in the corner. She pulled out one and plopped it down in his lap. “This my scrapbook. It’s more like a diary with a few pictures, but I call it my scrapbook.” She opened it to a page near the middle. A photo was haphazardly glued to the middle of the page. “This is my family,” she handed the book to Aleks. “And this is my brother.”

Aleks looked where she was pointing. It was a picture of a family of five: a happy looking mom, a tired looking dad, a cute little girl, a grumpy teen girl and, on the right, an older teenage boy grinning at the camera. He had blond hair and a mischievous grin. The picture was obviously a few years old, but Aleks recognized that smile right away. 

It was Cooper.

He froze, gawking at the picture until Charlotte tapped his shoulder. He looked at her and saw that she was frowning.

“What’s the matter, Aleks? Are you ok?”

“Oh, uh, I’m fine. Sorry,” he shoved the book back at her, standing up. “Thanks for showing me that. I know you must miss your brother. But, I uh, have to go ask Kyle something. See you later!” he rushed out, missing Charlotte’s answer. He wasn’t actually going to talk to Kyle. He needed time to process what he had just found out.  
Cooper was Charlotte’s brother and Kyle’s best friend. He had been here. But why had he left?

-And why did he never tell us?-

Aleks rushed past the other tents, but when he was almost to his he heard a commotion. People were shouting about something and Aleks moved towards the sounds, but suddenly Kyle appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his arm.

“Wait,” he hissed. “It’s Sam. He’s back from hunting. I’m not sure he’ll be very happy you’re here so stay in your tent.”

“Who’s Sam?”

“Our leader. Just…stay in there until I call you. Ok?” and he rushed off.

Aleks stood watching him for a moment, then turned and found his tent like Kyle had asked.

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" he muttered, sitting on the edge of the cot. 

He sat there, uncertain how nervous he should be. After ten or fifteen minutes he heard footsteps approaching. Aleks tensed, standing up as Kyle burst through.

“He wants to see you,” he said seriously, voice low. “Better go.”

“Wha…what do I do?”

“Be yourself,” Kyle said, opening the tent flap for Aleks to walk out. “And be polite.”

“I’m always polite,” Aleks muttered, ducking through the opening. 

A man was standing outside, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He wasn’t frowning, but the blank expression on his face exuded coldness. Aleks shivered and stopped but the man beckoned to him sharply. 

“Aleks, right?” his voice was rough and prickly. Aleks swallowed.

“Yeah,” he said, moving forward again. He halted in front of Sam who looked him up and down as if he was examining a piece of meat. The man was a good bit taller. Aleks fought the urge to turn and run. 

“Hmph. Kyle told me he found your sorry ass half-dead in the middle of the forest.”

“That would be true,” Aleks nodded. He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and looked over to see Kyle standing a ways off, watching. He gave Aleks a smile that was probably supposed to be encouraging but ended up being more of a grimace. Sam’s voice made Aleks swing his head back sharply to look at him.

“What’s your last name, kid?” 

Aleks bristled at being called ‘kid’, but he remembered that Kyle told him to be polite, so he held his tongue.

“Marchant,” he muttered.

“Marchant,” Sam growled looking down at him with contempt. “What were you doing in my forest?”  
Aleks almost laughed, but caught himself.

“Excuse me?” he coughed.

“What were you doing in my forest?” Sam sneered, jabbing him in the chest this time. “You better fucking tell me or I’ll kick you out here and now.”

“Your forest?” Aleks asked incredulously. “I hardly think…” he stopped as he was distracted by Kyle shaking his head frantically. But it was too late. Sam surged forward, catching Aleks by the throat. Damn, he was strong.

“When I ask you something, you’ll fucking answer me,” he hissed close his face. Droplets of spit spattered onto his cheeks and Aleks cringed. “You understand?” 

Aleks choked and tried to nod as Sam squeezed. He vaguely heard Kyle come running up behind him.

“Sam for god’s sakes, he understands! He can’t answer when he can’t breath!”

Mercifully, the fingers loosened and Aleks tore away, clutching his throat and gasping.

“Now answer me,” Sam spat, backing away. Aleks rubbed his throat and barely prevented himself from glaring at the man.

“Alright, alright. Shit.” He took one more deep breath and swallowed, ignoring Kyle who was staring intently at him. “It’s not even a big deal. I was lost. That’s it. I wish I never even stepped foot in your freaking forest now.”

Sam nodded, regarding Aleks intensely.

“Trust me. I feel the same,” he leaned against the tree next to him, chewing on something in the corner of his mouth. “Now that we’ve cleared that up, I have one more question for you. And if you lie I swear I’ll not hesitate to shoot you on the spot.” He held up his hand and made a shooting motion while muttering ‘bang, bang’. 

This guy’s completely nuts, Aleks thought. But that didn’t lessen his trepidation a single bit.

“Go ahead. I don’t have any reason to lie,” Aleks said coolly. 

“Do you,” Sam started, somehow looking even scarier than before. “Do you know a man by the name of Cooper?”

Aleks’ heart skipped a beat. “Who?” he asked, struggling to keep up his calm mask. 

“Cooper Delcour. Has blond hair, kind of stocky. Really annoying.”

“I haven’t met anyone like that, no,” Aleks said, hoping his voice wasn’t as shaky as it sounded to himself. “Why are you looking for him?”

Sam studied Aleks with narrowed eyes before answering.

“None of your goddamned business, Marchant,” he growled. 

“So, do you want me to leave? Because I can totally do that.”

“No. No, you won’t be leaving anytime soon. I think you could be useful,” Sam said with a wicked smirk. He straightened and looked Aleks up and down again. “Even if you do look like a scrawny kid. Now go be useful. I have shit to do.” And he strode away without looking back.

Aleks could only stand in shock, staring after him. He barely noticed Cooper trying to say something to him, his hand on his shoulder. 

Only after Sam was out of sight did he notice that his hands were still shaking.


	11. The Things We Left Behind

Aleks balled his hands into fists, stopping the shaking. Slowly he turned to Kyle.

“We need to have a talk,” Aleks said stiffly, folding his arms and trying to keep his face neutral.

“I know,” Kyle admitted, looking everywhere but Aleks.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Sam?”

“He wasn’t supposed to be back yet. I was going to warn you about him before then, I swear.”

“He’s crazy, you know.”

“I know,” Kyle sighed. “Things are complicated here. I didn’t want you to get caught up in everything.”

“Yet here I am.”

“Here you are,” Kyle agreed.

“So are you going to explain anything else to me?” Aleks asked, raising his voice slightly. “Like why he said I couldn’t leave.”

The blond man laughed nervously. “Sam’s full of shit. He didn’t mean it.”

“Did he not mean it when he was fucking strangling me? Because it felt like he meant it,” Aleks reached up to rub his sore throat and Kyle winced in apology.

“I’m really sorry about that. Sam’s a bit unstable.”

“A bit,” Aleks mumbled. 

“Listen. He’s leaving again tonight. You can leave tomorrow if you really want to,” Kyle said shortly. Aleks got the impression that the conversation was over. He turned away, striding towards the woods.

“I’m going to take a walk,” he said over his shoulder. 

He had so many questions, but he was annoyed and angry and even a little bit afraid. He felt like he couldn’t trust Kyle anymore and apparently Cooper hadn’t been completely honest with him either and he didn’t know what to believe. He couldn’t help but think about the fact that no matter how annoyed he and James got at each other, James had never once lied to Aleks. 

It hurt to think about so bad, but Aleks wouldn’t forget about it. He knew he had to let James go but he didn’t want to. 

Fuck, I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to forget him.

This realization swept over Aleks in a wave of sorrow and relief as he kept on walking. He didn’t know where he was going, but he didn’t care. All his emotions, repressed and not were coming to a head and it felt a bit like a crisis, but a necessary one. Slowly everything in the jumbled mess of his emotions began to straighten out and configure themselves. 

Aleks stumbled on a tree branch and almost fell. His ankle complained sharply so he sat down beneath the tree and leaned back against the trunk, looking at the sky and wondering how he hadn’t figured it out sooner. James was the catalyst. He was the key to everything Aleks had been feeling. He began to tremble with the possibilities, with the sheer adrenaline of uncovering the truth. 

He loved James. 

Shit. 

What had Aleks done?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cooper and James had gotten so turned around over the past two days that James wasn’t quite sure where they were. James was becoming more and more discouraged and nothing Cooper said could make him feel better. He was tired of wandering around in the forest; sick of agonizing over whether Aleks was ok or even alive. He just wanted Aleks back with him, by his side where he belonged. James wasn’t James without his best friend and although he would never give up as long as there was a chance that he was still breathing, he was becoming more and more sure that a world without Aleks was a world not worth living in. The thought frightened him but it was the truth. 

Ahead of him, Cooper stopped, turned around a couple times, then looked at James, defeated.

“We might be lost,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. James rolled his eyes.

“I know. We’ve been lost for at least half a day.”

“More,” Cooper sighed, looking defeated for once. “I actually have no clue in hell where we are right now.”

James rubbed his eyes wearily, dragging his hands down his face. “Cooper I just don’t know about this. Do we have any chance to find him? Did we ever have a chance?”

Cooper sighed again, not meeting James’ eyes. “Listen James. This is a fucked up situation and I’m doing my best.”

“Are you? I know there are things you aren’t telling me.”

Cooper closed his eyes, looking very tired. “It’s for your own good, I promise. There are things that you don’t need to be involved in. Right now all I want is to find Aleks and get out of this bloody forest,” he said. James looked at him, searching for a sign of dishonesty or malice until Cooper shrugged. “Just…trust me, ok.”

“Ok,” James said, defeated. He didn’t really have a choice, did he? 

Cooper was just opening his mouth to reply when he stopped, snapping his mouth shut and concentrating on something. “Did you hear that?” he asked, looking grim.

James shook his head no, but stilled when he heard a rustle. Then another. And quite suddenly a Creeper burst out of the trees beside Cooper.

Neither man had time to react. Cooper fell back, scrabbling in the leaves and dirt to get away while James stood frozen with shock.

“James!” Cooper screamed. “Do something!”

The Creeper was still moving towards him, arms outstretched and grabbing towards the flailing man. 

James shook his head, grabbing his axe and raising it, preparing for the blow, but at the last second Cooper shook his head, looking over James’ shoulder with wide eyes. 

“No, look out!”

James spun around and found himself face to face with another Creeper. This one was wearing what was left of a hideous floral shirt and was missing its left arm. James swung wildly at it, missed and barely dodged the snapping teeth. Behind him, Cooper was still shouting.

Cooper was still screaming. “The bat, James! I need the bat!”

His bat had fallen and rolled away when he had stumbled and was now lying in a pile of leaves about five feet away from James. He sidestepped the Creeper and made a rush for it. He dived, curling his fingers around the cool metal and lugging it up with him. He tossed in in Cooper’s direction just as the other man cried out.

“Argh! Shit, my foot is stuck!” he yelled, pulling on his right leg. James saw that his foot was caught beneath a root, but there was no time to help him as the second Creeper lunged for James again, growling angrily. This time his axe didn’t miss and the Creeper went down with a thud, the blade embedded in its skull. 

James turned towards Cooper, panting. The first Creeper was almost on top of him and Cooper was frozen, staring up at it in horror. There was no time to retrieve his axe so James just yelled as loud as he could, jumping up and down. “Hey! Bitch ass Creeper! Over here!”

The Creeper stopped, cocking its head at the noise. Cooper was looking at James now, shaking his head, eyes wide, but he didn’t say anything. James yelled again and the Creeper started towards him, faster than he had anticipated. Good. If he could draw it away from Cooper, he could get his foot unstuck.

So James ran, and the Creeper chased him. After about a minute, he realized that this wasn’t the best idea. This Creeper was particularly fast and James didn’t even have a weapon with him. 

Finally, James got far enough ahead that he dived into a bush, hoping that the Creeper would pass him. Peering out through the branches, he tried to control his breathing despite his aching lungs. 

The Creeper didn’t come, but James was too terrified to risk coming out of his hiding spot. Even though the bush was a fucking pricker bush, being impaled by thousands of tiny little needles sounded better than being eaten by a Creeper, so he stayed. And stayed. And stayed. 

Cooper never came. The Creeper never came. James was alone. And as he finally struggled out of the bush pulling thorns from his clothing, he realized that he was completely and totally lost.

Great. 

He stood up, stretching his sore back. James knew vaguely where he had come from so he started in that direction, figuring that Cooper was probably back there waiting for him. “Stupid fucking Creepers,” he muttered.

He trudged tiredly along for a while, trying to remember how long he had been running for. It couldn’t have been longer than half an hour. Right? Nobody’s exactly keeping track of the time when they’re running for their lives though so James had no idea. “This couldn’t get any worse,” he grumbled, kicking at a rock. 

But of course it could get worse. And of course it was just then that he heard a loud rustle of foliage and the sound of footsteps crunching through the leaves. Towards him. 

James was about to bolt when he heard a voice, a man’s voice that sounded familiar.

“Hello?”

James froze. He couldn’t run- the person already knew he was there. He had no weapons, no friends, and no plan. His only hope was that whoever this was might be a decent human being.

But why did that voice sound so familiar?

It struck him as soon as the man stepped out from the trees into sight. He looked rough and dirty, with shaggy black hair falling into his eyes, a scraggly black beard and a large hiking backpack hoisted up on his back. James had never seen him before but there was no doubt in his mind that he was one of the men that he and Cooper had been hiding from, the one that had been called ‘boss’. Alarm bells immediately went off in his head and he subconsciously took a step back, preparing to run. The man only laughed.

“Why so spooked? There’s no need. I’m harmless, I swear,” he said in a gruff voice. James just bit his lip, unsure of what to do. The man laughed again, but his eyes seemed to be boring into James, assessing something. “Shy?” he asked. “I understand. I should introduce myself.” 

The man shuffled forwards towards James and stuck out a large, dirty hand. “I’m Sam.”

James cleared his throat and reluctantly took the hand, shaking it once. “James,” he said.

“Howdy James. It’s rare that I meet people in these woods,” Sam said. “What brings you out here all alone?” His words sounded normal enough, but his tone seemed accusatory somehow. James didn’t know whether to lie or not so he settled on a half-truth.

“Looking for something,” he shrugged. Sam narrowed his eyes.

“Something or someone?” he asked darkly. 

James swallowed, sizing Sam up. He didn't like what he saw. “Someone,” he admitted after a long moment.

Sam furrowed his brow, looking thoughtful. “Well then, we seem to have the same agenda.” He thought for a moment before looking back at James, his expression pleased. “Maybe we can help each other.”

“Maybe,” James shrugged, his heart sinking. He had a very good guess who Sam was looking for.

“I’ll start,” Sam said, eyeing him intensely. “And just keep in mind that I can tell when someone is lying to me.” James nodded but he knew was screwed.

Sam began to pace back and forth, throwing hooded glances at James every few seconds or so. “I’m looking for a man who did me and my friends a whole lot of wrong.”

“So you want to find him for revenge?” 

“You could say that,” Sam muttered. “It doesn’t matter. I just want to know if you’ve seen him.”

“Depends,” James said, trying to look nonchalant. “What does he look like?”

“Blond, blue eyes, interesting kind of face, annoying. Has a weird kind of accent thing going on too.”

No doubt, that was Cooper. 

“Um, no. I can’t say that I’ve come across anyone like that. Sorry.”

Sam stopped pacing and gazed at James with narrowed eyes. “Hmm. It was unlikely, but I thought I’d check,” he tore his eyes away from James, who sighed in relief. “Now,” he began pacing again. “Who are you looking for? And why?”

James shifted from foot to foot, trying to decide if he should describe Aleks to him. The guy was obviously an asshole, but if he actually knew where Aleks might be, it would all be worth it. Finally, James spoke. “I’m looking for him because he’s my friend. We…got separated several days ago.”

“Several days you say?” he was suddenly interrupted. 

“Um, yes,” James said uncertainly. He wanted to ask why it mattered but decided against it. “Anyway he’s thin, has brown hair, kind of wavy. Umm, he…”

“Has a blue backpack?” Sam interjected.

James’ heart skipped a beat. “Yes, actually. He does. Have…have you seen him?”

Sam paused, hesitating. He looked as if he was making up his mind about something. James waited, shaking in anticipation of an answer. He knew he must look pitiful, but he didn’t care. Finally, he spoke. “Yes...yes I think I have."

A rush of excitement and relief surged through James at the words. He swallowed, trying to organize his thoughts. In the end “Where? When?” was all he could come out with. 

Sam looked down. He didn’t look excited in the least. In fact, he looked bored. “Yesterday. And it doesn’t matter where.”

“Why?” James sputtered. “I need to find him. Please!”

Sam just shook his head, not making eye contact. “It doesn’t matter. He’s dead.”

James went numb. Everything faded except for the loud thumping of his heart. No. NO. This couldn’t be happening, it had to be a bad dream, a nightmare. There’s no way that someone had just said the words ‘he’s dead’ and meant Aleks. It couldn’t end this way.  
Faintly, James could hear someone calling his name, but it wasn’t Aleks so it didn’t matter. Until a hand grabbed his shoulder and physically shook him out of his trance. 

The first thing James realized was that he was crying. The second was that Sam was staring at him as coldly as ever and that James loathed his very existence. The third was the realization that perhaps Sam had done something to Aleks. The thought alone painted James’ vision an angry red and he lunged at the bigger man.  
Sam just caught him by the forearms and held him away from him, letting James fight blindly. 

“Hey I didn’t do it. I just found him after the zombies had first.”

James stopped struggling, but his anger still burned red hot. “How do I know you’re even telling the truth about him being dead?” he spat. 

Cautiously, Sam let James’ arms go and slung the backpack off of his shoulders. He rummaged through it, eyeing James the whole time until he pulled something out. When James saw it, his heart fell and shattered on impact. All hope that this person might have lying, that Aleks might still be alive trickled away, leaving him empty. 

Sam was clutching Aleks’ pistol. The very one he had lugged around this whole time and that James had once risked his life to retrieve. There was no way Aleks would give that up unless he was dead. 

Sam must have seen the color drain from James’ face and the fight leave him because he gave him a look that bordered on sympathy and he tossed him the gun. It landed on the ground beside James’ feet. “Here, take this. I don’t need it. It was all your friend had on him that was worth taking.”

James fell to his knees, staring blindly ahead. “Aleks,” he breathed. “No.”

Vaguely, he heard Sam leaving, rustling his way through the leaves until there was silence once more. Somehow in his blinding grief James’ fingers found the pistol and he clutched in his shaking hands. “No, no, no,” was all that he could utter, until, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And then the worst part of the situation, words that caused him to break down sobbing after he whispered them into the wind, “I love you.”

…………………………………………………………………….

Aleks swept into his tent angrily. It had been a day since Sam had gone hunting again, but he had left a bitter taste on Aleks’ tongue. He had to get out of here and he was planning on leaving today.

He pulled his old blue backpack out from under his bed where he had stashed it a few days ago. He hadn’t gotten it out again since then so he frowned when he noticed that the largest pocket was halfway unzipped. Aleks was sure that he hadn’t left it like that. A deep, sickening suspicion began to creep into his mind as he slowly unzipped it the rest of the way and looked inside. His water was there. His food, paper, and pens too. But when Aleks realized what was missing, he froze.

His pistol was gone. That bastard had taken it.

Aleks swore out loud, “Fucking shit!” He was so angry he could hardly think. He felt violated, manipulated and lied to. There was absolutely no reason for Sam to take his gun except that he could. And now Aleks couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t without his pistol. 

After a few minutes, Aleks calmed down. He hadn’t spoken to Cooper since Sam had left and he hadn’t seen Charlotte either, but he needed someone to talk to. Everyone else in the camp was remaining strangely distant besides Kate who still looked at Aleks furiously. The woman scared him almost as much Sam did so he kept his distance. 

Aleks exited the tent, peering around for Kate. Thankfully she was nowhere in sight and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was looking around for Kyle when he heard a small voice.

“Aleks?”

It was Charlotte. She was standing a little to Aleks’ left, looking at him with big eyes. “Are you angry with me?” she asked tentatively. 

Aleks shook his head. “No Charlotte, I’m not mad at you at all.”

“Are you mad at Kyle?” she asked next. 

Aleks sighed heavily. “No, not really. He just didn’t tell me some things that were important.”

Charlotte nodded. “Like about Sam?”

“Yes, like about Sam.”

“He scares me,” she admitted. “But Kyle says he’s in charge.”

Aleks realized then that maybe she could give him answers that Kyle wouldn’t.

“Hey Charlotte, would you mind telling me more about your brother?” he asked. 

Charlotte nodded. “Ok. Like what?”

“How do you know he died?”

She averted her eyes, looking sad. “Sam told me,” she whispered. “They were out hunting and a zombie got him.”

“I’m sorry,” Aleks said, but his mind was whirring.

Apparently Sam had lied about Cooper’s death to Charlotte. Kyle must have too which didn’t make any sense considering that he had supposedly been Cooper’s best friend.

Was anyone telling the truth? There was no way for Aleks to know. Nothing was making sense anymore.


	12. Lost and Found

James had felt pain before, but nothing like this. Nothing like the agony that coursed through his body, starting at his heart. Aleks was dead and he was never coming back. He was gone. All James had ever wanted was for Aleks to be safe, to be happy and he had failed him. James’ best friend, James’ love had been driven away by him and nothing could ever ease the pain. Everything that was, that could have been was broken, crumbling on the ground and it was more than he could bear.

Right now, he was curled in a ball on the forest floor, clutching Aleks’ most prized possession to his chest. It was all he had left. That and a few coarse words of a stranger ringing in his mind: it doesn’t matter because he’s dead. He had been right, of course. Nothing mattered now. 

Until the name ‘Cooper’ came suddenly to mind along with the image of him struggling, his foot trapped beneath a root. James couldn’t just leave him back there alone. Aleks would never forgive him if he did. So he got to his feet shakily, angrily swiping tears from his cheeks. He slipped the pistol into his pocket numbly and tried to get his bearings. The effort was half hearted, but he finally determined which direction he had come from and slowly, he began to walk that way. Each footstep hurt, but James would do it. For Aleks. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aleks lay on the cot, staring up at the canvas ceiling and wishing he were anywhere but here. But if he were to leave, where would he go? A small voice in the back of his mind kept saying James’ name, but he was ignoring it. As if James would take him back. It would be so pathetic, Aleks could hardly think about it. No, he wouldn’t go running back, even after discovering his feelings. He had fucked up everything, especially that.

He was torn from his disparaging thoughts by someone opening up the tent flap and coming inside. He refused to look over. “Ever heard of knocking?” he asked.

“Have you ever tried knocking on a tent?” Kyle said. “It doesn’t work out too well.”

Aleks responded with cold silence. After a minute, he heard Kyle sigh.

“Look, Aleks. I know you’re upset about Sam and I’m sorry about that, but I have a feeling something else is bothering you, and if you want to talk about it, well, I’m all ears.”

Aleks finally looked at him, meeting his concerned and slightly sheepish gaze. “You wouldn’t understand,” he muttered, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

“Try me.”

Aleks wondered what he should tell him, if anything. He desperately wanted to ask about Cooper, but didn’t know if he should risk it. Finally, he decided. “It’s about my friend,” he said slowly. “The one I told you about.”

“The one you left?” Kyle asked. 

Aleks nodded. “His name is James. And I…I miss him. A lot.”

“Are you regretting your decision?”

“God, I don’t know,” Aleks moaned, putting his head in his hands. “Maybe? I’m not going back though.”

“Why not?” Kyle asked, sounding confused. “If you regret it, why shouldn’t you?”

“Because he probably wouldn’t want me back. Why should he?”

Kyle laughed suddenly, startling Aleks. “Sorry,” he said, composing himself. “It just sounds like you guys broke up or something. Were you together?”

What. 

“Oh, no, no,” Aleks said, a little weakly. “Just friends.”

Kyle didn’t look convinced, but didn’t bring it up again. “You guys were best friends, right?”

Aleks nodded, still slightly in shock. 

“Then of course he’s going to want you back. Unless he’s a terrible person which he doesn’t sound like.”

Aleks just stared at his hands until Kyle sighed, crouching down in front of him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Ok, this is what we’re going to do. Tomorrow, we’re leaving here bright and early.” 

Aleks opened his mouth to object but was silenced with a look. 

“No, no, this isn’t an option,” Kyle said sternly. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning and I’m personally taking you back to James, even if I have to drag you there the whole way. I would prefer not to, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“It kind of sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me,” Aleks said, giving him a half smile. Kyle returned it with a grin.

“I am. I’m tired of seeing your mopey ass around here. It lowers morale,” he joked. Then he turned serious again. “I’ll miss you, Aleks. It’s rare that I meet anyone half as decent as you these days, but this is for your own good.” The blond man stood up, crossing his arms and regarding Aleks for a moment. “You going to argue?”

He was rewarded with a head shake and he smiled and offered Aleks a hand to get up. Then Aleks remembered.

“My gun!”

“What?” Kyle asked, confused. “What gun?”

“The one that Sam stole,” Aleks said blankly. “He stole my pistol and I’m not leaving without it.”

Kyle frowned, obviously troubled. After a moment, he looked at Aleks, eyebrows pushed together. “Is a pistol really worth your happiness?” he asked. “Does your friend or your gun make you happier?”

Aleks didn’t even have to answer. 

Kyle nodded. “I’m sorry about your gun. Sam is a bigger asshole every day, but we can’t wait. He won’t let you leave if he finds out. I’m going to have to tell him you ran off.”

“Will he be mad?” Aleks asked. 

Kyle shrugged.“Yeah probably. But he won’t do much to me. I’m his brother after all.”

Aleks’ mouth opened in shock. “Really? You guys…”

“Look and act nothing alike, I know. Sometimes I wonder if he was adopted.”

Aleks just stared, processing this information. He supposed it made sense. But how could two people who had grown up in the same family have turned out so differently? That’s what boggled his mind.

“Don’t think too hard now,” Kyle laughed. “You’ll pull something.”

Ruefully, Aleks snapped his mouth. “Sorry. I have a question about tomorrow though.”

“Mhm?”

“How do we know where to go? I have no idea where our place is compared to here.”

“Explain it to me,” Kyle said. “And I’ll help you figure out where it is. I won’t be able to take you all the way, Kate can’t figure out what’s going on, but I’ll take you most of the way through the forest and give you directions after.”

“Thank you, Kyle,” Aleks burst out suddenly. “Just…thank you.”

Kyle just grinned again and pulled Aleks up from the cot. Aleks had to smile back, a real smile this time. 

He was going home.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James’ voice was hoarse from calling Cooper’s name. He was back in the place where he had left him. He could even see the root where he had been trapped, but the man was nowhere in sight and James was afraid to cry out anymore in case Creepers were nearby. Defeated, he slumped against a tree, feeling numb and empty. Cooper was maybe dead, probably lost. Aleks was…gone. He was tempted to stay here until a Creeper did come, but Aleks would yell at him if he did. James could just imagine what he would say. Get up you lazy fuck. What are you lying around for? Do something. So James straightened his aching back, tried his best to numb his aching heart, and chose a direction to go in. At this point any direction was fine. 

It didn’t really matter anyway. Aleks was gone.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aleks lay on his back on top of the blanket, one arm thrown out, the other behind his head, staring at the top of the tent but not really seeing anything.  
Sleep wouldn’t come no matter how hard he tried to relax. Too many doubts were swirling around in his tired mind to allow him to rest easy, and they were all about James. 

Hw tried to imagine what it would be like to see his best friend again. He closed his eyes, seeing James hovering behind his eyelids. His expression kept wavering between annoyed and angry, both of which Aleks was very used to seeing on his friend’s face. Aleks could handle annoyed, he could even handle angry, but suddenly the look on imaginary James’ face changed to something else entirely: complete and utter disgusted loathing. Aleks’ eyes flew open, his heart pounding in his chest. Of course. How could he have forgotten?

“Fuck,” he hissed, throwing his arm over his eyes at the realization.  
It would never be the same between him and James, all because of some stupid feelings that Aleks had picked up somewhere in between fighting for their lives, walking hundreds of miles, joking and squabbling together. The two of them had done everything together for so long and Aleks had single handedly fucked it up.  
“I can’t go now,” he breathed in despair. “I can’t.”

There was no way James felt the same way and Aleks tried to imagine what it would be like to have to pretend that he wanted their friendship to stay the same. He would have to pretend like every touch didn’t affect him, like the sight of his friend didn’t stir something up in him. Even the thought of James’ warm, tanned skin coming into contact with his own stirred up a twinge of guilty arousal which he squashed immediately. Aleks groaned, shaking his head. He would never be able to keep up the act. It would break him before long. There was no use in being back with James but broken and ashamed, always scared that his secret would be found out and he’d see that terrible expression on his friend’s face.

Aleks figured he’d have to tell Kyle that he wasn’t going after all. Swallowing the tears that threatened to spill, he turned over on his side to await dawn. 

…………………………………………………………………………….

Aleks rubbed his hands together, shivering in the early morning chill. He and Kyle were standing just outside of his tent. Kyle was shivering too, but he was also scowling deeply. “Bullshit!” he hissed. 

Aleks sighed. He had had a feeling that this was how it would go down. “It’s complicated,” he mumbled, wringing his hands. “It’s better that I stay away.”

Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. “Aleks, I swear to god,” he groaned. “You better give me a good reason, and it has to be a really good reason, why you’ve changed your goddamn mind.”

Aleks slumped in defeat, his barriers cracking under weariness and emotion. He looked straight into Kyle’s eyes which were tinged with sleep deprivation and annoyance. He squared his shoulders, bracing himself, letting the words escape before he could stop himself. “Because I’m in love with him.”

There was a silence as Kyle stared at him, mouth slightly open, registering the words. All traces of annoyance were gone, replaced by quiet shock. Finally he said a simple, quiet, “Oh”. 

Aleks dropped his eyes, face growing warm, and pressure building in his chest.“Yeah,” muttered, shrugging his shoulders. But Kyle cleared his throat, bringing Aleks’ eyes back up to his own.

“I’m sorry,” he said kindly, quietly. “I’m just…surprised. Obviously.”

“Join the club,” Aleks said wearily. “I only found out a few days ago.”

Kyle’s gaze was sympathetic, with something like wistfulness flaring up in it briefly, but fleeing in a split second. He stepped forward, placing a hand on Aleks’ shoulder. It felt familiar, resting there and Aleks was suddenly very grateful he’d found a friend like Kyle out here in these woods. “I still don’t understand. So you’re in love with James. Why can’t you go back?” he asked earnestly, obviously confused.

“I can’t go back and be around him all the time, feeling the way I do when he…when he doesn’t for me,” Aleks explained disjointedly. Kyle nodded again, seemingly lost in thought. This close, the dark circles under his eyes were apparent, but so were the many laugh lines that creased his face. Aleks felt a pang of guilt that he had previously been so annoyed with him when he was just trying to do his best. 

Kyle looked back at him, the grip on his shoulder tightening. “I think I understand,” he admitted. “But I’m not going to let you miss this chance. For all we know it’s your last one and you’re obviously not happy here.”

“What chance?” Aleks muttered, trying not to sound bitter. “The chance that he might feel something more towards me than friendship? There’s none.”

“Really?” Kyle’s eyebrows flew up. “Are you sure?”

Aleks paused. He had been sure, but Kyle’s incredulousness sowed a tiny seed of doubt. 

“If you two are as good of friends as you’ve said,” he went on. “And have shared so many experiences together, than there’s more than no chance. And if you don’t go back, you’ll never know. Do you really want to live with that? I wouldn’t.”

At these words, Aleks stared. They made sense to him. He could feel his resolve slipping. “I guess,” he muttered. “No, I wouldn’t either.” Then with a sigh, “I’ll go.”

“Good,” Kyle smiled, his laugh lines crinkling. “I was getting ready to knock you out and drag you. Go get your stuff and meet me out here. Hurry.”

Aleks turned, but Kyle’s voice brought him back.

“Oh, and Aleks?”

“Yeah?”

“If you’re worried about not being attractive enough, you really don’t have to. As long as this James guy has working eyes, I think you’re fine,” he said with a wink.  
Aleks blushed, his face growing warm despite the cold. He mumbled a thanks before ducking into his tent and grabbing his backpack. He paused when it felt lighter in his hands than usual. There might not be time now to get his gun back, but he swore some way or another he would, and preferably make Sam pay for treating him and probably everyone else in the camp like crap. 

Checking to make sure he had everything, Aleks hurried out, almost bumping into Kyle who was looking impatient. He had a shotgun strapped to his back now and a bag slung over his shoulder. 

“The sun’s rising,” he whispered. “We have to go.”

Suddenly, Aleks remembered Charlotte. “Wait, I never got to say goodbye…”

“No time,” Kyle said, shaking his head and pulling Aleks along. “Our little talk was good, but it made us late.”

Quietly, the two men skirted the edge of the camp, striking out into the trees towards the north. 

“Won’t people notice if we’re gone?” Aleks asked after they had gotten a good distance away.

“I told Kate we were going hunting,” Kyle said, gripping his shotgun. “She’ll get suspicious, no doubt, but by then it’ll be too late. I’ll come back, say you ran, and that’ll be that.”

“I still don’t understand why we have to sneak out like this in the first place,” Aleks said. “Why did Sam say I couldn’t leave?”

Kyle sighed, obviously reluctant to talk about his brother. “He has a bit of a complex. He thinks he owns these woods now and he considers people like you trespassers. He thinks they should be punished, in one way or another.”

Aleks shivered. “That’s kind of fucked up.”

“Believe me, I know,” Kyle shrugged, holding a branch back so it didn’t hit Aleks in the face. “But I’m just his little brother. What can I do? Even Kate has more influence than I do.”

“What’s Kate to him?” Aleks asked.

“His wife,” Kyle said, distaste in his voice. Aleks wasn’t surprised that Kate and Sam were married. 

“Birds of a feather…” he muttered. 

They went on in relative silence for a few more minutes. The birds were awake and were making sure everyone knew. Especially the ones off to Aleks’ right which were making a ruckus. Even Kyle stopped and frowned. 

“Hey, Aleks? See anything over there?” he asked, straining his neck to peer into the trees. Aleks looked but couldn’t see anything but leaves and branches.

“Nope,” he replied. But just a split second later, Kyle’s eyes opened wide and Aleks felt something grab his sleeve in a death grip. Slowly, he looked down at the withered hand folded in the fabric of his hoodie and his heart sank. Zombies always traveled in packs and apparently Kyle knew this. He had his gun trained at the frail zombie that gripped Aleks, but he was still looking around cautiously. If he shot, all the zombies in these woods might come running. Aleks looked down again. The one that held him was missing a leg and barely had the other. Right now it’s snapping teeth could be easily warded off, but if more came, things would get ugly. Sure enough, two more came stumbling through the trees, moaning. Kyle met Aleks' eyes. He motioned to the two heading towards them, making a running motion with his hand, then gestured to the dagger hanging at Aleks' hip. Aleks nodded and Kyle nodded back. Then he took off in the opposite direction, being sure to make noise. Aleks watched the zombies lock on, pursuing him until they were out of sight.

The zombie still had its claws hooked in his sleeve, but it was struggling to bite him now, obviously excited from the noise. Aleks kicked at its head as it was practically hanging from his arm. He tried to disentangle its long nails from himself but barely avoided the snapping teeth. He gave up quickly and turned his attention to his dagger. He fumbled for it awkwardly, but managed to unhook it from his belt without dropping it. Fending off the relentless creature, he took the knife to its hand. He would much rather have finished it off with a quick stab to the brain, but he didn't want to risk bending over and giving the zombie an opening to chomp on him. Aleks didn't enjoy hacking at the gnarled, dusty hand in the least bit, and it was surprisingly hard, especially with the zombie twisting every which way, snapping at his thighs and shins. That's probably why he didn't notice when another zombie leapt out of the trees, knocking him off balance and bringing all three of them crashing to the ground.  
.......................................................................................................  
James could hear the sounds of a struggle. Someone was gasping and he could make out the growls of at least two zombies. He quickened his pace, clutching his axe, heading towards the noises. He hoped it wouldn't be too late.

When he saw them, he actually began to run. Someone was pinned under two zombies and they were valiantly trying to fight them off, but James could see it was a losing battle. The person must have heard his footsteps however because they began to yell, "Help! Help me!"

James froze. That was Aleks' voice, but how could that be? He was dead.

"Help!" Aleks screamed again, and James snapped out of it, sprinting the last couple feet. He kicked one of the zombies aside ruthlessly. It was missing most of its legs, so it lay struggling in the dirt until James stilled it with a swing of his axe. He looked over, his heart skipping a beat as he took in Aleks' face, as it certainly was Aleks. He had stabbed the last zombie with a dagger and was sitting up, panting. It didn't seem like he had registered who had just come to his rescue until he looked over and their eyes met.

As James looked into those beautiful eyes that he had been sure he would never see again, everything stilled. The wild beating of his heart, the sound of the wind in the trees, even his own roiling confusion. It all came to a perfect stand-still and James didn't know whether he wanted to cry or laugh or yell. Probably all three.

Aleks," he choked out, his voice splintering. He took in his friend standing up shakily, his face pale and his dark eyes not making contact with James' own. He's ok, he's ok. And something snapped. James flung himself forward, pressing the shaking man close to his own body. He buried his face in Aleks' hair, bunching his shirt's fabric in his fists in an effort to never let him go again. The surprised man went rigid, muscles tightening, but James wouldn't relent, so he gave in; James felt him relax a little and he squeezed back.

"James," he said simply, although the unspoken question was apparent. James sighed. What could he say? After a few seconds of emotional turmoil, he settled on the simplest truth. 

"Aleksandr, I missed you," he mumbled into his hoodie. It was a new one, a deep maroon. It smelled better than his old clothes. It smelled like smoke, and forest, and Aleks. 

Aleks was silent for a moment then, "I missed you too, shithead."

James could only smile, squeezing him tighter, selfishly desperate for more of that solid warmth in his arms.

"James, James," Aleks began to push him away. "We can't stay here forever."

James wanted to if it meant Aleks could be safe in his arms. He didn't say this though. Instead, he simply nodded and released his grasp. Aleks slipped out, finally making eye contact. He studied James' face in the dying light. He held his breath as Aleks stepped forward, his hand hovering over his cheek, but not quite touching.

"Hey, are you..." he trailed off, looking up at James wonderingly. 

James brought his own hand up to his cheek and was startled to find it damp. He never cried around Aleks. That must be why he was looking at him like that. A sudden flare of embarrasment rushed through him and he could feel his face heating up, turning red.  
James opened his mouth to say something. He didn't even know what he was going to say but it didn't matter because just then a man burst through the trees, panting.He was a tall blonde man carrying a rifle who visibly relaxed when he laid eyes on Aleks.

"Aleks!" he cried, looking relieved. "Thank god you're ok." He strode over, gripping Aleks' shoulder familiarly and giving him a quick hug. Aleks didn't move, but smiled back at him tightly.

James frowned. Whoever this was, he acted as if he and Aleks were best friends or something.

"Kyle," he heard Aleks saying in a low voice. "This is James. My friend."

Kyle looked astonished. "Wait, this is James?" he gaped. "Well then. What do you know about that?" The blond man stepped forward and offered James his hand. "Good to meet you, James. Aleks has told me about you."

"Has he?" James asked shortly, ignoring the hand which Kyle dropped awkwardly. Good. He was way too nice and James really didn't like him.

Aleks looked pointedly at Kyle before looking back at James and spreading his hands pleadingly as if begging him to try to get along. "I've been staying with Kyle's group. They've got a camp."

"Come back with us, at least for the night," Kyle said, placing his hand on Aleks' shoulder again. James glared at it. "Aleks' stuff is there and it's getting dark. You two can leave in the morning if you want."

"We do.." James started, but Aleks cut him off.

"Thanks, Kyle. We'll talk and decide later," he grabbed James' arm. "Come on, James."

James let Aleks tug him along as he followed Kyle. Vaguely he wondered where in the hell Cooper was, but Aleks' warm hand was closed around his arm comfortingly and right then that was all he cared about.


	13. Revelation

Cooper watched the three men disappear through the trees, finally allowing himself to breath. He had almost hoped that he wasn’t right about Aleks being with Kyle and the others, even if he was glad that James and him had been reunited. Maybe they could finally figure their shit out. Cooper had enough of his own to worry about.

It had been hard to see Kyle again after not seeing him for so long. He looked the same, if more tired and stressed. Cooper would never be able to understand why he hadn’t left with him. He suspected it had something to do with Sam being his brother, but there wasn’t much love between them, so it probably had more to do with fear. Cooper couldn’t understand that either. He sat back into the brush, trying to decide what to do. He could leave like he had meant to do in the first place. Go far away and be gone for good this time. That was the most logical choice, Sam didn’t seem to be giving up looking for him and if he stuck around, it was only a matter of time before he found him. But something was still holding Cooper back. It was the thought of his little sister and best friend still under the influence of a man like Sam. He knew now that he had to do something, but he couldn’t do it alone. 

Cooper frowned, shifting his leg to keep it from falling asleep. He should have warned James about Sam, but it was too late. Or was it? He could slip over to the camp and try to get his attention, warn him, maybe talk to Kyle or Charlotte…Cooper shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. He didn’t know if Sam was at the camp right now or if he was on one of his frequent prowls through the woods. If he knew about Aleks he wouldn’t be happy about it and he wouldn’t let him leave if he could help it. That was how Sam was. Crazy and possessive. 

Cooper had known for a while that the only real way to subdue Sam and break the hold he had on everyone was to kill him. But as the thought came to him even now, he shuddered, feeling cold. Could he really do that if it came down to it? He had killed so many zombies, but they were already dead. It would be so different to see the light go out of someone’s eyes, see them collapse limp on the ground, and know that it was you who caused that. Cooper didn’t know if he could do it, but he supposed he would have to.

Gritting his teeth, he stood up. He stepped gingerly, holding back a wince at his sore foot. He had been lucky that it was bruised and not sprained or broken. He seemed to get lucky a lot, but sometimes Cooper wondered how long until his luck ran out.

…………………………………………………………..

James kept stealing glances at Aleks all through breakfast: he couldn’t help it. He drank in the man’s appearance as if he was dying of thirst.  
Aleks looked tired. The bags under his eyes were darker, his hair was rattier and he looked even more pale than usual. He was beautiful and James couldn’t keep his eyes away.

To his chagrin, the other people around the campfire kept staring at the two of them as well. There was only a few and most of them seemed normal enough but there was one woman who James had made eye contact with once and if looks could kill, he’d be dead. She didn’t seem too fond of Kyle either.  
James knew he was being stupid, but Kyle was really rubbing him the wrong way. He caught James staring at Aleks once and gave him a look that he couldn’t interpret. James didn’t give a damn what Kyle thought, but the man made him uneasy, just liked this whole place.

Every now and then, Aleks’ eyes would dart over to James, but they never stayed there very long. He mostly kept them on the ground or on Kyle or up at the brightening sky. James itched to get Aleks alone so they could talk. There were so many things he longed to tell him, but at the same time he was terrified. Right now their friendship felt tentative and he didn’t want to risk losing it completely.  
But as he felt Aleks’ warmth beside him and took in his milky skin and familiar tattoos, James could feel his heart swelling. Aleks was real and he was alive, and James had never felt so relieved in his life. 

He put down his plate, feeling full for the first time in a while. Aleks was still eating, slowly picking at his food while Kyle and the few other people around the fire were engaged in conversation. Finally feeling out of the spotlight, James nudged Aleks with his shoulder, causing him to look over and meet his eyes at last. Such a myriad of emotions were swirling in those dark eyes that James had to collect himself before speaking.

“How long have you been here?” he asked quietly. Aleks’ eyes darted away again and he shrugged.

“The whole time I’ve been gone,” he said. “I’m not exactly sure.”

James wasn’t sure either. All the days had blurred together, meaningless until now. “How did you find this place?”

“I didn’t exactly find it. More like Kyle found me,” Aleks explained, looking more and more uncomfortable. Suddenly suspicious, James decided to push him further.

“What do you mean?” he asked. “What do you mean ‘he found you’?  
Aleks glanced up at Kyle who was still talking with someone, then back at James. “Exactly what it sounds like. I was a dumbass and got myself hurt. I passed out and he found me and brought me here.”

“You got hurt?” James asked loudly, making Aleks flinch and the people across from them look over. 

“I’m fine now,” Aleks hissed, crossing his arms around him. “I just hit my head again and twisted my ankle a little.”

Without thinking James gripped Aleks’ shoulder and turned him to face him. Taking his head in his hands gently and inspecting for injury, he brushed his thumb over a lump on Aleks’ left temple and the smaller man shuddered and pulled away. “Sorry!” James exclaimed, blushing as he realized what he’d been doing.

Aleks just shook his head, huddled in on himself again.“Like I told you, I’m fine.” 

James sighed, trying not to feel rejected. He did feel eyes burning into the back of his head though and when he looked over, he saw that it was Kyle who was staring. Annoyed, James shook his head at him and stood up, brushing dirt off of his jeans. “Is there a place I can clean up?” he asked, ignoring people’s curious looks. “I’m pretty damn filthy.”

“Yeah,” Aleks said quickly, standing up as well. “I’ll show you. Is that ok, Kyle?”

Kyle just nodded, sending James one last obscure look before turning back to the guy he was talking with.

“What’s his deal?” James asked, once they were a reasonable distance away.

“What do you mean?” Aleks asked sharply, stopping and looking up at James. “Kyle?”

“Yeah,” James said, hoping he wasn’t being annoying.

“I don’t know. He’s really helped me out, James. Do you realize I’d probably be dead if he hadn’t found me and helped me?”

James felt a lump harden in his throat and he swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Sure, Aleks. Yeah of course I do.”

“Hey, you ok?” Aleks asked, softer this time.

“I am now,” James said, refusing to add context. He wasn’t ready to tell Aleks how he’d thought he’d been dead. And suddenly the circumstances under which he’d thought that came rushing back to him and all he saw was red. That fucking bastard had outright lied to him! James clenched his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms. That fucker Sam would pay for the pain he put him through.

“James?” Aleks was asking, sounding downright worried now. “James what’s wrong?”

James sucked a deep breath in and blew it out, loosening his clenched hands. 

“I’ll tell you later,” he muttered. “I promise.”

“Ok,” Aleks nodded, a little weakly. “We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”

“We sure do,” James sighed, feeling drained all of a sudden. “We sure do.”

…………………………………………………………………………..  
Aleks glanced over at his friend nervously. His profile was shadowed, and his expression serious. He had been extraordinarily quiet since he had frozen up with that shockingly angry look on his face. The hug and the tears had startled Aleks when James had found him, along with whatever that had been back at the campfire. James had never been so emotional or tactile with Aleks before but he was worried that his anger was directed at him. He was terrified that their friendship might have been ruined, or at least permanently damaged.

The need to apologize, beg James to keep being friends with him suddenly overwhelmed him. Aleks opened his mouth, ready to grovel, but James' own voice stopped him.

"Aleks, I know what you're going to say," he muttered, looking down at his hands. Aleks swallowed, shifting around on the fallen tree trunk they were sitting on.

"Oh? Do you?"

"You're going to say you're sorry. But save it, please."

Aleks' heart fell into his stomach. He was right: it was all over. 

But James wasn't done yet. "It's me who should be apologizing," he said as he looked up, meeting Aleks' gaze. The look in those deep brown eyes was so intense, so full of something that it took his breath away. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you were always messing up, that you didn't matter. I'm so sorry for making you think that somehow I wanted you gone, that I would be happier, because that is such complete and utter bullshit."

Aleks swallowed. He didn't know what to say. James' gaze was making him nervous, but at the same time he never wanted to look away. "James..." he managed. "I...I don't..."

"It's ok," the taller man said softly. "Just please, say you'll forgive me."

He looked as if he actually believed he wouldn't. Then Aleks understood. He almost burst out laughing at the realization. James thought the same thing he had, that he wouldn't want to be friends anymore. Honestly, we're such idiots.

"I forgive you," Aleks said, the words tasting foreign on his tongue. "Of course I do."

James nodded, breaking eye contact. There was a silence as he stared down at his hands clasped in his lap. "I thought you were dead, you know," he muttered, the words so quiet they almost floated away without being heard. "I was sure of it."

"I'm sorry," Aleks said, unable to stop himself. "For making you worry."

James nodded again. Then shook his head.

"It was terrible. It was worse than terrible, thinking that. It was like there was no point to anything anymore."

Aleks' heart was beating hard, pounding in his ears. He was so very nervous, but he didn't know why. Gingerly, he scooted over the rough bark closer to James until their thighs were touching and he leaned against the larger man, shuddering as a chill passed through him suddenly. Immediately, James put an arm around him, drawing him closer. Aleks almost cried at his touch, how warm and safe it felt. 

"I'm here," he said huskily. "I'm alive."

"Yes you are," James sighed, putting his other arm around him now, pulling him into his chest. "And you're going to stay that way."

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Aleks looked up and found the large, brown eyes already trained on him.

"So we're still friends, right?" he asked. James laughed, but it sounded wrong somehow. Almost sad.

"Of course, dumbass."

“Ok,” Aleks said, confused now. What did James have to be sad about? “But what’s wrong?”

“Wrong?” James asked, pulling away slightly. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“James,” Aleks squirmed out of his grasp until he was facing his friend’s perplexed gaze directly. “I know you, ok? I know when you’re lying to me.”

James looked down, scrubbing a hand through his curls like he did when he was nervous. Aleks’ heart sank. His best friend really was hiding something from him. Something important by the looks of it. Aleks suddenly felt very tired and very sad. “I’m sorry James,” he muttered, moving to get up. “But I can’t…”

He was cut off by strong arms pulling him down, but mostly by the warm lips that were covering his own. Aleks gasped, eyes open wide with shock. James' eyes were tightly closed and he clutched at the smaller man as if he might disappear, lips moving fervently over Aleks’ still ones. It was too much and his brain could hardly comprehend it. 

James Wilson was kissing him.

Oh god.

And just like that, sparks exploded all around Aleks and he responded, kissing back as if his life depended on it. James relaxed, sagging into him and tangling his fingers in his hair, tugging softly making Aleks sigh against his lips. He felt James grin in response and he held Aleks closer if that was even possible. They kissed like dying men who didn’t have anything to lose but each other. 

Eventually needing oxygen, Aleks bit James’ lip lightly and pulled away. The kiss was broken and both men stared as they breathed raggedly, out of breath. 

"I don’t know why I did that," James gasped, his eyes wide and starry, searching Aleks’ face for a hint of rejection that wasn’t there. "But I couldn't explain with words."

Aleks shook his head, circling his arms around the larger man's neck. "Took you long enough," he murmured, kissing him again just to make sure he got the message.

"I know, I'm sorry," James said fervently when they broke away, tangled up together on the forest floor.

"How about no more sorrys," Aleks whispered, laying his head against the warm, strong chest. "You have nothing to apologize for."

James sighed, wrapping his arms even closer around him. Aleks closed his eyes and smiled when he felt lips brush the top of his head, warm breath ghosting through his hair. A couple months ago he never would have imagined that this would feel so perfect and so right. Absentmindedly, he noted that they’d been gone from camp a long time.

"It's getting later," he said, his words muffled by James. 

"Who cares," James said huskily, his words ruffling Aleks’ hair.

"Kyle will," Aleks replied, but he was feeling sleepier and sleepier.

"Screw Kyle," came the unsurprising answer. Aleks just hummed, burrowing deeper into the embrace. 

Finally, he murmured, still not opening his eyes. “But it’s cold.”

"I'll keep you warm," James said softly. That was good enough for Aleks. He relaxed, letting himself slip away into the best sleep he'd had since the world ended.  
Kyle found them hours later, curled together against a tree. He just smiled and shook his head. From the first time he had seen James look at Aleks he had known that it would be inevitable.

James woke up groggily, not sure where he was at first. Then he felt the warm body in his arms and heard the breathy snores, and the memories of the first kiss and the ones after that soaked into him, leaving him feeling giddily fuzzy. “Aleks,” he whispered, his breath ruffling the smaller man’s already messy brown hair. “Aleks, you awake?”

He responded by shifting his weight back so he was closer against James’ chest and puffing out a breath of annoyance.

“Sorry,” James murmured as his heart swelled. He moved his left hand so it was over Aleks’ chest and he could feel the steady beat there. He could hardly believe that this was actually happening. Aleks safe, alive in his arms. The feeling of Aleks’ body slotted perfectly with his own, melded together like it was always meant to be this way. The taste of his lips still lingering, making James long for more. It all took his breath away and gave him a reason to keep breathing at the same time.

After a few moments, James moved his numb arm out from under Aleks, eliciting a groan of protest. Humming apologetically, he gently turned Aleks so they were facing each other, their breaths mingling. The sleepy man’s eyes were open and they stared at James with so much trust it hurt. 

“Hey,” he whispered, tangling a hand in the soft hair. Aleks blinked at him, but finally broke into a grin.

“Hey,” he murmured back, the corners of his eyes crinkling like they did when he was genuinely happy. “How’re you doing?”

James answered by closing the space between them and catching Aleks’ lips again. He sighed, gripping the back of James’ hoodie and knocking their foreheads together in the process. 

They kissed for a long time, slow and gentle, and happy. It wasn’t until they heard footsteps that Aleks broke away, sitting up suddenly. James sat up slower, groggy and sated, just as Kyle came into view. When he saw them, he blushed, looking up. 

“Hey guys. Hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

He had, but Aleks waved him away and James noticed he was also blushing. “You’re fine,” Aleks said quickly. “Did you come to look for us?”

“Not really. I saw you sleeping earlier and decided to leave you guys be. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been eaten by zombies yet,” he said, still looking uncomfortable.

“Not yet,” James said, standing up. He offered Aleks a hand, which he took, and pulled him up as well. 

“As long as you come back now?” Kyle asked, looking at Aleks intently. “Kate’s getting suspicious.”

“Who’s Kate?” James asked, looking between the two of them as they communicated with their eyes. He felt a tiny flame of jealousy flare up and he quickly tried to stamp it out.

Finally Aleks spoke, looking stressed. “A woman back at camp. It’s complicated, James.”

“What’s complicated?” he asked, furrowing his brow. Now he was really lost.

“Our whole situation is complicated,” Kyle replied. “We’ll explain on they way back.”

“It all has to do with Sam,” Aleks said as they began to walk. James widened his eyes, his blood running cold at the name.

“Who?” he bit out. “His name is Sam?”

“Uh, yeah,” Aleks said slowly, looking at James nervously. “You ok there?”

“No,” James growled. “No I’m not. I met him while I was searching for you, Aleks.”

Kyle groaned. “Great then. What did he do?”

“He told me that Aleks was fucking dead, that’s what he did,” James spat. “He’s a piece of shit and if this is his camp we’re leaving today. Right now.”

There was a horrified silence as both men stared at him as he stood there, breathing hard, face red with anger. It was Aleks who spoke first.

“Oh, James…I…fuck that’s terrible.” His voice was quavered as he reached out, reluctant to touch him for some reason. James took his outstretched hand, clasping it in both of his and looked at him, fighting the stupid lump in his throat.

“Yeah, and if I see him, I’m gonna kill him for it.”

Aleks looked down, swallowing. “James, Sam is Kyle’s brother. He’s the leader of the camp,” he muttered, words barely audible. “He won’t just let us leave, that’s the problem.”

“It won’t be a problem if he’s dead,” James said vehemently. Then Aleks’ first words sunk in and he stopped. “Oh. Sorry, Kyle. If he’s your..”

“No,” Kyle cut him off, his face steely. “It’s ok. He’s insane and he needs to be stopped. I’ve let this go on for far too long and it’s time his reign of terror came to an end.” There was another silence as his words soaked in, then he looked up, his eyes glinting. “We should get a move on. Come on, keep walking.”

They trudged through the trees until James who was trailing behind Aleks couldn’t take it any longer.

“I’m sorry, but I have a million questions.”

“Ask away,” Kyle shrugged. 

“Great. Why won’t Sam just let us leave? How can he stop us?”

“There’s Kate, his wife, and a couple other people who would stop us, maybe even violently. And even if you do get away if he gets a mind to, he’ll hunt you down and kill you. It’s happened before.”

Cooper flashed into James’ mind and he sucked in a breath of alarm.

“Fuck.”

“What?” Aleks asked, turning his head to look at him.

“Cooper,” James muttered. Ahead of them, Kyle stopped dead in his tracks.  
“What did you just say?”

“I…I said Cooper,” James said, not sure what was going on. Aleks looked between them nervously, and James wondered fleetingly if he had never even mentioned Cooper to Kyle.

Suddenly, Kyle was right in front of him, staring him in the eyes, expression deadly serious.“How do you know about Cooper?” 

“He stayed with us for a while,” James stammered. “He even looked for Aleks with me until we got separated.”

Kyle turned away towards Aleks now. “Did you know?” he asked.

“Yes,” Aleks said quietly. “I found out a few days ago, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Kyle didn’t answer, just clenched his jaw, shoulders tense and his hands balled into fists.

“This makes things complicated,” he said after a minute. “I had no idea you knew him, Aleks.”

“What’s up with all this?” James asked, his confusion turning into frustration. “Could someone please just tell me how exactly all this shit is related?”

“Kyle knows more than me,” Aleks said, glancing at the blond man with apprehension. “I feel as lost as you do.”

“Okay,” Kyle sighed. “Okay, I’m sorry. I never wanted anybody else to be dragged into this, but it’s too late now. I’ll tell you about Cooper.” 

He sagged back against a tree and shoved his hands in his pockets, toeing a rock with the tip of his shoe. “Cooper and his little sister stumbled on us one day. It was back when the camp was small, just me, Sam, Kate, and a few others and we welcomed them to stay with us. Well at least I did. We had been in this forest for a while and Sam was already getting ideas about how it was his territory and his alone. He didn’t like Coop and Charlotte joining, but he wasn’t so bad back then so he let them.”

Kyle paused and scratched the back of his neck. He looked nervous when he continued. “Coop and I became friends. Good ones. But I was blind to Sam’s growing insanity when he wasn’t and it made us fight. I regret it all now, but once he said that he might as well leave and I told him that he should. I didn’t think he’d take it seriously.”

James could see where this was going and he felt a pang of sympathy despite himself. He understood what it was like to say what you didn’t mean.

“One night he just left. Just like that. Left me and his own little sister behind. Looking back, I’m not sure he was actually going to stay away that first time, maybe it was just to spite me, but it didn’t matter because as soon as Sam found out he was missing, he went crazy. Stormed out and came back dragging Cooper behind him. I’ll always remember Sam throwing him towards me and screaming that no one went anywhere unless he said so. That was a bit of a wake up call, but it wasn’t enough, I’m ashamed to admit.”

Kyle stopped again, looking upset. He struggled for more words until Aleks placed a hand on his shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at Aleks gratefully, prompting another jealous flare in James’ chest that he tried to ignore it as Kyle went on. “Cooper was even more determined to leave after that. He wanted to get Charlotte out too, claiming that it was unsafe for them now. He was right of course, but I guess I wanted him to stay so I told him I’d tell Sam if he tried it again. God I was such an asshole,” Kyle groaned, closing his eyes. “The next morning Coop was gone again. He left me a note telling me to take care of Charlotte and that he’d be back for her. And me if I wanted to go. That’s the last I’ve seen or heard of him, but Sam won’t give up looking for him. It scares me, but I assumed he was dead or long gone and now you’re telling me he was still around.”

There was a silence. It was a lot to take in and when James looked over at Aleks he could see that he was overwhelmed. It was him who broke the silence first however.

“Wow,” he breathed, his hand still squeezing Kyle’s shoulder. “Fuck Kyle, that’s…that’s…” He stopped, at a loss for words. Kyle just nodded.

“I know, I should have told you earlier. But you should have told me about Coop. I could have done something, found him…”

“But does he want to be found?” James asked suddenly. “When we were looking for Aleks, he avoided this area as long as he could. Sam almost caught us once too.”

“I don’t know,” Kyle said, shaking his head slowly. “I just don’t know.”

“And why does this make it so hard for us to leave?” James asked. “If anything, it’ll help because he’s distracted looking for Cooper, right?”

“No don’t you see? If something like that happens again, Sam’ll snap and who knows what he’ll do. It’s not as simple as just leaving, there’ll be consequences!” Kyle said, becoming more and more agitated. 

James glanced at Aleks and caught his gaze. They looked at each other for a few seconds and James could see the uncertainty swimming in his friend’s eyes.

“Then we’re gonna have to figure something out,” he said when Aleks broke eye contact. “We’re getting out of here on way or another and maybe you, Cooper and his little sister too.”

Kyle frowned and opened his mouth to reply, but started suddenly as a voice rang out through the trees.

“Kyle?” a woman was calling. She sounded pissed. “Kyle where the fuck are you?”

“It’s Kate,” he hissed. “Come on, we can talk later.”


	14. Past and Present

All the three men could manage was trying to act normal for the rest of the day. Kate kept a stern eye on all of them, and Aleks didn’t like the storm brewing behind her glances. She was obviously suspicious, and time was running short, but nothing could be done just yet. 

There was also the issue of his brain not functioning properly every time he glanced at James or felt his warmth or caught him looking at him with something like wonder in his eyes. Aleks just wanted to be near him for the rest of his life, so he stuck with him all day. Kyle was around most of the time too, so they didn’t get much of a chance to talk, but basking in each other’s presences was enough. Until after dinner when Kyle mentioned that James should share with Aleks because they didn’t have any extra room. Aleks was pretty sure he winked, but he pretended not to see so he wouldn’t start blushing.

James left first, claiming he was exhausted. Aleks believed him. The dark half circles under his eyes were proof enough, and every time he saw them, Aleks felt a pang of guilt at the thought that it was he who put them there. He tried to push the familiar feelings of guilt away, knowing that they were what had gotten them into this mess in the first place, but that ended up causing him to feel even guiltier. So when James left, he stayed, scooting closer to the fire until his face and hands were almost too hot. He sat, staring into the flames until he felt someone sit down beside him. He could tell it was Kyle, but he didn’t say anything and neither did the other man. There was silence for a few moments, but it was a comfortable silence. Until it was broken by Kyle. 

“So. You and James.” 

It wasn’t even phrased as a question, just as a simple statement. That made Aleks’ chest hurt for some reason, but it was a good hurt. As if his heart had suddenly grown too big to stay contained.

“Yeah,” he murmured, looking over a little sheepishly. Kyle’s eyes were glinting in the firelight and he was half smiling, reassuring Aleks that everything was ok. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“As soon as I saw him look at you, I could tell,” Kyle said, his mouth slanting into even more of a smirk.

“Tell what?” 

“That he's in love with you.”

Aleks’ heart skipped a beat and he went a little numb. To hear it spoken with such conviction, that James might be in love with him, shook him. He hadn’t really thought about it, hadn’t even dared to hope that James might be even attracted to him until that morning.

Kyle seemed to sense his shock, and opened his mouth in surprise. “He hasn’t told you yet?”

Aleks shook his head. “God no. I’m not sure he feels that strongly…”

“Shhh,” Kyle shushed him, almost grinning now. “He does. Trust me.”

Aleks just stared at him, still not quite comprehending. Kyle rolled his eyes and gave him a fond smile that was tired around the edges. 

“Go to bed. Forget Sam, me, everything shitty that’s happened to you. Tell James you love him. God knows how many chances you’ll get.”

He patted Aleks on the shoulder and stood up. Aleks turned his face back towards the fire and didn’t watch him go. He had a lot to think about.

He finally got up about half an hour later when everyone else had left and the fire was just crackling embers. He stood up creakily, his ankle stiff and sore, but he didn’t notice due to how nervous he had suddenly become. Making his way in the dark to the tent, he wondered what exactly he was planning on doing. Kyle’s advice was ringing around noisily in his head. 'Tell James you love him.'

Aleks swallowed as he stumbled across it, fumbling for the entrance. He unfastened the tent flaps quietly, in case James was asleep, but he needn’t have bothered because as soon as he stepped inside, James turned to look at him, sitting on the edge of the cot and looking very awake.

“I thought you were going to bed,” Aleks said, raising an eyebrow at him. James shrugged, his eyes darting over Aleks’ face nervously.

“I’m used to sleeping on the ground. And I guess I felt like waiting for you,” he admitted, biting his lip. 

This behavior was unlike the James he was used to, but something had changed between them. Aleks could feel it in the air. So he walked towards his friend, sitting down beside him so close that their shoulders were pressed together. He felt James shiver, but he also felt one of his large, rough hands close over the top of Aleks’ own and when he turned to meet his gaze he fell in love all over again.

“James,” he said, almost as a sigh. He was going to say it. Kyle was right. 

This could be his only chance for all he knew. But just as the words were being formed, James kissed him, knocking all other thoughts from his mind. 

“I missed you,” James breathed when they broke apart, gasping for air. “Aleks, I missed you so much. I thought you were dead and missing you hurt so much I thought I couldn’t keep going anymore. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I don’t want to live in a world without you.”

Aleks swallowed hard. He could taste James inside his mouth and it was distracting him. “Before I left…we…it felt like there was something broken between us,” he said, trying to articulate his jumbled up thoughts. 

“How does it feel now?” James asked, squeezing his hand and searching his face seriously.

Aleks laughed. “It feels fucking amazing now.”

James smiled and it was the most beautiful thing Aleks had ever seen. It made him forget about everything outside of them. Nothing else mattered right then, anyway.

“We have so much shit to talk about,” he said, looking down at his hands which were still covered by James’. 

 

“Can we talk about it later?” James asked, his gaze flitting down to Aleks’ lips. Aleks smirked, weighing his options for a moment. 

“Ok,” he said finally. “Kissing you sounds much better anyw…” 

The rest of the sentence was lost in James’ mouth, but it was no great loss. Aleks was too busy getting reminded what a fantastic kisser James was. 

……………………………………………………………………………………….

 

The kiss became more and more heated but James couldn't get enough. His thirst for Aleks was unquenchable.   
He rolled them over so he was on top of the smaller man, kissing him harder and pressing them together. When Aleks pulled away for air, they were both panting. James looked down, his heart threatening to burst.

"I can't lose you again," he whispered, emotions he wasn’t used to feeling welling up past his control. 

Aleks reached up, brushing a tear away from his cheek, and smiled crookedly.

"You never will, asshole." 

James caught his mouth again because he had no choice and when he felt Aleks' tongue tracing his lips he keened.

"Fuck, Aleks." 

Aleks just smirked and this time when their mouths met it was more open and wet. James swallowed a moan of pleasure. One hand was tangled in soft hair and he slipped the other one under Aleks' loose shirt, running his fingers down his side. The smaller man shuddered beneath him and James had to hold back another moan. He moved his hand down the smooth skin until he reached his ass, which he gripped, making Aleks start suddenly.

"James!" he gasped, pushing away slightly. James whined in protest, pulling him closer. He tugged on Aleks' shirt. He wanted it off, but was stopped by Aleks’ hand. 

"James, not now. Not here," the man beneath him whispered, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed. 

"Aleks, I've wanted this for so long," James murmured, heavy lidded. "Wanted you for so long. It just took me a while to figure it out."

"I know," Aleks kissed James on the cheek. "I know and I want this too. Just not right now.” He paused before continuing. “Is that ok?"

"Of course," James said, sitting up. "Of fucking course it is."

"Good," Aleks smiled, reaching out and taking James' hand. "Kissing is great though. And hugging."

"Well that's a relief," James grinned, looking down at him. 

"C'mon then and kiss me, asshole," Aleks said, pulling him down by his shirt. Of course James complied.

Aleks was the first one to fall asleep, safely pressed against James’ chest, encircled by his arms. James buried his face in his soft hair, the steady thump of the younger man’s heartbeat lulling him to sleep. For once, everything was right in the world.

Just as he was about to drift off, James whispered three words into the night. They weren’t heard by anyone but himself, but he hoped Aleks already knew.

Waking up alone, Aleks immediately noticed the cold thanks to the lack of James. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and saw that the tent flap had been left open.

“Dickhead,” he murmured, pulling on his hoodie and slipping on his shoes. Stepping out into the early morning, he looked around for James. Hearing voices, he went towards them, quickly recognizing that they belonged to Kyle and his friend. 

He stopped when he got close enough to see the figures through the trees. James and Kyle were conversing in low tones and without seeing their faces, Aleks could tell that it was serious. He was wondering if he should leave without alerting them to his presence when Kyle’s eyes snapped up and met his. He said something to James who turned around too and Aleks was about to apologize for interrupting when James lunged towards him, grabbing his arm and pulling him off to the side. 

“What…”

“Aleks, we’re leaving. We’re leaving now.”

Alarmed at his tone, Aleks pulled his arm away. “James…”

“No, there’s nothing stopping us. We can leave and get far away from this shit storm and get on with our lives. And there’s nothing stopping us except for the fact that this asshole is scared of his own brother and doesn’t want to get in trouble. He basically admitted it to me,” James said in a much too loud voice. Aleks looked over at Kyle who was pointedly looking at the ground, then back at James whose face looked angry, but whose eyes looked scared.

“James,” Aleks said calmly, taking his hand. The rough warmth grounded him and he could see some of the fear melt from the dark eyes. “I know there’s nothing stopping us, but I owe Kyle my life. I’m not going to leave him and Charlotte in danger. I’m just not.”

James just stared at him. His grip on Aleks’ wrist tightened slightly and his expression wavered.

“But…”

“What? I know you’re scared. I am too. But we can figure this out. At least we’re together now.”

Nodding, James blinked hard and let out a sigh. It was a sigh of defeat.

“Alright,” he murmured. “I can’t force you to do anything. But I won’t let anything happen to you, even if you do owe him.”

Aleks let out a breath of relief. He tried to ignore the sliver of hurt in James’ eyes as he looked past him at Kyle.

“What can we do? We’re not leaving until all this is sorted out.”

“I’m grateful Aleks, but…” he started, but James sighed and turned around looking like he was going to yell. 

“No buts,” James said, surprising Aleks. “We’re not leaving until that asshole gets what’s coming to him. What can we do to make sure that happens?”

Kyle slumped back, obviously relieved. 

“Ok then. …I don’t know. Sam has an iron grip on everyone, but especially Kate.”

“There’s no way we can convince her?”

“No,” Kyle shook his head quickly. “No way. Trust me. Sometimes I think she’s crazier than Sam.”

“What then?” James asked. “Maybe we should just shoot the guy, get it over with.”

There was a silence and Kyle went a little pale. 

“They’re brothers,” Aleks hissed, rounding on James. “Have some tact.”

“No, it’s ok,” Kyle said, putting a hand to his forehead. “I don’t have much love for my brother anymore. He’s changed. Something’s wrong in his head, but that’s too rash. We can figure out something else.”

“It’s looking like the only way we can solve this is getting the hell out of here with you and Cooper’s sister and never coming back,” James said, his voice grim. Kyle opened his mouth, but James raised a hand, effectively silencing him. “I know you’re scared. But I can’t think of any other way if you don’t want to kill him, which I understand. I do. If you have any ideas, please tell us.”

Aleks looked between the two, biting his lip. James stared at Kyle, gaze steady, demanding. Aleks had forgotten how commanding his friend could be as he watched Kyle cower in front of him. Finally, he spoke, his voice strained.

“I just…don’t know. I’ve been in this situation for so long that I can’t remember how I got into it and I don’t have any idea how to get out. I…I’ve blinded myself to my brother’s…cruelty for as long as I can remember. And it’s hurt so many people.”

Aleks hadn’t known Kyle very long, but this was the most upset he had ever seen him. He was obviously struggling to keep his emotions in and Aleks could almost feel the turmoil in his mind. He felt overwhelmed until he felt James grab his right hand, squeezing lightly. Taking a deep breath, he said what he felt. “Sam’s been manipulating you. It’s not your fault.”

But Kyle was past the point of being comforted. Face splotched red with emotion, he began to tremble, face crumbling.

“Because of me, Cooper has a death warrant even if he’s even still alive. I’m so weak that I couldn’t stand up to my own brother even when he was threatening to kill my best friend! Even when he murdered my sister in front of my own eyes,” he broke down sobbing.

James stepped back, staring with wide eyes, his authoritative front gone. Overcome with horror, something inside of Aleks twisted, threatening to snap.

“What? He murdered your sister?”

Kyle nodded, scrubbing at the tears running down his face. He seemed so much younger, as if all his paint had been scraped away, leaving him exposed. 

“He said she had been bit, but she hadn’t. Just scratched. He wouldn’t listen, not to me, not to her. She was crying that she hadn’t been bit and he was yelling, calling her and me liars. I froze…I…I didn’t stop him,” his voice broke again, but he had stopped crying. 

James was still staring, disgust heavy on his face. At what exactly, Aleks couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter though. Kyle needed him right now; the guilt was eating him alive.

“Kyle, listen to me,” he said, laying a heavy hand on his shoulder, struggling to catch his gaze. “You need to get it together. I’ve already said that it’s not your fault and I still say that. You didn’t kill anyone, Sam did. Not you. Him. Please, if you want this to be over you need to decide what to do. You know him the best.”

Kyle nodded, still averting his eyes from Aleks’ face. “I do.”

“Ok, then you can figure out what works against him. What we can do to bring him down.”

Aleks could feel James’ gaze on him, hot and questioning. He resisted the urge to meet it, focusing on the still shaking man in front of him.

Kyle swallowed, chewing on his bottom lip, his eyes haunted. “Cooper,” he said in a cracked voice. “If he’s still out there somewhere we need him.”

“The last time I saw him his foot was trapped in a root. I went back after leading the Creepers away, but he was gone,” James said. 

“He’s out there somewhere,” Kyle said, his voice getting lower. “I just know. He wouldn’t leave for long.”

Aleks exchanged a look with James, wondering not for the first time how exactly all this had happened to them.

“Ok, how do we find him? It’s not very safe to just go wandering in the woods yelling for him.”

“I know,” Kyle said. “We need to keep an eye out for him. He was always great at not being seen unless he wanted to be.”

By now, the woods around them were lightening up, more voices were drifting through the branches. 

“Time to socialize,” Kyle sighed, turning away. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Hey,” James said. “We’ll figure it out.”

After Kyle had gone, Aleks leaned heavily into James, giving in to his exhaustion. “Do you really believe that?”

“I hope it,” James replied, putting a supportive arm around his shoulders. “What have you gotten us into, you asshole?”

Aleks gave him a hurt look and he quickly said, “Joking, joking. All I care about is that I found you.”

“And that I kissed you back?”

“And that. Very much that,” James grinned down at him. “At least that worked out.”

Aleks had a thought that not much was worked out except that they at least liked each other and that James really, really liked making out, but he kept it to himself. There would be plenty of time for awkward talks in the future if they survived this.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cooper pushed a branch aside, keeping his eyes on the glow of the fire. It was still barely getting light so not many people were up and he could hear Kyle talking to someone but Cooper couldn’t catch what he was saying. He saw him move into view and when he moved his head towards where Cooper was hiding, he resisted the urge to duck. There was no way he could see him.

Sure enough, he looked away and went back to conversing with someone out of sight. Cooper squinted at him, trying to get a read on how he was doing but it was hard from a distance. Kyle had always been good at hiding his feelings. 

After a moment Cooper realized how creepy he was being and sat back, digging his fingers into the dirt and leaves. He was being a coward. He needed to get his sister and best friend away from that crazy bastard but he was too scared. Sam had almost killed him once and the man was capable of anything. At least Kyle and Charlotte seemed safe for now. 

And then there was the whole issue of Aleks and James being involved. They had been nothing but kind to Cooper and now they were too deep into the whole thing to just get out. 

Cooper had always felt responsible for the people he came across. He had always been known as the leader, the one who knew what he was doing, even back when things were normal and chaos didn’t reign. But now he had no idea what he was doing or how to do what needed to be done. All Cooper knew was that he had two options. One, he could just leave. Get far, far away and never look back. Sam wasn’t smart enough to find him and it would be easy to just disappear. But that would mean losing Kyle and Charlotte.

Two, he could find Sam alone in the woods and kill him. That would solve a lot and Kyle wouldn’t need to know. But Kyle was smart. He would figure it out and Cooper wouldn’t be able to lie to him forever. Then he would still lose Kyle.

His head beginning to ache, Cooper closed his eyes. It was all too hard. It wasn’t fair that he had to decide something like this shit. 

Perhaps he was getting forgetful in his old age for Cooper usually never let anyone sneak up on him. It was always the opposite. But as he was, tired and overwhelmed, he didn’t notice the person right next to him until he heard the crunch of their shoes and the stick snap. 

“There you are.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Kyle barely noticed what he was saying to the woman in front of him. What was her name again? Sarah? He didn’t care. This place wasn’t his home anymore. He was embarrassed beyond belief about his meltdown in front of Aleks and James. Everything had come rushing back and with the memories came a new understanding of what Sam was. It was like he had been in denial all these months about what his brother was actually capable of. He had known since his little sister had slumped down, lifeless, a hole in her head, but he had buried it deep down because he had to. Sam had been all he had. Until Cooper and Charlotte…

“Kyle, you feeling alright?” a harsh voice broke him out of his trance and he looked around to see the offended looking woman walking away and Kate standing in her place , her already unpleasant face twisted into a smirk.

“I’m fine,” he said shortly. Dealing with his brother’s partner in crime was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

“Hmm, really? Because you and your new friends have been acting…strange lately. I’m only concerned. It’s my job to keep the peace while your brother is gone.”

“I understand, Kate. Everything’s fine.”  
She nodded, but her harsh eyes were picking him apart piece by piece and he felt like squirming. Or running.

“They’re not thinking of leaving are they?” Kate murmured, stepping closer. Kyle shied away involuntarily, making her narrow her eyes. “You know how Sam feels about new guests just up and leaving.”

Kyle nodded. 

“I’m making sure they don’t get any ideas. Trust me.”

“Good,” she purred, beginning to turn away. Then she seemed to get an idea and turned back, moving in uncomfortably close. “You know for a while there I thought that that dear Aleks boy was getting…attached to you. There are many good ideas you could put into that pretty head without much trouble.”

And with that, she sauntered away, leaving Kyle shaking with anger and a new resolution to get the fuck out of there and make her and Sam regret everything they had ever done to him and his friends.


	15. The Beginning of the End

James frowned down at Cooper who was sitting behind a bush and looking up at him with wide eyes, clearly startled.

“There you are,” he said. “I had a feeling you hadn’t gone very far.” He cleared his throat, mentally preparing himself for the unavoidable conversation. “We need to talk.”

Cooper just glared at him, bringing his finger to his lips. 

“Shush. You want to talk? Follow me.” 

He carefully stood up and looked around before slipping off into the trees, away from the camp. James followed cautiously. He briefly wondered if he should go find Aleks,  
but the man ahead of was almost out of sight, so he kept going. 

After a few minutes, Cooper finally stopped and turned around. The expression on his face was serious, his mouth drawn into a thin line. 

“I know what you want to talk about.”

“Maybe part of it,” James conceded. 

“Well what is it then?”

“How about a fucking explanation first of all,” James said, leaning back against a tree, arms folded. “Why the hell did you disappear on me. Tell the truth.”

Cooper flicked his eyes up and James could see the moment he resolved to be honest.

“I had my own business to deal with. I didn’t want you getting involved, but that obviously didn’t work out too well for either of us.”

“Involved with what exactly?” James asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew.

“With Sam, and Kyle and all the shit that used to be my life,” Cooper said all in a rush. He began to pace, his face lined with stress. “You know- you’ve seen it by now.”

James nodded. He was starting to regard Cooper in a different light for the first time- so many things were becoming clear.

“And you just left your life behind,” he said after a strained moment. A hint of accusation slipped into his words unintentionally. “You don’t want to go back.”

“Go back to what?” Cooper grimaced. “To a broken place with broken relationships, led by an insane man?”

“To your sister and best friend,” James reminded him quietly. 

There was another pause and Cooper took a deep breath. 

“You’re right,” he said, his face falling briefly before going back to its usual neutral expression. “I’ve been a coward, but at least I’m here. I could be long gone by now, if I wanted to.”

James just looked at him, trying to decide if he could trust him. He was tired of not being given information and he needed answers.

“How did you get the car that you had when you found Aleks and I?”

“My house isn’t that far from these woods. I went home when I left and I was planning to get away, go as far as I could, but I just couldn’t do it.”

James nodded, thinking hard. Cooper was obviously planning on doing something, otherwise he wouldn’t have been lurking around. He didn’t seem ready to speak to Kyle or Charlotte for some reason. James supposed he could understand.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Cooper asked, a pinch of his old joviality slipping into his words.

“You’re planning on doing something aren’t you?” James asked. Immediately, his friend’s eyes hardened and he closed off again.

“Maybe.”

“You gonna tell me? Or…”

“All I’m going to tell you right now is that you and Aleks should leave. You don’t need to be involved anymore.”

“Too late. Aleks won’t leave. He feels like he owes Kyle or some shit.”

“Really?” Cooper asked, his expression unreadable. “Huh.”

“Oh yeah, were you planning on telling Kyle that you’re still around anytime soon? For all he knows you’re dead, or at least long gone,” James said, trying not to feel frustrated.

“For what I might end up doing, it would be best if he never knew I came back.”

Now James really was frustrated. “You like being cryptic don’t you? Just spit it out, Cooper. What are you going to do?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know for sure.”

“You must have some idea,” James prompted, not willing to give up. 

Cooper shifted uncomfortably, before sighing. “From where I’m standing I have few options, and none of them are very good.”

James didn’t like his tone, but he just narrowed his eyes, letting Cooper elaborate.

“I could do what my mind is telling me is logical- leave and never come back,” Cooper said before pausing and biting his bottom lip. When he began to speak again, there was a red mark there. “Or I could get involved again and do what needs to be done to end this bloody mess.”

The unspoken meaning hung in the air and James realized with a start. Oh.

“You’re planning on killing him.”

Cooper went pale. “Shhh,” he hissed. “This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made, alright?”

“So you’ve made up your mind?” James asked, his mind whirring. “You’re really going to do it?”

“I…think so,” Cooper admitted. He was starting to regain color in his cheeks, but stress was written all over his face. “I just don’t know what else to do.”  
Another silence. 

James had only met Sam once, when he had no idea who he was, but even thinking about that meeting and that man’s face as he had told him that Aleks was dead made James sick to his stomach. He imagined seeing Cooper point a gun at him and bullet ripping through his chest and- James felt nothing. If anything he felt glad. The realization scared him, but a wave of relief smothered it.

“You should do it.”

“What?” Cooper looked up, startled. He opened and closed his mouth, then set it in a thin, hard line. “You sure?”

“Very,” James nodded. “The bastard deserves it. You said yourself that it's impossible to reason with him, and judging from Kyle's story earlier, he wouldn't hesitate to kill any of us.”

Cooper just regarded James critically with knowing eyes. “He did something to you, didn’t he. Something personal.”

It wasn’t a question, so James didn’t answer. He looked back towards the camp where Aleks was and swallowed.

“When are you…”

“Soon,” Cooper promised. “I know his patterns. He’ll be back tomorrow, maybe even today. I need a gun though.”

“Of course. Where should I get it from?”

“Kyle always has some in his tent,” Cooper said, his face set. “But James. Don’t say a word about this or me to him. Please.”

James nodded. “What about Aleks?”

“Better not,” Cooper said apologetically after thinking for a moment. “I’m sorry, I…”

“I understand,” James said, although he felt a twinge of guilt. “I’ll get you a gun, or something, one way or another.”

“Soon,” Cooper reminded him. “Meet me late tonight in this same place if you can.”

He turned to go, but James caught his shoulder.

“Will you be ok with this?” he asked.

“I have to be,” Cooper replied, although his face told a different story. “For Kyle and Charlotte. And you and Aleks. Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks,” James said, feeling himself blush much to his chagrin. “You helped.”

“Not much, Cooper scoffed. “Now I really have to go. See you tonight.”

James watched him disappear into the shadows and sighed a deep sigh. Keeping this from Aleks would not be fun.  
……………………………………………………………………………………

Aleks smiled at Charlotte as she came to sit next to him.

“Hi, where’ve you been?” he asked, realizing that he hadn’t seen her around the past day or two.

“I had a cold so Kyle said I should rest, she sulked, perching herself on the log beside him. “It wasn’t even bad.”

“Hey you haven’t met James yet,” Aleks realized, looking around for him. “He’s around here somewhere.”

The little girl perked up and looked around too. “Oh yeah, Kyle told me about him. I’m glad he found you.”

“Me too,” Aleks said. “I don’t know where he is right now though.” 

He looked over at Kyle who was talking with someone and caught his eye. “Hey, Kyle have you seen James?”

“No,” Kyle called. 

“Huh. I’m gonna go find him. I want you to meet him,” Aleks slid off of the log and brushed off his pants. He walked towards their tent and was almost there when he heard a rustle in the woods to his right. Looking over, he saw James emerging from the trees. “Hey!” he called, frowning when James jumped and looked at him guiltily. “What were you doing? Did you get lost?”

He meant it as a joke, but James shrugged and said, “Something like that.”

He obviously didn’t want to elaborate so Aleks let it slide, although it was painfully obvious that something was being kept from him.

“There’s someone I want you to meet,” he said, taking James’ hand. 

“Is it another handsome young man who you ‘owe’?” James grumbled, letting himself be pulled along. Aleks just smiled.

“I’m telling Kyle you called him handsome.”

“God no,” came the groan from behind him. 

When they got back to the fire circle, Charlotte was still sitting there patiently. She looked up and her eyes widened excitedly when she saw James.

“James, this is Charlotte,” Aleks said, gesturing to her. 

“Nice to meet you, Charlotte,” James said kindly, but he had an expression on his face that Aleks couldn’t decipher. “I’ve been told a lot about you.”

“I’ve been told a lot about you too,” she replied, looking important. “Aleks really likes you.”

“I sure hope so,” James smirked, eyeing Aleks enough to make him blush.

“Anyway,” Aleks coughed. “Why don’t you two chat or something. I have to ask Kyle a question.”

He didn’t really, but he had felt intensely awkward all of a sudden and needed to get away. He felt James’ eyes following him as he left, but he didn’t look back. It took five minutes for his cheeks to stop burning with heat, although he didn’t quite know why.

When he got back, the two seemed to be engaged in a staring contest. James’ back was to him so he snuck up behind him and poked him. He jumped and Charlotte laughed.

“Ha, you lost again!”

“But this time it was his fault,” James complained, looking genuinely upset that he had lost a staring contest with a twelve year old.

“I still won,” Charlotte said, looking so proud that Aleks had to back her up.

“She did win. I saw it,” he said, trying to hold back a smile. 

James just glared at him. “You stay out of this.” But when he looked at Charlotte, he grinned. “Fine, you win.”

Just then, Kyle appeared, a serious look on his face. 

“Charlotte, you should go play in your tent now, ok? You’ve bothered James and Aleks enough for one day.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “See you later James.” As she passed by Aleks, Charlotte whispered, “I like him too.”

“Glad you approve,” Aleks grinned. He looked up at Kyle, but the smile slipped off of his face at the stony look on his face as if he wasn’t even acknowledged. 

“Kyle?”

“Come on Charlotte,” Kyle said, ignoring Aleks. He watched them walk away together. Since that morning, he’d been treating Aleks weirdly. It was like Kyle had suddenly become uncomfortable around him. Before he could think too hard on it, he felt an arm slip around his waist and warm breath on his neck.

“Mm,” James murmured, making goose bumps ripple across his skin. “You smell good.”

“How is that possible?” Aleks asked. “I haven’t had a real shower in forever.”

“I dunno,” James began to nuzzle his neck which made Aleks’ breath hitch in his throat. “You smell like you.”

Aleks flipped himself around in his friend’s arms so that they were face to face, their noses almost touching. 

“You’re a tease.”

James’ eyes were dark with something unreadable, but it sent electricity down Aleks’ arms and legs.

“Don’t mean to be,” he muttered before connecting their mouths. 

Immediately everything fluttered out of Aleks’ mind. Kyle, Charlotte, Sam, everything. Everything but James and how he was holding Aleks and how he was kissing Aleks like his life depended on it. 

Aleks threaded a hand through James’ curls, which was becoming a habit of his. He pressed into him and James reciprocated by kissing him harder if it was even possible. 

“What have you done to me?” James panted when they broke away for air. “I call hacks.”

Aleks smirked, running a hand down the broad chest in front of him, making his friend swallow. When he met his eyes, he thought he might get burned. 

“I’m that good at kissing huh?”

James just shook his head and captured Aleks’ lips again. This time it was slower, tenderer. If Aleks was more naïve, he would even think it might’ve been full of love. 

“Hey!”

The voice jarred Aleks out of his state of hazy contentment and caused him to stumble back from James. He looked around, wiping his mouth and blushed furiously when he saw Kyle.

“Really guys?” he asked. “Here?” He looked annoyed, but there was something else on his face that Aleks didn’t like. Apparently James didn’t either because he stepped forwards, looking legitimately pissed.

“Mind your own business,” he said. 

“I think you two making out in the middle of camp is my business,” Kyle said shortly. He was still avoiding eye contact with Aleks and the weird look was still on his face. 

“We’re not in the middle of your camp,” James almost growled. “And what’s your deal towards Aleks right now anyway? You’ve been treating him like shit all day.”

Kyle swallowed, but anger blossomed on his face. Aleks wanted to face palm at James’ bad timing. This whole situation was already awkward enough.

“That’s none of your business,” Kyle spat. 

“Is it my business?” Aleks asked quietly, trying to catch Kyle’s gaze. The agitated man finally looked at him and his face fell, the anger gone.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I’m an idiot. I’ll tell you later.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Kyle nodded and ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. “I’ll leave you guys, then. Just…get a room, ok?”

After he had gone again, James looked at Aleks. He didn’t look very happy.

“That was weird.”

“Yeah,” Aleks agreed. “Kyle’s going through a lot of shit. Makes sense that he’s acting weird.”

He barely caught James’ muttered, “I bet I know why.”

“Why?” Aleks asked, putting a hand on James' shoulder.

James just shook his head, but his mouth was twisted into an unhappy frown. “Never mind. Let’s follow his advice. I need to talk to you about something.”


	16. When the Darkness Comes

Kyle stalked away, his chest tight. James’ angry gaze and Aleks’ confused one were fresh in his memory He was being unreasonable, but Kate’s words were rattling around in his head. “There are many good ideas you could put into that pretty head without much trouble.”

He shuddered. They way she had said it, as if Aleks were just some weak-minded love-sick idiot made him angry. She had ruined everything between them because now he couldn’t look Aleks or James in the eyes. 

Kyle needed to do something to clear his mind. He used to talk to Cooper when things got confusing. He had been so calm and collected all the time. He had been the one to turn to when things got shaky. Kyle remembered when they first met, how Cooper had been so protective of Charlotte and had gradually warmed to Kyle only when he saw how much he liked the little girl. He had never liked Sam though, not that Kyle could blame him. Sam was his big brother, but the chasm between them couldn’t have been any wider or deeper. 

Cooper may have been gone, but Kyle knew that he wouldn’t let the same thing happen to Charlotte that had happened to his own sister. Kyle knew better than to get too far away from camp all by himself, so he stopped his mindless wandering. He looked around at the trees and thick foliage around him and suddenly realized that he hated this forest. He hated the trees and the shadows and the feeling of always being watched. As soon as it was safe he would take Charlotte and get the hell out of the woods. He didn’t know where they would go, but it would be better. At that moment even zombies seemed safer than Sam.

“Fuck”, Kyle cursed, squeezing his hands into fists. He could see it now. Sam deserved to be killed. He deserved to pay for the lives had taken and ruined, but he just couldn’t do it. It was too reminiscent of Sam blowing out his own sister’s brains, but it was also why Sam had put up with Kyle for this long. Family wasn’t meant to kill family. Kyle had a feeling that if he was the one to kill his brother, he might head down the same gruesome path. He was stuck.

Unless someone else killed him. James had practically offered. But after having turned him down, could Kyle actually ask him to do it now? That might be just as bad as being the one to pull the trigger or sink the knife into his chest. 

Once again, Kyle longed for Cooper. He hadn’t really given himself the chance to grieve for his best friend, but the ache snuck up on him when he least expected it. It made the most sense that he was dead, but Cooper had always seemed so invincible, too important to be killed. 

Kyle swallowed, willing back tears. Cooper had always teased him for being emotional.“That’s why you’re her mum and I’m her dad,” he had said about Charlotte in his stupid accent, with his stupid grin. 

Kyle gave up holding back the hot, angry tears that stung his eyes. He was angry that his best friend might be dead and he had nothing, not even a grave to grieve by. Angry that his brother was a murderer and hurt everyone Kyle cared about. Angry that he was too weak to do a fucking thing but stand back and watch like always. 

After a few minutes the hot anger passed, leaving behind nothing but raw grief and wet cheeks. He was tired. He just wanted to see Cooper again. “Coop,” he mumbled. “If you’re out there somewhere, please come home.” 

Of course there was nothing but the rustling of the trees to answer him and the tears threatened to spill again. He should get back, Kyle told himself after the silence became too much to bear. He headed back to where his tent was, planning on catching some sleep before the awkwardness of dinner. He was a few yards away when he caught a glimpse of a blue jacket darting towards the tent. Kyle crept closer, positioning himself behind a tree. Sure enough, a person appeared in front of his tent and looked around carefully. 

It was James. Kyle ducked behind the trunk, staying as still as he could.  
What James was doing in front of his tent he couldn’t imagine, but it was obvious he didn’t want to be seen. After a minute of breathing quietly against rough bark, Kyle heard the opening being unzipped and rustling as James stepped inside. What the fuck did he think he was doing? 

Kyle was about to reveal himself out of anger when James came out again, looking around nervously. He had something clutched in his hand that Kyle caught a glimpse of before it was tucked into his hoodie. It was one of his guns, a relatively small revolver. For a second, he was too confused and stunned that he was being stolen from to do anything about it. Then, as he watched James retreat, a flame ignited in his mind. What would James need a gun for? 

Maybe Cooper wouldn’t have to ask James to kill Sam after all. 

At first his fists clenched at the thought that James would go behind his back, but soon relief smothered any indignation. Softly, Kyle made his way to the tent. He would pretend that he didn’t notice the gun missing and that he had no idea what James was planning. He would let everything fall into place and Sam would get his justice without Kyle having to pull the trigger himself. 

……………………………………………………………………………………

James was so nervous he was sweating and he didn’t know why. Maybe it partly because he was hiding something from Aleks which he had never really done before.  
He had expected to feel guiltier after stealing from Kyle, but he couldn’t feel too bad for the guy. James suspected that he had feelings for Aleks and he couldn’t help but feel resentful and maybe, a tiny bit jealous. Not that he would ever admit that to Aleks in a million years, but now there was the problem of getting the gun to Cooper. He had a feeling that he might be hanging around the same place that James found him, but he needed a time to go where he could be completely alone and Aleks wouldn’t get any more suspicious than he already was. 

Even now, he could feel Aleks’ eyes on him and he could sense him doing that squinty thing that he did when he was confused. 

“You ok, James?” he asked.

James looked up from where he was sitting on the ground and smiled in what he hoped was a disarming way. “Yep. I’m great.”

Aleks didn’t answer, but his eyes got even more squinty. Surprisingly he didn’t press the issue and James almost collapsed with relief. He didn’t know how long he could keep this up. 

“Have you thought of anything we can do about Sam?” Aleks asked, dropping back onto the cot so his legs were still dangling over the edge. His maroon hoodie rode up a little and James caught a glimpse of smooth, pale stomach. He got the sudden urge to kiss it but blushed at the thought.

“Uh, no not really,” he said, flustered. “Have you?”

“I don’t know,” Aleks groaned, pushing his hand through his already messy hair. “I’m not good at this kind of thing.”

“Neither am I. Honestly Aleks, I just want to get out of here. You and me. Alone. Looking for our friends like we used to.”

Aleks was silent for a moment and James was afraid he was mad. But when he spoke his voice was quivering and almost teary.

“Fuck…I know James. Me too.”

James didn’t let him continue, but got up quickly and sat on the edge of the cot, gathering him up into a hug. He buried his face in his shoulder and James just held him until he was ready to talk again. 

“I can’t just leave,” he whispered. “I would always feel like I let Kyle and Charlotte down. They’re important to me now and I can’t pretend like they’re not.”

Guilt was consuming James alive. He felt so terribly awful about not telling Aleks about Cooper or the gun that he almost blurted it out right then. But the only way that Aleks would be completely safe was if the mad man was dead, and he couldn’t risk the plan getting messed up.  
Is this what it’s like to be in love? He wondered. 

“I know Aleks,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I might not fully understand but I respect your decision. I do.”

“You’re too good to me,” Aleks said, looking at him, eyes shining beautifully with gratitude. 

“Never,” James shook his head. “Not possible.”

“You’ve turned into such a sap,” Aleks snickered, laying his head against his chest again. 

“I think you know whose fault that is.”

“Mmm. I feel a sense of accomplishment.”

James wished they could stay like that forever, but shit needed to be done. So he held Aleks until he fell asleep then he kissed the top of his head and laid him gently down.

“Love you,” he whispered, pulling a blanket over him. He pulled the gun out from under the tent and headed towards the place where he had last seen Cooper. The trees were casting strange shadows as the dark crept in and James couldn’t shake the feeling of impending trouble. He had a feeling that no matter what he did things were about to get really, really complicated.

..............................................................................................

Every rustle of leaves and swirl of wind in the dark made Cooper tense up, ready to run. He hugged himself against the cold, straining his eyes to try and see into the shadows. James should know to meet him here, he thought. Unless Kyle or worse, Kate, had caught him getting the gun. 

The next noise to startle Cooper was the crack of a branch breaking, but before he had time to be scared, James was there, looking like he’d seen a ghost. 

“James? What’s up?” he asked cautiously, taking a step towards him.

“I hate these woods in the dark,” James admitted, swallowing. “I got the gun.”

He handed it to Cooper who recognized it with a pang as one of Kyle’s favorites. “Thanks,” he said. James just nodded. There was a moment of tense silence, then he was speaking before he had time to process it. “How’s Kyle doing?”

James frowned and Cooper’s heart sank.

“To be honest, not real good, Coop. You being gone is hard on him. I don’t know him very well, but he looks more worn out every time I see him.”  
Cooper bit his lip, nodding. 

“It'll be better soon,” he said mostly to himself. Then, looking up, “Thanks James.”

He shrugged, his eyebrows dipping together. 

“You’re welcome. I’m not sure I feel good about this, but there you go.”

Kyle was about to reply when a noise in the shadows made him snap his mouth shut. Instinctively, he raised the gun.

“Did Aleks come with you?” he asked, scanning the underbrush and branches frantically.

“No,” James said. He sounded tense, maybe even scared. 

After a moment of complete silence besides both men’s ragged breaths, Cooper relaxed a little, letting his shoulders drop. 

“I’m sure it’s nothi…” 

A large man stepped out of the shadows, right in front of him. For a second, all Cooper could see was his white grin and cruel brown eyes.

“Hey Cooper. It’s been a while.” The eyes flickered down to the gun in his shaking hand. “No need for violence just yet. Drop the gun.”

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………

James swallowed, raising his hands. His eyes darted around, looking for Aleks but thankfully he was nowhere in sight. 

“Drop the gun,” Sam said again, jerking his rifle towards Cooper. “Drop it, you fucking traitor.”

Cooper was shaking with suppressed rage and nerves, but he calmly set the gun down and pushed it away with his foot. It skittered through the damp leaves on the ground and James followed it wistfully with his eyes.

“Ok, Sam. Ok. It’s gone,” Cooper said slowly, raising his hands again. 

Sam just grunted, his eyes still glinting with fury. James wondered if there was a sane thought in the man’s body.

“I’ve been looking for you for weeks,” he said accusingly, getting closer to Cooper. “Why shouldn’t I fucking blow your brains out right now?”

He raised his gun, cocking it with a vicious click, and aiming it between Cooper’s eyes. James could see a bead of sweat trickle down his temple, but Cooper kept his eyes open, fixed on Sam.

“Go ahead,” he challenged, sounding far too confident. “Kill me, and lose what little respect your brother still has for you. Make him hate you. Do it!”  
He yelled the last words, sweat now running freely down his neck. James was frozen with his arms raised above his head, hardly daring to breathe. He let his eyes dart over to the gun, lying half buried in leaves. It wasn’t that far away… But as he began to make a move, Sam roared in anger and frustration, lashing out at Cooper who dodged the sloppy advance. 

“It’s not right!” Sam growled, stepping back and raising the rifle again. “Family should always be first. Kyle forgot that when you came.”

James could tell that Cooper’s composure was cracking. His face was getting pale and his shaking was getting worse. Fearing the worst, he began to edge, ever so slowly, towards the pistol on the ground.

“I’m more of a family to him than you’ll ever be,” Cooper spat. He took a step towards the bigger man, seemingly forgetting that a gun barrel was aimed at his head.  
“You don’t deserve him. The only reason that you’re still around is because he loves you, but you don’t give a shit about him. You just like having someone to control!”

James had never seen Cooper so angry. He risked a larger move towards the gun, sensing danger. Just as he was reaching for it, Sam lunged forward, grabbing Cooper by the throat with one huge hand.

James pounced on the pistol and aimed it with shaking hands at Sam’s head. The pistol was damp and he had to hold it with two hands to keep from dropping it. 

“Let him go!”

Cooper was dropped onto the ground with a thud, coughing and clutching his throat. 

"Oh yes, I forgot about you. My mistake,” Sam turned, looking him up and down with a sneer. “You seem familiar. Have we met?”

James’ finger tightened over the trigger. Do it. Do it. Do it. His mind chanted. But Sam deserved more than a quick death. He lowered the gun towards the man’s stomach, but immediately realized his mistake as Sam knocked it out of his hand with surprising speed and punched him hard in the face. Pain shot through his head and he stumbled back, clutching his jaw.

“I could have killed you both by now,” Sam laughed, his eyes wild. “You’re so weak. It’s sad, really.”

James’ blood ran cold as he helplessly stared up at the man. His gaze flicked over to Cooper who was looking pale and struggling to stand. Bruises were blooming on his throat and James winced at the sight. He quickly forgot about Cooper when Sam pointed the gun at him, and this time his eyes were saying that he was serious. This was it.

“Say goodbye,” Sam hissed. James closed his eyes. He thought about Aleks, but it hurt too much. He wasn’t ready.

Then he heard Aleks’ voice. He thought he might have been imagining it, but it came again. James’ eyes flew open.

“Stop!” Aleks cried again. He was standing behind Sam, completely unarmed, looking very small. His hair was tousled from sleep and his eyes were wide and stood out in his pale face. James heart skipped a beat and he almost choked with fear. This is what he had been afraid of. 

“Aleks, run!” he yelled, praying that it wasn’t too late. 

The last thing he saw was Aleks’ eyes and then the butt of the rifle coming down towards his face before the darkness took him.


	17. There's a Light at the End of This Tunnel

Aleks watched James hit the ground in slow motion. There was a ringing in his ears; every instinct screamed for him to run to him and make sure he was ok, but he kept his gaze fixed on Sam and hoped he didn’t look completely terrified. 

“What are you doing, Aleks?” Cooper groaned. He was struggling to get up, clutching his throat. Aleks didn’t answer him. He kept his eyes trained on Sam’s wild ones. He just had to wait until Kyle got there.

“How do you live with yourself?” he blurted out, almost startling himself. Cooper shook his head and tried to get up again, but Aleks gave him a look that stilled him immediately. 

“What?” Sam asked, incredulously. "What did you just ask me?"

Aleks fought to keep his voice steady. “You heard me. How do you live with yourself? Cooper’s done nothing to you. Me and James have done nothing to you. Your own brother has been nothing but kind to you.”

“Shut up!” Sam growled. “Don't talk to me about my brother.”

“Why? He’s your family. You owe him.”

“I don’t owe him shit!” Sam’s face was getting redder and redder and his breathing was becoming ragged. Aleks didn't dare move, but he managed to keep eye contact.  
He could feel Cooper’s worried eyes trained on him, but he didn’t dare take his eyes off of Sam. 

“You don’t get to say that. He’s your brother, you can’t change that,” he said levelly. Somehow, his words weren’t coming out shaky like they sounded in his head. 

Sam shook his head, his teeth bared in anger. “He’s no brother to me,” he said, his words low and violent. “I couldn’t care less about Kyle.” He spit the name out like poison and Aleks’ blood ran cold. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Aleks saw Cooper’s face go white. During the stunned silence, someone stepped forward behind Sam. The barrel of a gun appeared, pushed against the back of his head with a thud. Kyle’s eyes flashed at Aleks from behind Sam’s shoulder. They were cold and filled with something that he had never seen before. 

“Is that true, Sam?” Kyle asked quietly. He caulked the gun with a click. 

Sam just smiled, his teeth flashing white. “Of course it is. Do you really think you’ll be able to pull the trigger?”

“Why not? According to you we’re not brothers anymore.”  
“  
If,” Sam rasped, still grinning wickedly. “You kill me, you’ll never be able to forget it. You were always weak. It will haunt your dreams. The blood. Seeing me dead on the ground. You’ll fall apart like you always do.” 

Over Sam’s shoulder, Aleks could see a few frustrated tears run down Kyle’s cheeks and the gun waver. If Kyle gave up, they would all die, but all Aleks could do was watch.

A second later, another movement in the corner of his eye alerted Aleks to Cooper forcing himself up. He made a move to stop him, but it was too late. The weak man flung himself at Sam. It was a desperate but quick fight that ended with Cooper slumping to the ground in pain. 

Sam grunted, wiping blood from his lip and sent a vicious kick to Cooper’s stomach. He cried out, trying to curl further into himself.

“Stop!” Aleks yelled. He was terrified and weaponless, and he didn’t stand a chance against Sam, but he wasn't going to let this happen. Somehow, it had to be stopped.

“And what will you do if I don’t?” Sam challenged, aiming for another kick. “Nothing. Just like that bitch over there.” He gestured to Kyle who was standing in the same place, gun down, his eyes blank and lost.

“Kyle! Don’t just stand there! Shoot him!” Aleks screamed, but Kyle just closed his eyes, his face as white as paper.

“He won’t,” Sam said, his voice triumphant. He glanced down at Cooper who was still curled into a ball and sneered. 

Aleks had to do something. In desperation, he lunged at Sam, but a fist stopped him in his tracks and sent him to the ground. His jaw smarting, Aleks looked up at Kyle who still had his eyes closed and hadn’t moved an inch.

“Please, Kyle,” he whispered. 

Sam picked up his rifle and nudged Cooper with his foot, ignoring Aleks and Kyle. 

“I finally get to kill you,” he grinned, aiming it at the limp man’s head.

Aleks was trembling. Sam was actually going to do it. Cooper groaned, lifting his head just enough to look up and over at Aleks, then Kyle. 

“Kyle,” he rasped. His head dropped back down again, defeated when he got no response. 

“Goodbye, Cooper.” 

Sam tightened his finger on the trigger.

Aleks squeezed his eyes shut just as the gun went off with a horrible bang. A sickening splatter and thud made the bile rise in his throat as tears ran down his cheeks unchecked. No. No.

During the terrible silence that followed, Aleks didn’t want to open his eyes. He knew he was probably next, but for some reason he had to look. He slowly blinked his eyes open, not prepared for what he was about to see. 

Kyle was still standing in the same place, except now his eyes were open. They were wide and staring at a body on the ground. But then Aleks noticed the smoking gun in his shaking hands and, following his gaze, he gasped in shock. 

Sam was lying, dead, half over Cooper, who was looking at Kyle in surprise and shock. 

“Kyle…” he said again, and it was like a spell was lifted. Kyle shook his head, flung the gun down, and rushed over to his friend, burying his face in his chest. 

“Hey,” Cooper said softly, tiredly. “It’s ok. You did it.”

Aleks barely had time to be relieved because as soon as he saw Cooper was ok, he was rushing over to James, who was still in a heap on the ground. He kneeled by him, noticing the bloody cut on his forehead right away. His pulse was fine and his breathing was normal, so Aleks shook him gently.

“James? Hey, James. Get up.”

James’ eyelids began to flutter and he groaned. “Wha..? Aleks?” His voice was thick and groggy, but Aleks had never been so happy to hear someone say his name before in his life. 

“Yeah, it’s me asshole.”

“Wait!” James tried to sit up too quickly and winced. “Are you ok? Where’s Sam?”

“Shhh. I’m fine. Kyle...killed him. It’s all over.”

“Kyle did?” James asked incredulously. “What did I miss? What happened to your jaw?”

He rubbed his thumb over the tender spot and Aleks realized how fucking exhausted he was. 

“I’ll tell you about it later. Right now, you need someone to dress that cut.”

James scoffed and stood up, using Aleks as leverage. “I’m fine.” He stopped when he noticed Cooper and Kyle who were still hugging. “Are they ok?”

“Cooper’s a little beat up, but I think they're going to be ok,” Aleks said.

He felt James put an arm around his shoulder and he smiled. 

“It’s over, huh?”

“It’s over,” he confirmed. “It can be just us again, if you want. On the road, looking for our friends like we were.”

“Mmm,” James hummed. “We can talk about all that later. Right now, I just want to kiss you.” 

So he did.

........................................................................................................

A few minutes later, James leaned on Aleks as they made their way over to where Cooper and Kyle were standing with their arms around each other. He didn’t know exactly what had happened, but Kyle’s face was buried in Cooper’s shirt, and his shoulders were shaking. Apparently James had missed a lot.

“Hey, Kyle,” Aleks said softly, reaching out to pat him on the back. “You ok?”

Cooper looked at them from over his friend’s head and tilted his head forward slightly. “He will be. He just had to shoot his own brother dead. Let him get it out.”

“No, no. ‘M fine,” Kyle sniffed, raising his head and stepping back. He turned towards James and Aleks and smiled. His eyes were red, but somehow they looked clearer than ever. “Glad you’re ok Aleks. You too, James.”

“I can’t believe we all made it out of that alive,” Cooper said from where he kneeled over Sam’s body. “We’re bloody lucky.” 

Taking the large man’s ankles, he began to drag him into the trees, grunting. “A little help?”

James started forward, but Aleks pulled him back. “No way. Not with that gash on your head.”

“I’ve got it.” Kyle went over and took the limp arms. “Where are we taking him?”

“Far enough away that someone won’t stumble across him on their morning walk.”

“Wait!” James called. Cooper stopped and looked up at him. “What do we tell Kate?”

“Fuck,” Cooper swore, dropping Sam with a thud. He wiped sweat off of his forehead and squinted his eyes, thinking. “Forgot about her in all this shit.”

“She doesn’t know he came back,” Kyle said quietly, eyeing his brother with an unreadable expression. “We have time.”

Aleks scoffed, shifting his weight so that James stumbled a little. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “So we have to act like nothing happened?”

“For the time being,” Cooper said. “Once Kyle and I finish this pleasant task, we’ll figure out what to do next. Okay?”

“Sure,” Aleks said, and James nodded. They didn’t have much of a choice – it had to be okay. They turned away as Cooper and Kyle disappeared into the woods with Sam.   
James kept glancing over at Aleks as they walked, but he couldn’t get a good read on what he was thinking. He trudged along with his hands in his pockets, head angled slightly down, but his eyes straight ahead. As he walked, his hair swished gently in front of his eyes in time. Even though it was probably obscuring his vision he never pushed it away. James realized that his hair hadn’t been this long since when they first met, a long time ago in their Senior year of college. 

James smirked as memories came rushing back. Aleks had taken his regular parking spot during finals one day and James had had no idea who the skinny emo looking guy was, but he’d blown up in his face about it. Aleks had just blinked at him and thrown him his famous shit-eating grin and said, “Deal with it, asshole.” Somehow they’d become friends, and then best friends and now…something James was scared to define. 

They hadn’t talked about being boyfriends yet, or even if they considered themselves together. Suddenly James was nervous that Aleks thought they were just doing a friends with benefits type deal when James wanted much, much more. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Aleks’ voice startled James so that he snapped his head up guiltily as if he’d been doing something wrong by staring at his shoes, thinking.

“What?”

“I can tell when you’re thinking too hard,” Aleks said, brushing his hand against James’ arm to get him to stop walking. “Your face gets all red.”

“Really?” James put a hand to his face self-consciously. 

Aleks rolled his eyes. “You didn’t tell me about whatever you were doing with Cooper, so you owe me this.”

Right. James rubbed the back of his neck. He really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. He tried to convince himself that it was because his head ached and he really was hungry and not because he was terrified what Aleks would say. “Later. Please?” he pleaded, when Aleks gave him a look. “I promise. My…head hurts and I’m starving to death.”

“Alright,” Aleks sighed. “Fine. Don’t expect me to forget about it though.”

James shook his head, crossing his eyes and making an ‘x’ in front of his chest with his finger. “Scout’s honor.”

“Shut up,” Aleks said, but he was smiling. His eyes were soft and shining as he gazed at him before looking away, and James’ heart fluttered in his chest almost painfully. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Aleks said after they had started walking again, their arms brushing against each other. 

James looked at him, eyebrows raised and Aleks met his gaze straight on. “I mean like, I’m glad we made it through together, you know what I mean? There’s no one I’d rather go through the goddamn apocalypse with than you.”

In response, James leaned over and kissed him, relationship talks be damned. 

“Same,” he murmured, lips hovering over Aleks’. “How did we get so lucky?”

“Imagine Jordan,” Aleks said out of nowhere after their second kiss. James pulled away, making a face.

“You know how to kill the mood fast.”

“No,” Aleks laughed. “Just imagine going through this with Jordan. He’d be trying to boss the zombies around.” 

James laughed too, but he felt a pang at the thought of one of their old friends. Their group had always been close.

"We're gonna find them," Aleks assured him, guessing what he was thinking. "After we leave we'll find them."

"How?" James asked. "They could be anywhere."

Aleks shrugged. "We just will. If we made it through this, we can do anything."

They began walking again, both lost in thought. James thought about who he had been before the apocalypse – carefree and never taking anything seriously. He had changed and so had Aleks, but it was ok because he had never even considered having what he had now, and just having his best friend beside him and the lingering taste of him on his lips was something that made everything worth it. For the first time since the world had ended, James was glad that it had. God, he was getting sappy.

Breaking through the trees into camp, the first person James saw was Kate and she did not look happy. He broke out into a sweat just at the sight of her twisted mouth and downturned eyebrows. As soon as she spotted them, she made a beeline straight for them. Aleks gave James' hand a quick squeeze as she stalked up, immediently in his face.

"What's going on?" she demanded shrilly. "Where's Kyle? I heard a shot." Then she noticed the gash on James' head and squinted, her eyes going dark. "And how did that happen?"

James opened his mouth, but Aleks beat him to it. "Kyle took us hunting and James tripped and hit his head. He sent us back."

"The gunshot?" Kate prodded, her arms crossed tight in front of her.

"Kyle must've shot something."

There was a silence in which James was sure he could hear his heart thudding in his chest, until Kate nodded tightly. She let them walk off, but James was sure that the hint of suspicion never left her eyes.

"Damn she's creepy," Aleks whispered as he led James over to the fire. "Even worse than Mrs. Garver from Psych."

"Are you really complaining about Mrs. Garver right now?" James asked incredulously. "You hold a mean grudge. Remind me never to seriously piss you off."

Aleks shook his head, helping James sit down on a log even though he really didn't need the help.

"You wait here. I'll find something to patch you up with."

"Find something to eat too," James called after him. He was left alone with a grumbling stomach and aching head.

"Fuck," he breathed, closing his eyes and letting what had just happened really soak in. He felt a little guilty for wanting to eat right after someone had been killed, but it wasn't like he actually saw it happen... He wasn't left alone with his thoughts very long though before a small voice made him open his eyes again.

"Hi James. Are you ok?"

It was Charlotte. She was standing in front of him nervously, twirling a lock of her curly dark hair through her fingers. Her resemblance to Cooper struck James as he smiled at her.

"Hey sweetie. I'm ok. I just hit my head."

"It looks like it hurts," she observed.

"Kinda does," James admitted.

"Where's Aleks?" Charlotte asked, coming to sit beside him. She looked up at him, swinging her feet and kicking her heels against the side of the log.

"He went to get some stuff to clean my cut with. He'll be back."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

Charlotte paused her swinging and looked at James very seriously, her eyes wide with curiosity. He braced for a question, but it startled him all the same.

"Do you love Aleks?"

"What? Do I love him?" he repeated, not quite sure what she was getting at.

"Like, um, more than a friend?" she clarified. James just stared at her, his brain fizzling under pressure.

"How do you know about that?"

"I'm not that young," she pouted. "I know about people falling in love. You did with Aleks didn't you?"

Defeated, James sighed. "Yes. I love Aleks." And even though he was already aware of this, it made his heart skip a beat at confessing it out loud.

"Thought so," Charlotte crooned, triumphant. "You stare at him a lot and smile real big when he's around."

"Just. Don't tell him I said that, ok? I haven't told him yet."

"When will you?"

"I...don't know. Soon."

"Good," the little girl nodded seriously. James had to smile at how gravely she was taking this.

Footsteps alerted them to Aleks returning just as he came into sight, fumbling with a few cardboard boxes and a pitcher of water.

"Oh, hey Charlotte," he smiled as he dumped everything on the ground next to them. "You and James having a good talk?"

"Yeah," she said, giving James a not-so-subtle grin. He just laughed as Aleks looked on in confusion.

"Stop gaping and hurry up," James said, frowning at him. "I'm starving and in pain here."

"Yeah, yeah," Aleks grumbled, kneeling down to rifle through the boxes. "What an invalid."

"What's an invalid?" Charlotte asked.

"A sick or hurt person," James explained, watching as Aleks hair fell into his eyes before getting irritatedly pushed away. "But he's being sarcastic."

"Do you want food or not?"

"Sorry." 

Aleks handed him a can of corn and a spoon. He pulled a rag out and wetted it with water as James pried the lid off. "This is gonna sting," he warned, bringing it up to James' head gingerly.

It did sting, but not too much. The cool water felt good as it dribbled down his dirty face. Aleks gently patted the cut a few times and James closed his eyes, enjoying his ministrations. When the towel was taken away he opened them again to see Aleks picking out a plaster.

"I found some anti infection cream," he explained as he smeared some white stuff from a tube on it. "It's probably expired but better than nothing."

James almost made a white creamy substance joke, but he remembered Charlotte at the last second and figured Kyle wouldn't appreciate it. After the bandage was on, James just wanted to take a nap. He stood up and stretched, his back cracking satisfyingly.

"Thanks Aleks."

"No problem." He was putting the things back in the boxes, not looking up. "It was the least I could do."

"Do you feel better now?" Charlotte asked.

"Much," James smiled. "That Aleks is a miracle worker."

"Oh, do you know where Kyle is?" she asked, looking like she had just remembered something. "I can't find him."

James had almost forgotten about all that shit and he inwardly groaned.

"He's out hunting," Aleks said. "He'll be back soon."

James sure hoped so. Also, how were they going to explain to Charlotte that her brother was actually alive? And he had no idea how the fuck they were going to deal with Kate.


	18. Alone Together

Kyle hadn’t spoken since they dragged Sam into the forest. Cooper kept glancing at him, nervous that he was going into shock. He had no doubt that killing Sam had been the right thing to do, but he had always wanted to protect Kyle from the pain of seeing his brother die, and he had failed. Wiping his hands on his jeans, Cooper kicked one last clod of dirt and leaves onto the makeshift grave. Behind him, he heard Kyle sigh deeply, the sound of many years of pain being released. Before he could turn to console him, Cooper felt arms circle his chest and the warmth of his best friend pressed against him. Closing his eyes, Cooper sighed too, relief flooding his chest. 

“I’m glad I shot him,” Kyle said quietly after a moment. “He didn’t love me. He used to, but he forgot how.”

There was a silence until Cooper couldn’t stand it any longer. “I’m sorry I left,” he blurted out. “It was stupid. Maybe the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

He felt Kyle shake his head, his hair tickling his neck. 

“It’s ok. Things worked out in the end, didn’t they?”

Cooper turned around, breaking out of Kyle’s embrace. He made eye contact and held it. “I mean it. It was unbelievably selfish. I belong with you and Charlotte, wherever that will be now.”

“Thanks,” Kyle said raggedly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

They began their trek back, Cooper thinking as hard as he ever had before. He had to make things right for Kyle. Whatever went down with Kate and the others, he was going to get Kyle, Charlotte and himself out of there for good. He nudged Kyle, who was walking beside him. 

“Hey, when we get back, go to your tent and get everything you want. I’ll find Charlotte.”

“She doesn’t even know you’re alive!”

“Well she’ll have a nice surprise then, won’t she?”

Kyle was silent for a moment before asking, “What about James and Aleks?” 

“They have their own plans. James has wanted to leave for a while. They’ll be fine.”

The rest of the way back, the two men stayed silent, wrapped up in their own thoughts. They knew that everything would be changing. For better or for worse.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Aleks watched James and Charlotte interact out of the corner of his eye. Despite the warmth their cute exchanges brought him, there was still tightness in his chest. He kept staring out at the woods, uneasy. Cooper and Kyle should be back soon. Sam might be gone, but things couldn’t be so simple, he knew it. Every time a branch snapped or a bush rustled, he started, expecting the two men, or even Kate. He kept imagining her coming towards him with a gun in her hand and a mirror of Sam’s smile on her face, and it wasn’t helping. 

He hadn’t noticed James’ and Charlottes’ voices stop, so he startled when a hand gripped his shoulder. 

“Hey,” James said in a hushed voice. “You look tense. Watching for them?”

Aleks nodded, glancing back to where Charlotte sat, knocking her heels against the side of the log. “What do you think they plan on doing when they get here?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I imagine they want to leave as soon as they can. As we should be doing too.”

“Not until they get back,” Aleks almost snapped. 

James sighed. “Of course, Aleks. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, sorry. Just…I’m real tired of this shit, you know?”

James squeezed his shoulder gently, leaning against him slightly. “I know.”

He straightened back up as Cooper emerged suddenly from the trees, breathing hard. His arms and face were streaked with dirt, but he didn’t look too alarmed, just out of breath. “Charlotte!” he called softly, ignoring Aleks and James. 

She looked up, disbelief written on her face, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Cooper ran towards her, bending down to scoop her up in his arms. 

“Cooper!” she wailed, burying her face in his chest. “You’re not dead!” 

“Nope,” he smiled down at her. “Nothing can keep me away from my favorite little sister.”

Aleks bit his lip, looking away. He met James’ eyes and they smiled at each other. Suddenly he wished they were alone, but the look in James’ eyes said ‘soon’, so that was good enough.

Cooper and Charlotte hugged for a few minutes, Aleks and James standing awkwardly off to the side. Finally, he set her down and put a hand on her head protectively. 

“Charlotte,” he said seriously, kneeling down in front of her. “We’re leaving. You, and me, and Kyle.”

“And James and Aleks?” she asked hopefully, glancing at them. 

“Them too. Although I think they have their own plans.”

Charlotte nodded, her eyes thoughtful. “Where are we going?”

“We’re not sure yet, but we’ll find a place, ok? Somewhere better than this.”

“Somewhere with kids?”

“Maybe,” Cooper smiled. Then he looked serious again. “Is this ok with you? Leaving?”

“I think so,” Charlotte said slowly. “I don’t like Sam very much.”

“Me neither, sweetie. But he’s gone now. That’s why we’re leaving.”

Charlotte looked confused, scrunching up her face at her brother. “Gone?”

“Gone,” Cooper shrugged, making it clear that he wasn’t going to explain any further. “Let’s go find Kyle. He’s getting your things together.” He took her hand and gave Aleks and James a look. “You coming?” 

“We have to get our stuff too,” Aleks said, waving him off. “Meet you at the campfire?”

Cooper nodded. “Alright then. Hurry!” 

He and Charlotte hurried off, finally leaving Aleks and James alone. James took his hand, it was warm and slightly sweaty but Aleks didn’t care. A spark traveled through their connected hands making him shiver slightly and James squeezed harder. 

“C’mon,” he said. His tone was light but there was a connotation to it that was hard to miss. 

“We’re finally going to get out of here,” Aleks said, a bit disbelieving. He hadn’t realized until now how much he longed to be alone with James, doing their thing. 

“Yes we fucking are,” James agreed, pulling him a step forward. “Now come on so we can get our shit and actually do it.” 

As they stumbled into the little run-down tent Aleks actually felt a pang of nostalgia much to his surprise. He had only been here a few weeks but it might as well have been a lifetime as much as things had changed. He reached for his backpack in the corner but stumbled to the side with an “Oof!” as James tackled him around the middle. 

“What’re you doing?” he gasped as James began trailing kisses up and down his neck. 

“We’re alone,” he said playfully in-between kisses as if that was the only explanation needed. 

“Cooper said to hurry!” Aleks protested as James gently pushed him down onto the blankets. 

“So?” The kisses continued unhindered.

“That tickles,” Aleks spluttered, halfheartedly pushing James away. He didn’t actually succeed though, as instead James kissed him full on the mouth. After a very long moment, Aleks pulled away, breathing hard. He wiped his mouth and glared at James who didn’t look sorry at all. 

“Is now really the time?”

“Aleks, it’s the goddamned apocalypse. When is there ever a good time?”

“Good point,” Aleks said and pulled James in for another kiss. This one was longer and deeper and by the time they parted, Aleks was aching. 

“I think you have a little problem,” James smirked, grinding against him slightly. Aleks gasped, but recovered and looked at him incredulously. 

“I have a problem?” 

James blushed, but didn’t tear his gaze away from Aleks. His eyes were dark and his pupils blown wide. Aleks swallowed, realizing that this was actually happening. He didn’t know what to do. James seemed to realize this and he smiled reassuringly, tucking a tuft of Aleks’ unruly hair behind his ear. 

“It’s ok, Aleks. We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

But Aleks knew he was too far gone. He looked into James’ eyes, fighting to keep his voice steady. “I want to.”

James’ whole face lit up and he kissed Aleks on the cheek. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, causing chills to run down Aleks’ spine. He closed his eyes as James ground down on him again, barely holding in another groan. He kept them shut even as lips connected with his and James’ rough but gentle hand traveled down his side, resting on his ass. 

Aleks was squirming around, trying to get better friction, but James didn’t seem to care, still kissing him slow and deep. 

“James,” Aleks gasped when he couldn’t take it any longer. “Please…we don’t have all day.”

“You’re right,” James breathed heavily, his eyes not straying from Aleks’. His hand moved however, and Aleks’ back arched off of the ground. 

“F..fuck.”


	19. Oh Didn't We Have Fun

Kyle glanced at Cooper and Charlotte again as if they would disappear any second. They were huddled together beside the cold, dead campfire, waiting for James and Aleks.

“I told them to hurry!” Cooper stressed for the tenth time in ten minutes. “I don’t know what could be taking them so bloody long.”

“Do you think we should go look for them?” Charlotte asked, looking up at Kyle. Her eyes were big and worried.

He looked towards where James and Aleks’ tent was and wondered if they should head over there, just in case something went wrong. He was about to suggest it when he felt someone bump his shoulder and he looked over to see Cooper. He had a funny look on his face.

“Hey, um,” he said, his voice lowered. “Do you think they…I mean they were looking at each other kind of weird earlier…uh never mind.” He stopped, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Kyle stared at him until it dawned on him. Oh.

Blushing, he looked away. “That might be it, honestly. Better just wait.”

“Yeah.”

There was an awkward silence in which Charlotte looked at both of them and they very pointedly did not look at her.

She was just opening her mouth to ask a question that Kyle very much did not want to answer, when James and Aleks came into view. Sure enough, they were both rumpled and sweaty. Kyle noted that James looked very happy and Aleks looked very guilty.

“Sorry we’re late,” he said, not meeting Kyle’s eyes and very obviously blushing.  Kyle rolled his eyes so hard that it hurt.

“It’s fine.”

“Did you get everything you needed?” Cooper asked, suppressed laughter in his voice.

Aleks glanced at him sharply and James grinned widely.

“Definitely.”

Kyle rolled his eyes again. They were hopeless.

“Now that we’re all good, let’s go.”

“Any idea where yet?” Aleks asked, hitching his threadbare backpack farther up on his back.

“Actually, we talked about that,” Cooper replied, leaning over to pick up his own pack. “We were thinking you and James’ place. Where I found you guys. We can go from there when we have a real plan.”

“I mean, it’s not our place, but sure. That sounds good.”

Kyle suddenly realized that they weren’t planning on coming with them, at least not far. He stopped.

“Are you guys gonna split pretty soon here?”

Aleks and James glanced at each other before Aleks answered.

“Yeah…yeah I think so. We have people to try and find. It’s time to move on. We’re gonna miss you guys though. Especially you, Charlotte,” he smiled, a bit sadly. Kyle noticed that his eyes were happier than he had ever seen them before, so he swallowed his disappointment and nodded.

Charlotte ran over and hugged Aleks tightly. He hugged her back, whispering something in her ear. She giggled and promptly let go to tackle James.

“Take care of yourself,” he mumbled, ruffling her hair, his eyes crinkling with fondness.

“I hate to break it up, but Kate’s going to be back any second. We really have to go. Goodbyes can be said when we’re far away from this place.”

He was right of course, so Kyle gently took Charlotte’s hand and handed her her little bundle.

“C’mon,” he said. “We’re finally leaving.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

 James left the clearing behind the others, assuming that Aleks was right behind him. That was his mistake. He had only gone a hundred feet when he heard Aleks cry out in pain and his heart stopped. He had never reacted to anything faster before in his life, turning around just in time to see Kate tackling Aleks, slamming him into a tree with a sickening crack. The smaller man cried out in pain as she punched him in the ribs, scratching at his face and chest like a crazy person.

“You killed him,” she shrieked. “You killed him, I know you did! You’re not getting away, I’m not letting you!”

“Hey!” James screamed. He closed the distance between them in a few strides and ripped her off of Aleks, flinging her to the side violently. “You don’t fucking touch him, ok? You don’t touch him.”

“James,” Aleks panted. “I’m fine.” But he was clutching his side, wheezing in pain and it was because of that woman. She had _hurt_ Aleks and James wanted to kill her.

But she was already scrambling up, turning to run away. Blood was dribbling down her cheek from where she had cut it on a rock. In that moment she looked crazier than Sam ever had.

“I’m going to find you and kill you all,” she spat, eyes wild. “Every one of you.”

James lunged for her, but she turned and sprinted away, disappearing into the shadows. He made a move to follow her, but Aleks grabbed his arm, grunting in pain and she was immediately forgotten.

“Are you ok?” James asked, clutching his shoulder, fisting his hands in his shirt. “Where did she hurt you?”

He made a gesture to lift his shirt up to inspect the damage, but Aleks stopped him, firmly pushing his hands away. “I’m fine,” he said meaningfully. “I promise, ok?” He gestured towards where Cooper, Kyle and Charlotte stood, in shock. It had all happened so fast that they hadn’t had time to react. “Let’s just go. Please?”

“Alright,” James relented. He didn’t let go of Aleks the whole way though.

When they finally reached the edge of the forest, James knew that this was where they would be parting ways. He looked across wide the dirt road to where he knew the place they had called home stood, but he felt no pull towards it. He and Aleks were moving on, just like they were in so many other ways.

Cooper and Kyle seemed to know as well, so they all paused and just stood looking at each other for a moment.

“Hey,” Kyle said softly when the moment seemed right. “I’m damn glad I found you in the woods Aleks. You’ve done a lot for me, for all of us. I’m going to miss you, man.”

Aleks just hugged him, long and tight. James knew he wasn’t much for goodbyes. Never had been. It was one of the things he loved about him.

Cooper was next. He didn’t say much, just shook Aleks’ hand and gave him a meaningful look that only Cooper could give.

James and Kyle didn’t hug, but they nodded at each other as Charlotte clung to Aleks, a silent show of mutual respect. When Cooper came over though, James pulled him into a quick embrace.

“Thanks for always having my back,” Cooper said. “I’m so happy for you and Aleks, you know.”

“I know,” James smiled. “I have so much to thank you for. Too much.”

“Don’t mention it,” Cooper grinned. “Who knows, maybe we’ll cross paths again someday.”

James nodded as they stepped away from each other.

“Take care of yourself, Charlotte,” he mumbled, reaching over to ruffle her hair as she peeled herself away from Aleks.

“Bye James,” she sniffed. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” he said gently, oddly touched. “And I prefer see you later.”

As he and Aleks stood hand in hand, watching the small group of three get smaller and smaller, James was overwhelmed with the sense that something great was just beginning. He didn’t have too much time to think about it though before he heard the familiar sound of a creeper, not too far off. He sighed. The apocalypse didn’t stop for anything.

“Where are we going?” Aleks asked as they jogged down the road, shoulders brushing.

“Anywhere,” James replied. “Anywhere that feels right.”

“You really think we can find them?”

“Aleks, you and me? We can do anything.” James had never been so sure of anything in his life besides loving Aleks.

It was getting dark by the time they found a reasonable place to stop for the night. Both of them were done with trees and forests so they found a hill with some boulders that they could sit against and dumped their stuff there.

Almost immediately, James gripped Aleks' slim hips in his large hands, pulling him in for a kiss, starved for his taste. Aleks sighed in contentment as he moved his mouth over James'. 

"Mmm," James agreed, deepening the kiss. They kissed passionately until James moved down to his neck, pressing his lips to the pale collarbone gently. Aleks buried his fingers in the curly hair, closing his eyes and groaning.

"God that feel good, James."

"Good," James murmured, disconnecting his mouth from the pale skin. "You deserve to feel good."

He knew they couldn’t really do anything right here, but he wanted to feel his skin, so he rucked up Aleks’ shirt slightly, pressing his fingers into the warmth of Aleks’ side. He paused when Aleks squirmed and hissed in obvious pain.

“Aleks?”

“I’m fine, just cold,” Aleks tried to pull his shirt back down, but James frowned, pulling it up gently.

“Let me see, Aleks.”

 Aleks held the shirt up, defeated, standing uncertain and small. 

James caught his breath, transfixed by the bare skin, in most places white and smooth. He reached out, fingers barely brushing the large mottled bruise on Aleks' right side. The confused man jumped at the touch, pulling away. He looked down at himself then up at James, his eyes filled with shame.

"I know it's ugly," he admitted, dropping his shirt back down and hugging his torso self-consciously.

James shook his head, swallowing and looking at Aleks with wide eyes. He tried to speak but he was too choked up. Instead he shook his head again, adamantly, and lunged forward, gently gathering his best friend into his arms. Precious Aleks, more important anything else in his world. James buried his face in his shoulder, trying to hold him closer still.

"Are...are you crying?" Aleks asked softly, stroking James' back with gentle fingers.

James just squeezed tighter until he felt he could talk again. He pulled away still holding on to Aleks' shoulders and looking into his eyes.

"Aleksandr, nothing about you is ugly. Nothing. I just...I wish you never have to be hurt. I hate her for hurting you.”

Aleks smiled at him fondly. He reached up and ran a hand through James' curls then stood on his tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. A sweet, thankful kiss.

"It doesn't hurt much. I'm fine James. I'm great in fact, as long as I'm with you."

James felt so lucky, so undeserving that tears sprung to his eyes again. He took one of Aleks' soft hands in his own, leaned down and caught his lips. 

"I love you," he murmured against them, a confession and a prayer. "So much."

Aleks gasped, melting into James’ mouth. After a moment, he pulled away.

“I love you too, asshole.”

Aleks was fine. He was great in fact.

So James was too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry I left this for so long. Feel free to comment or message me or something in the future telling me to get my ass in check and update. 
> 
> There's about one chapter left. I might write more to this story or start a sequel, but only if people really want me to. I am but a busy college student after all. 
> 
> <3


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